[smsuttell]

I am entering uncharted territory in regards to my girlfriend of 4 years and really need some advice. First I will explain the details of our relationship because I think that this is a unique situation.

Megan and I got together when I was 17 years old she was 16. I am now 21. She was my very first girlfriend that I had in which we were in a serious relationship but she was only 2 months removed from her first love breaking up with her. My best friend, back then, introduced me to her when we were in High School and we connected with each other right off the bat. It wasn't long after our first date and we were spending 100% of our free time with each other. The euphoria was out of control and all I wanted was to be around her 24/7. A couple months later she said she needed a break because she still had feelings for her ex. I backed off for awhile and told her I would be there for her. We got back together a week later and had been together for the next 3 and a half years. Out of High School we even got the same job together and it actually worked for awhile until she got a new job.

As for the bad part of the relationship. We became so consumed with each other that we lost the majority of our old friends and were spending "too" much time together. While this made both of us successful in college because we didn't party very often if at all, we lacked the energy of a great couple, but we had extremely strong feelings toward each other. When we would get alcohol we would drink with each other and only each other. We didn't fight that much, but every time I tried to hang out with friends without her she would get mad at me for a couple days. This is part of the reason I lost a lot of my friends. I was also on a career track to become an Airline Pilot, but she did some research on it and found out that they can be gone for a few days at a time and forced me to change career paths. I love flying and this was very hard for me to do. The point is that I sacrificed SOOO MUCH for her and she doesn't even care anymore. We lived together at my parents house at age 19. She also didn't respect my family and often gave them snotty remarks in front of their faces.

Two months ago we finally moved into an apartment with each other. This was an exciting time because she was living with me. The first month went spectacular and she even told me that she wanted to get married, so I went and bought a beautiful ring and started planning ways to ask her to marry me. Last week she just didn't come home one night. This was the first time that we hadn't slept together in almost 2 years! I was so worried all night I couldn't sleep because she wasn't answering her phone. Then I get a phone call at like 1AM and she says that she doesn't know who she is without me and wants to break up to "find herself." I don't know but that seemed like a very classic break up line that didn't feel like it was what she was really feeling. What should I do? I bought a $2,000 ring and I love her more than anything even with the problems we endure. I just want to be with her and hold her. This is such a sudden shock to me I don't know what I did wrong. I even got a 2nd job for her to be able to pay rent and provide entertainment money for the both of us. I have never felt heartache like this in my life and it is horrible. Thank you for reading my story and I sincerely appreciate any and all advice!

[jrebel7]

Hi there! I am so sorry you are feeling such pain. You gave a great view of your situation that took me very quickly from one view to the next. I know you miss this girl and love her very much. I am not saying she was bad for you or you for her but I am saying, anyone who lives in another's home (your parent's) and disrespects them, I would see a huge red flag regarding the character of this girl.

Have you heard it said, "To thine own self be true"? I am not even sure what all that encompasses but to give up your life's dream of becoming a pilot, was a sacrifice you made of love and devotion for this girl. She then says she wants to get married so you buy an expensive ring and begin making great plans. She then breaks up and on the phone no less!! That does not show much commitment or sensitivity to me on her part.

You say you don't know what you did wrong. You both had marriage before you were ready, in that you lived together as if you were married. There was no real commitment to marriage but just to live together until she mentioned it. Then so quickly, she is ready to dump you and move on. I hope you do not let this break your heart for too long. There are so many gals out there who would love to be loved like you loved your girl. She threw it back in her face. If possible, I would clear out her things, see if you can return the ring, don't answer her calls and move on. I apologize if you feel that sounds harsh but when someone flips on someone like that, disrespects those providing a roof over their head and breaks up on the phone after not coming home, I would say it was a case of you having much love to give and she took. Don't short change yourself. She will probably be gone for a bit, come back and do it all over again. Too much pain at this time in your life. Make good choices for yourself, catch hold of your dream of becoming a pilot and go after your dream. Best to you!

P.S. I do not take lightly your pain you feel in your heart. We have all had pain so bad we thought we could not stand it but given time and making good choices, will give you back your life. You will once again feel whole. There is someone out there so special for you. Don't settle for less. This life is too short for that.

[kctiger]

You seem to be a well put together person and articulated your situation very well. I feel for you and know how it feels to have such heartache. I don't think it is fair to you to give up so much and, from the sounds of it, have her give so little. You basically molded yourself around her and what she wanted/thought she needed. When someone says they "need to find themselves" that is, as you stated, a classic, "I am not sure I want to be with you anymore," line. I know it is hard, and I know it down right sucks. Like the first poster said, time to get your life back in order. First and foremost, take the ring back. You don't need to be getting married this young anyway. Second, focus your attention back onto what your original passion was, flying.

We are all here for you and have been through it (still going through it!) so know that you aren't alone. I wish you luck. It always helps to come on this website and get others' opinions. It is a great outlet for emotion. Good luck buddy!

[talaniman]

Take the ring back, and get your money back, and let her find herself.

[ZoeMarie]

I know exactly what you're going through. It's going to be hard to look on the bright side of things for a while, but when you do, you'll see that you can still be a pilot, get your friends back in your life, and find a girl who will support you in what you want to do and respect your family. Hang in there.

[smsuttell]

Thanks for the quick replies. The reason I am so confused right now is that she says she still loves me and wants to get back together just not right now. I told her that I need closure and need a yes or no answer. She just tells me that she loves me but wants to be single. I then proceeded to ask her if she wants us to see other people and she gave me a stern no. I am so confused now. Why would she do this? This is making it extremely difficult to let go.

[h0llister]

I think you should have broken up with her , when she made you switch your career, now u are working 2 jobs to just survive. You should start finding who you are now as well.

[kctiger]

I know you love her, but you don't love yourself enough man. How many times are you going to put her needs before yours? Just leave her be. The ball is in her court. Start rebuilding your life without her.

[beebeecee]

It happens, you got together at a young age, developed an intense relationship but from the sound of it not exactly one built on fun... she grew away from you. It happens, it's no one's fault, she knows what's best for her and obviously doing what she said as far as the career change was not you doing what's best for you. In my experience, the people I've met who have the happiest, healthiest relationships are those that both people do exactly what's best for them, yet they both still live their lives "as one"... when you carry someone in your heart you don't have to be with them 24/7.

It's hard, but take time, pamper yourself, take care of yourself and focus on your life and getting things straight and when it's the right time you'll meet someone who's more suitable.

Seriously - take time, don't think about her, save money, live decently, eat well, take care of yourself, excersize, think about if you want to go back to your career of choice, you need to prove to yourself that you're capable of doing these things for yourself, by yourself.

[wolfgangqpublic]

I understand this is hard. I will offer this insight. It seems to me that your ex-girlfriend likely had, and still has, some codependency issues. As the relationship progressed, you increasingly bowed to them and thus cut yourself off. However, as she got older, she (as MANY girls her age do) began to question the life path she envisioned as a teenager and desired to experience new things (and perhaps new people) before settling on a final decision. This type of wanderlust is very common among women around age 20. It's a period of major life change and re-appraisal. Her desire for the two of you to not see other people is selfish - I can guarantee you that she will eventually. You're best off moving on as well. If she desires to come back, she'll do it (very unlikely though) on her own time and volition.

[BlackVY]

Welcome to my life...

Want to know something funny? My girl's name is Megan too... HAHA!

Anyway, I've been dating her for almost 2 years, and I proposed to her in Sept this year... since then, she keeps breaking up with me because she doesn't feel good about herself and doesn't think she is what I want... so this happens every week, and I go through the heartache of the break up all the time.

She says the same stuff, that she doesn't know who she is without me and she needs to find herself again so she can be happy. It is a very common line...

Basically, what I keep doing is when she wants to break up, I just let her go and try not to take it to heart. She comes back to be in between 2 hours to 3 days time, and she has always come back thus far, but if she does leave and never comes back, then I tell myself it wasn't meant to be.

It is very hard sometimes, because I love this girl a lot and have done so much for her. I actually spent a lot of money on the ring, and when she breaks up with me, she tells me she is going to sell it, and I just laugh and let her go, because when we get back, she tells me she could never sell it.

Anyway, this might sound like the wrong advice, but take it from a dude who has been there and is going through the same thing as you, and is dating a girl with the same name as you girl, when she tells you she wants to break up, just let her go, give her some space, if she comes back and wants to work things out, then that's good, if not, move on. When she does leave, and if its for a while, try not to think about it. Occupy yourself with things that are for you, make some time for yourself, and if her break up is permanent, then so be it, move on and find yourself someone worthy of your love. Good luck. Peace

[cowboy107]

Wow this is pretty well the same situation I was/am in. The best thing I could suggest (as so many have suggested to me) is move on as best you can, take up hobbies and worry about bettering yourself.

I know exactly what you mean about closure. EXACTLY. I went through the same thing no more then a couple of days ago. Being in limbo is the worst feeling you can have. Waiting for her call, thinking that she's waiting for yours. Give it time! Don't ask for that closure, and a definintive yes or no answer, because she probably doesn't even know what she wants yet. She's still in the "I'm doing the right thing mode" and I hope in your situation that she will realize what she's missing. But you can't WAIT for that decision. You MUST move on. She will call you in due time, she's not going to forget about you. If anything, the time apart, and the time with NC, she will be thinking more about you.

BOTTOM LINE

If she's "taking the time" to find herself, you should take the time to find yourself.

[smsuttell]

She texted me last night and said she cheated on me. "By the way I cheated on you and it was bomb." What a ed up person. At least I know we won't ever be together again and I can finally heal. Thanks for the suggestions. You guys helped a lot.

[jmw0713]

She is a piece of trash if she says something like that. Kick this biatch to the curb and let her stand on the corner like the person she really is. You don't need someone like her rubbing crap in your face. She will wake up one day.. realize what a stupid piece of garbage she is... and feel like Sh**.

Don't bother with her. Definitely leave her and her mental issues behind and find a respectable, loving female.

She's dumb!

PS... sorry for the rant, but women like this get to me!!

[kctiger]

Yeah man, you are better off without her. What a low class move on her part. Karma is a biyatch...

[ZoeMarie]

She texted me last night and said she cheated on me. "By the way I cheated on you and it was bomb."

It's official. You're better off without her. Go get your pilot's license!

[kctiger]

Let me just say, lastly, that I hope you don't let her get to you by sending you that text (because she is trying to get to you). Her cheating on you has nothing to do with you, it just means she has extremely poor character, which will probably haunt her for the rest of her life. On the other hand, the sky is the limit for your dreams and your potential (literally). You are a stellar guy and you will be happy... just thank God you two didn't end up getting married and then you found out about this.

[Romefalls19]

Pyscho immature biznatch my friend. Don't even let her crap phase you, got get your pilot license and live your life the way it was meant too

[Kati-Katt]

The really sad thing about that is you barely even know what the heck happened,but the thing is you prpoably didn't do anything wrong. Girls I find are easily mislead and often have a lot of drama and switch from guy to guy, and that's not something you would have necessarily caused. Now I don't mean to jump to conclusions but maybe she found someone else, and it's normal for someone that stays in a long term relationship after a while to fantisize about other people. I suggest try asking her, but that's fully up to you. Good luck.

[kctiger]

Don't ask her! Don't ever talk to her again. You have no reason to! You are done with her, as if I was done with the toilet paper I just used in the bathroom... I won't be digging that out of the toilet!