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RNM · Nov 20, 2009, 02:31 PM

Hey people,

So I am in a new relationship of 2 months now and we have a lot of feelings for each other. I am 20 and he is a few years older. So he has told me that he has been unfaithful a quite a few times in past relationships and of course this scared me and still scares me. I told myself I would never date someone who has been unfaithful because then its difficult to ultimately trust them which is a horrible thing to not trust someone. But he has said he is older now and over that stupid stuff he did. He says he really wants to be with me and he wants to make it really work with me. And from the look in his eyes and body language I believe him and trust him, also because I am very sensitive so I can feel how someone feels. But sometimes I still worry and think what if... so how do I ultimately trust my boyfriend so I can just move on and enjoy our relationship??

Would be great with some advice because I want to feel good with him and make it work.
Thanks!

slapshot_oi · Nov 20, 2009, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by RNM

...which is a horrible thing to not trust someone.

Why?

Telling you about his rap-sheet wasn't a very smart thing to say. I'm a believer in don't ask don't tell. Also, it's only been two months, you'll need more time to really know this guy.

pfanatic · Nov 20, 2009, 03:46 PM

I wouldn't trust him either. There's something wrong with him when telling you this so soon at the first place. Watch out for yourself, OK?

jmjoseph · Nov 20, 2009, 05:01 PM

I'm going to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. He either thought that you might find out from someone else about his infidelity, or that he was just coming clean so you can start with a clean slate. Either way, as long as he was sincere, you have to admire his honesty.

If this guy hasn't done anything for you to question his comittment to your relationship, then you should trust him.

There are no guarantees in love, but we all make mistakes, and shouldn't receive a life sentence for them.

I was once a cheater myself. I ruined several relationships because I couldn't behave. But now I am happily married(10 years) to a wonderful woman, and would never think of compromising her trust in me. She knows about my past, to a certain degree, through her friends, and myself. And she trusts me. She is a flight attendant, so she NEEDS to be able to trust me.

You see, some people can, and do, change. I hope that you found one of them.

Good luck to you.

annette88 · Nov 21, 2009, 02:18 AM

You have only known him a very short time-its too soon to be thinking too deeply, so l say just enjoy getting to know each other and having fun. Until he gives you real reason not to trust him, whatever his past has been like, give him the benefit of the doubt.

talaniman · Nov 21, 2009, 01:45 PM

I think its way to early to give this guy your heart, but no reason not to have fun getting to know him. His honesty was a sign he has changed, or a warning. Regardless, protect your heart, and pay attention which is what you should be doing any way after only a few months.

I really think its too soon to date this guy exclusively, or skip the process that he will have to earn your trust. Benefit of a doubt is okay to give someone, but not a reason to get carried away. Neither are the intense feelings of attraction.

Cat1864 · Nov 21, 2009, 03:11 PM

RNM, I just read your thread from June asking about your then boyfriend of four months and a dating site. How long were you together after that before you got involved with this person who you have been dating for two months?

If you want honest advice:

After reading the past questions you have asked, I recommend that you examine yourself and relationships and what you really want in one.

Until you know yourself and what you want and need, this relationship and every other one you try to create out of nothing but hopes and a fantasies will fail and you will be back here in a matter of weeks or a couple of months asking the same questions about the next "Mr. Right".

RNM · Dec 5, 2009, 09:24 AM

Hey,

I have a boyfriend of 27 years old and Im wondering how my boyfriend feels about me because he has not yet said I love you to me and neither have I, but he still talks seriously about marrying me and wanting to have my kids. Does this mean he may be falling in love with me?
We both love kids and we talk about having kids a lot, but first in some years, but I'm just wondering how big his feelings are for me then.

Thanks!

RNM · Dec 5, 2009, 09:37 AM

Hey,

My boyfriend is working in another country for a month now, and I miss him and think of him all the time. What cute messages can I write to him or send him? What can I do over here to him over there to make him feel cared about and loved?

Alty · Dec 5, 2009, 02:10 PM

This is personal, from you to him.

You know him better then we do. You're also the one with feelings for him whereas we don't know him and don't care about him.

Write what's in your heart, not what's in ours.

Alty · Dec 5, 2009, 02:12 PM

Why not ask him?

My crystal ball is not working right now so I really can't see what he's feeling for you. Asking him will solve the problem and get you out of the dark.

Good luck.

amicon · Dec 5, 2009, 02:46 PM

I suggest you ask him that as he is the only one who can tell you.

amicon · Dec 5, 2009, 02:57 PM

I suggest you tell him whatever cute things you normally tell him.

Jake2008 · Dec 6, 2009, 12:19 AM

An easy way to do this is grab him, give him a big fat kiss, look him right in the eye and say, "I love you!", and if he says it back, he probably does.

redhed35 · Dec 6, 2009, 03:17 AM

Some guys find it very difficult to say ;i love you'... but his actions will show you if he does...

Jake has a good idea... you say it!

mudweiser · Dec 6, 2009, 03:31 AM

I have a question...

How long have you been together?

ChildOfGod_1 · Dec 6, 2009, 05:29 AM

Yes. Looks like he really loves you, and chooses to show it rather than say it. But you can ask him and find out. I am sure he will answer you in the POSITIVE.

RNM · Jan 23, 2010, 07:01 AM

Hi,
So my boyfriend and I have now been together for about 5 months and we are in our twenties. But the problem is he is travelling a lot due to his job and we don't wonna be sad anymore but I get really sad when I miss him, so I don't know what to do, should I stay with him or should I just call it quits?

My other problem is that I am quite jellous often because I wonna be all I can be for my boyfriend and just if he says something like this other girl is pretty makes me feel jellous or if he talks with all these friends of his that are girls I get jellous even though he says they are just friends and that's it. But it all worries me when he is travelling because he has cheated before in his past relationships but now he says that he has changed and he doesn't wonna mess it up this time. So how do I get rid of my jellousy?

My other problem is that he has said he is not in love with me but that he doesn't know if he will fall in love with me because he didn't wonna promise anything.. but does that mean he knows he won't ever fall in love with me?

I would really appreciate some advice.. thanks!

roxypox · Jan 23, 2010, 12:34 PM

Well first of I want to know how long the two of you knew each other before you became boyfriend/Grilfriend!

And why he decided to go into a relastionship with you if he is unsure of the whole falling in love with you thing.

Secondly I want to comment on the jealousy... I see jealousy as a sign of INSECURITY... and even though he is yours as in your BF, no wonder that you get jealous if you've only been together for such a short amount of time. But this jealousy def has to be worked on!

Since I don't know at this point how long you've known each other I can't make an esstimate of how well you know each other as people, since this is something that takes time and is a prosess.

If you could answer my questions and maybe tell me if you feel insecure or not... I will be happy to give you more specific advice!

Hope this was, a little bit helpful at least ;-)

RNM · Jan 23, 2010, 12:55 PM

Thanks for that ! Well actually we only knew each other a few weeks before we were in a relationship. We were both really attracted to each other and we felt as though we had known each other for years! We felt so comfortable in each others company so quick and we were together like all the time. We are still together often as much as possible. He said he is not opening himself up for falling in love right now. But he says that I would be the perfect woman to fall in love with. So all in all we've known each other for 5 months. I know its not long.. no I do not feel insecure with myself, its just because he has cheated in some past relationships, which makes me just a bit worried when he is away.