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amandaforu · Nov 9, 2009, 08:11 PM

I haven't slept with my boyfriend in a while (2 weeks) because I'm trying to prove to myself that he's not in this just to sleep with me.
A few days ago he went out with some of his friends and when I talked to him about it one thing led to another and we started fighting.
One of the things that came out of his mouth was "I could have ed a girl that night but I didn't."
Never, had he planted a doubt in my head before he said that. Now I don't know what to think, I feel like he's basically telling me "If you dont sleep with me right now I'll sleep with other women." Its making me slightly uneasy wondering if he's lying when he goes one place or another.. if he hasn't already done it.
Should I be worried? Or should I just let it go?

zippit · Nov 9, 2009, 08:21 PM

I hope you don't take this wrong but the first word that popped in my head after reading your post was GAMES,if things were going good except for the fact that you were not sure of his commitment why would you conduct this experiment on the relationship instead of just sitting him down and talking to him?

amandaforu · Nov 9, 2009, 08:25 PM

Because I talked to him about it and when I did he called me a dumbass.

Cat1864 · Nov 9, 2009, 08:35 PM

I agree that 'games' was the first thought that I had, too.

You both need to sit down and have a non-confrontational discussion with him about how you both feel and what concerns you both have about the relationship.

Did you tell him why you didn't want to have sex? How long did you intend to 'hold out' to 'test' his commitment? If you didn't tell him about your concerns, what do you think he thinks the reason for your about face was/is?

It sounds like his statements were made of anger and frustration. Set those emotions aside and try to have an open and honest discussion.

I wish · Nov 10, 2009, 05:39 AM

We can't tell you whether you should trust him or not. You either trust your boyfriend or you don't. Ask yourself, can you find it in your heart to trust him?

If you trust him, then leave the doubts alone and move forward with your relationship.

If you don't trust him, then he's got to find a way to repair the broken trust.

Otherwise: no trust = no relationship.

Romefalls19 · Nov 10, 2009, 06:40 AM

First off, I don't know why you are playing games with him. Second, why are you giving him grief for hanging out with his friends? He is allowed to have a life outside of your relationship, actually its preferred.

How would you feel if he decided to play games with you? I'm not going to be light hearted with this, taking away sex is trying to tell him that you have the power in the relationship. He was wrong to say the sex with another girl thing, but why are you so concerned about playing games with him?

amandaforu · Nov 10, 2009, 09:53 AM

Romefalls19,

I never complained that he was hanging out with friends, in fact, I was doing cartwheels so freaking ecstatic that he was finally socializing with other people, because that is something he hasn't done for a while.
You have no idea how happy I was to find out that he was hanging out with friends, I hope he continues to do it, like he should.
The fight branched out of him asking to sleep with me yet again and I got mad at him because he promised me that things would be different.
Let me make things clear: I wanted to end things with him because he would verbally abuse me before then and ONLY talk about sleeping with me and never engage in any other kind of conversation. So yes, I felt like that's all he wanted from me.
I wanted to break up with him but he didn't want that so I gave him another chance on the condition that he would actually talk to me like I'm his girlfriend and not just several one night stands. And I also wanted him to not sleep with me for a while to prove that that wasn't all he was after in the relationship.
For the rest of you, I'm not exactly sure how that is a game... Care to explain?

Romefalls19 · Nov 10, 2009, 09:58 AM

This is information you needed to include in your ORIGINAL post. We are not mind readers, how were we to know you get verbally abused? The way YOU made it sound was that you were insecure about him going out. Tell the whole story all at once, it helps us make better observations. We can only give advice on what we are told

Cat1864 · Nov 10, 2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by amandaforu

Romefalls19,

I never complained that he was hanging out with friends, in fact, I was doing cartwheels so freaking ecstatic that he was finally socializing with other people, because that is something he hasnt done for a while.
You have no idea how happy I was to find out that he was hanging out with friends, I hope he continues to do it, like he should.
The fight branched out of him asking to sleep with me yet again and I got mad at him because he promised me that things would be different.
Let me make things clear: I wanted to end things with him because he would verbally abuse me before then and ONLY talk about sleeping with me and never engage in any other kind of conversation. So yes, I felt like that's all he wanted from me.
I wanted to break up with him but he didnt want that so I gave him another chance on the condition that he would actually talk to me like i'm his girlfriend and not just several one night stands. And I also wanted him to not sleep with me for a while to prove that that wasn't all he was after in the relationship.
For the rest of you, I'm not exactly sure how that is a game... Care to explain?

NOW that you have given more background information it doesn't sound as much like you were playing games. Please read your original post as though someone else wrote it.

So, you did tell him what you needed in the relationship before you wanted to have sex again. I will take it that he agreed to attempt to do better at being a boyfriend instead of a "booty call". Did you agree on how long this experiment was supposed to last? Did you (as a couple) determine what it would take for you to be comfortable having sex with him again or was he supposed to just wait until you said "let's go to bed"?

Has anything changed? Other than the frustration level. Does he treat you as more of a girlfriend now? If not, then you have your answer and should let him lead his own life while you go on about yours.

It seems to me that if he has been verbally abusive and used you just for sex in the past that you might be better off without him. There are men out there who want a full relationship not just a warm body.