[amicon]

A high after every low,good point! If you're not already doing it,you could start a journal where you write down your thoughts.
Here's a cyberhug from me as well.

[Misshersomuch]

She contaced me.

She told me that she now had no feelings for me.
She told me that I needed to get over her.
She also told me that she had feelings for my best friend.
I asked if there were anything between them, she said yes, and I sort of lost it for a sec. Turns out she meant there were friendship between them.

Now she wants a break. A break from me. A break from my best friend. A break where it's just her on her own.

I told her I thought that would be the best for all parts right now.

She told me that she didn't want to hurt me anymore, and that she regretted what she had done, and wished it had all come undone.

I told her how I felt, about me needing a break right now, but that I still have feelings for her and could want to get together with her sometime in the future, when I'm ready to trust her again (with a big maybe). I felt like it might make it worse for her, or for me, but I just had to tell her how I felt.

She told me that she had made several huge mistakes, and that she would never contact me again, so that she couldn't hurt me anymore.

I told her that it's a good idea to have no contact, in order to heal better, but to never ever have contact again might be a little overkill.

I told her that what we need now, both of us, is just time. I told her that I would not contact her, and it's a good idea if she doesn't either.

It will be impossible for us to be just friends right now, and still hard in the future. I still want to be a friend to her though, not as in go to a movie every weekend or something, but I told her that if she really needs me, she can make an exception and contact me.

She told me that she couldn't hear anymore right now, and that she was crying, and that she would always care about me.

I told her that I was crying too. I told her that I care about her, that I still do and that she always will have a special place in my heart.

She told me that hearing how kind I was made this thing harder for her, given how much she has hurt me, and that she couldn't take anything more. She said she was a terrible person, and had ruined me.

I told her about how great a person she is, and that she has done so much great to me. I told her that anyone can make mistakes, and that to me, she still is a wonderful person.

She told me good night, and I said the same plus that I wish her all well.

This post might be a bit of a mess, but so am I right now so I hope you forgive me.

I don't know what to feel right now.

I'm hurt and broken hearted, but certainly less than I would be without you guys and without foreseeing that this could happen. I think the suffering I've done the last days turned out good in a way.

I've sort of jumped down from the cliff already, and landed on a mountain shelf, doing half the jump already, making the last fall to the bottom shorter. (I hope that made sense to you)

In another way, I'm not really shocked. Yes, I had a hope for us being together, but I always expected this to happen. (Sort of mentioned already).

And strangely enough, I am a little relieved. I still feel like knowing is better than thinking. (Atleast in these cases).

I'm trying to look positive. Now, I will go full no contact. It will be even easier, knowing that she wants the same.

It will also be a lot easier to get over what have happened, and eventually to get over her, with a closure like this. Knowing is still better than thinking.

I felt like I had gotten sort of mixed signals of what she wanted, but now I see it pretty clear. That also makes it easier for me.

And to be honest, and a bit selfish, it's good for me to know that she will go no contact with my best friend as well. Don't get me wrong, I wish him all well, but I don't know how I could've forgiven him if he'd stolen my girlfriend - even though I'd want to deep inside.

I'll do my best to move on now, and I think I'll end up fine in the end.

I hope this post didn't get too much of a mess.
I will appreciate all replies and tips and ideas. Thanks!

[Misshersomuch]

I'm sorry for the last post being such a mess and so long. I hope you understand most of it, don't hestitate to ask if you have any questions.

[Llisa]

Hi Misshersomuch,

Your entry really moved me. Your writing is very clear and would be excellent for a person whom english was their first language.

You seem like a really nice person. Thoughtful and caring. It might seem a bit harsh, but I think that your girlfriend doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for her. She seems to want to be in love with you because you are so great. She might of felt like she was in love with you at the beginning because of the rush of emotions felt in the start of a relationship.

Also I think she is showing these conflicting signals of wanting to be with you and not wanting to be with you, because you make her feel good, you comfort her, and love her so much. You are providing her with so much love that she can see that loving you would be perfect. I think everyone wants to be in love with someone who loves them so deeply.

I think she doesn't want to let you go, because you seem to be one of the only highlights in her currently turmultous life. And at the same time she feels very guilty for holding onto you for these reasons. She knows you want a romantic relationship with her, and that she doesn't have the feelings that would allow her to honestly give that to you. She really likes you and values you. She believes you deserve to be treated better, and deserve to be in a loving relationship.

I think the best way you could serve her is by just being her friend. I think you need to move on romantically. Not just for yourself but for both of you. I think you need to be the strong one, you seem very mature and grounded. So I think you'll have to be the one to do it, because she is not in the right place or strong enough to do it. You aren't helping her by letting her treat you this way. She feels very guilty and this just adds to the troubles in her life. Instead you can be a really good friend and let her go. I think if you are able to you should continue to support her and be a really great friend.

I hope this is helpful. And I hope that no matter what you end up doing, that you are happy.

[Llisa]

I didn't realise there were more posts after the first page. Well... my above post is a bit late and now seems a bit thoughtless. I hope that you feel better soon. I am sad that you are feeling so bad right now. Break ups are really hard and so are broken hearts.

I am really glad though, to have read you entries, because now I know there are really great guys out there (well at least one). I don't know what else to say. I just wish I could say something of comfort or say something to help you, but I can't think of anything. I am glad (even though you are hurting) that you know what the situation is. In my mind I am certain that you'll meet some really great people and have a better relationship. But that will probably not help you feel better right now.

Umm, if I could give you some advice from my past, it took me 1 year to get over my last boyfriend, but even though it hurt so much, now I am not hurting. Time does mend your pain, even if it unfortunately takes a long time. And knowing that you have other people around you who love you and care for you also helps, i.e. family. Well again, I hope you feel better and see the sunshine come out once again.

PS. Even though it is irrelevant, I think you are a really great writer, your writing is really easy to read, it just flows. Ok that is a bit irrelevant :s


Also, I think you deserve to be with someone who is able to return your love.

Umm, I hope that is not too abrupt.

[Misshersomuch]

Thanks a lot for all of your kind words Llisa.

I really appreciate your words on my writing as well, and I do write some songs for my band, so I take it as a compliment that you think I write good.

I do hope and believe that in time, I will feel better, although that seems really far ahead right now. I should be sleeping a long time ago, but I just can't get myself to do it.

I think my days at school will be dreadful. You see, we go to the same school, but at least we don't take any classes together, that's the good news. I think I can manage to stay away from her, if I can express it that way, for some time at school. I don't think seeing her will do any good to me right now.

If I can't be her boyfriend, I'd really love (pun intended) being her friend, but we both see this as a really weird situation. It's hard enough to imagine my life without her right now, if not to imagine being with her without holding her hand or kissing her, not to mention if my best friend would be the one to do that. I think that a friendship, where we regularly spend time together, will be far into the future.

Deep inside, I know that this isn't the end of my romantic life. I know I will meet others, maybe (or guaranteed?) someone "better", and I am still very young so I really have all of my life ahead of me, not behind me.

The problem is that even though I know all of this deep inside, that within time, "all will be good", it's so hard to really, fully believe in that, and that's partly what's bothering me right now.

Thanks again, for all of your kind and helping words! :)

[Misshersomuch]

Well, I can't say that was the best night of my life. I had about 40 minutes of sleep, from around 09.50 to 10.30 (it's 11 o'clock here now). The rest of the time, I spent just lying around thinking about everything. And missing her. I miss her a lot.

Anyone have any tips as far as how I can keep from thinking about her when I need to sleep? It's bad enough to feel bad about this all of the day, but if I do so all of the night as well, sooner or later I'll go crazy.

[amicon]

You need your sleep, I'd suggest you tire yourself out physically before bed,go for a run or something similar.
Try a soothing herbal tea such as chamomile before going to bed.
It is tough,but hang in there, you will get over this.

[Misshersomuch]

Update again. You see, I saw her again today.

The thing is, I had borrowed this hat from her for a school project (prior to this whole thing), and I knew that she'd want it back sooner or later, and decided sooner would be better, as it would be better to get it over with and the move on without having to see her in that way at a later time.

I was heading downtown anyway, and her house is more or less on the way there (it's a bit of a detour, but not more than a couple of minutes). On the way down, I couldn't do it, but on the way up I decided to do it.

I just put the hat in their mailbox, and sent her a short message saying thanks for letting me borrow it and where I'd put it.
She immediately replied saying I could've kept it.

I told her thanks, but no thanks, I couldn't do that, and that it was hers.

Shortly after she asked me if I had left, and told me that she would appreciate a hug.

I said that I had just slipped the hat in there and left, to not break the no contact deal too much, but if she really wanted a hug, of course she would get one.

So yeah, nothing much happened, we just hugged basically, and then she had to go, and so did I.

Anyway, I strangely feel better after this. It wasn't a particularly romantic hug, just a good, friendly hug.

But the last time I talked with her (last night), we talked online, so it felt really good to get a real chance to say goodbye to her. It also felt good to know that we still are friends (I hope you understand what I mean here).

A couple of minutes later, I sent her a message and apologised for contacting her, but told her that I meant it well, and I promised to leave her be from now on.

I haven't got a reply from her (yet?), but neither were I expecting one.

She didn't behave like I'd thought she would, but then again, neither did I. I thought I would end up crying on her shoulder for half an hour, but I kept myself from doing that. Perhaps I was just out of tears, I don't know.

The bottom line is that it felt good seeing her this last time, for closure, and that I now feel fit to really start getting over it.

EDIT: I should add, that even though this feeling is good, it hurts as well because it means I'm one step closer to realizing and accepting that me and her probably never will happen again.

[amicon]

Remember the highs after the lows! Sticking to nc from now on will work wonders.
I hope you get a better night's sleep tonight!

[Devorameira]

You're definitely doing the right thing. I hope you get a great sleep and wake up with a renewed attitude.

There's a great gal out there waiting for you. Be patient, the pain lessen soon and you'll be open to have that new relationship.

[Misshersomuch]

So, long time, no update. I don't think it's necessary to write everything that's happened since the last update, but I'll give you the main idea.

On Sunday, she initiated contact again. She sendt me about 20 love songs over Facebook, and told me that she still had feelings for me.

I told her that I still had feelings for her, and that I was willing to give her another chance if she could tell me the right thing.

She told me that she couldn't do it yet, she was still confused.
She told me that she wanted to talk with me the next day, face to face. I agreed, and she logged of.

So, the next day, I send her a message saying that if she still wants to talk, she can just send me a message, and that I was free the whole afternoon. I didn't get any reply.

That night, I chat with her again. She had to go eat. When she got back, I didn't get any reply. I told her that if she wanted me to stop contacting her again, I'd understand. She said Yes, and logged of.

So, I've decided that I'm not going to put up with this anymore. I've made it clear how I feel about it. If she wants me to support her, I'll be there for her. If she wants me back, I'll give her another chance and the time she should need, but she changes her mind all the time. I don't think it's too much to ask to have the same answer for more than 12 hours at a time.

I know this isn't an easy time for her, but she needs to understand that it isn't for me either.

So, from now on, I'm going to go 100% no contact on her. I wasn't ready for this earlier, but now, I think I might reject her calls and not answer to messages. I'm going to do my best at it, anyway.

After hurting me so much, all I did was try to support her, and what do I get? Rejection and mixed signals. So, if she wants me back now, she's going to have to convince me. I won't come running back to her.

It's not easy though, I still miss her. I'm changing a bit in my feelings now, though. Whereas I have spent the last week crying and feeling sad, I have for example slept a total of 6 hours since the last update, I now only feel empty, really.

I don't know if it's because I'm starting to move on, or because I've just cried out all of my tears and that I'm exhausted, but I just feel this emptiness inside. I still have urges to send her messages, but so far I have been able to reject them.

I don't really think I have mentally excepted that it's really over us before last night. I really feel better already, I'm starting to look forward. I know it will take time, but I also know I'll get through this.

I have three goals for the next two days.

1: Maintain no contact.
2: Go to the gym.
3: Really fix things with my best friend.

Oh yeah, plus to start eat like a normal person again and to get some sleep. I'm surviving mainly on coffee nowadays.

I've read all of the stickies, and they have helped me a lot. If you have any other tips to me, about no contact or moving on, or anything really, please tell me!

Thanks for your time, help and replies!

[Llisa]

Hey misshersomuch,

I'm really glad that you've decided to have no contact with her. I think it is the right thing to do. At this point any contact with her will just drag you down. I think you're right not to reply to any of her messages or other contact. I don’t think there is any reason for you to contact her. There is however a huge reason for you not to contact her, and that is that it doesn’t do you any good. Instead you would be prolonging this.

Regarding your best friend, I think it's great that you forgave him. But I think it is too early to be trying to repair things with him. I think you should give it more time. One for you to heal, but also to give your mind a bit more time for it to digest what has happened (I don’t mean by you constantly thinking about it, but just by letting your mind get use to what has happened, it must have been a great shock).

There is also a risk of your friend and ex getting together. Even though they are great people, care about you a lot and are nice and kind, it does not mean they won't do something. I'm not saying you should not trust them because they are bad but because they are human, and because you guys are relatively young (I only mean you guys haven’t had much practice at these kind of situations yet, though sometimes that doesn’t help either) and everything is so emotional, and because they are both nice people and they like each other, it is likely that they will get together. Of cause this is not fair for them to do this, but they won't be doing it to hurt you. So for the sake of your friendship with your best friend, I think you should give it time and space. I really think you should do this.

So instead of spending time with either of these people I think it would be better for you right now to be doing things with your other friends. Try to develop your friendships with the other people close to you. Spend heaps of your time doing things with them and while doing this try not to talk about your break up, really don't talk about it. This will distract you a bit from all the drama etc, and you might even surprise yourself by actually enjoying at least some of it. And anyway you'll be thinking about it enough the rest of the time :)

I hope this helps. And I hope you are happier no matter what you choose to do :)

PS. I know this is easier to say than do, but try to dig extra deep and stick to whatever rules you set yourself.

PPS. I just thought of a good idea, when you have a clear mind, why don't you get a piece of paper and come up with some rules for yourself to follow. Things that you think would be best for you. Right now I think you should only be trying to look after yourself, this will be the best thing not only for you but also for all others involved.

[amicon]

I think you've reached the stage where you have had to realise that you need to look after YOU and that you don't deserve this confusion anymore.100% no contact works so stick to it. I find watching comedies and laughing my head off works wonders if I'm down in the dumps,so you could give that a go. Look after yourself.

[vanheart]

"Right now I think you should only be trying to look after yourself"

1: Maintain no contact.
2: Go to the gym.
3: Really fix things with my best friend.

YES!! Not just the next 2 days, but from now on.

Yo got it man, keep it up. Don't just say it. Do it.

[Llisa]

Hi misshersomuch,

I just wanted to say something more positive. I was rereading your original post and I think you are very optimistic, open and giving. And the best thing is that you are open to love. I think this guarantees a life of love :)

Anyway, I hope you are sleeping better. Best wishes, Lisa

[Llisa]

PS. About my second last post (the long one :s), I think I might have been a bit pushy. I apologise if I was.

[Misshersomuch]

No worries, thanks for the replies and tips, plus all of your kind words!

Well, I spoke with my GF in the weekend, and I asked her straight out if there was something more between her and my best friend than just being friends. She said no, and that she couldn't do that towards me. Today, I asked my best friend straight out as well, asked him to be completely honest. He said that they were just friends, and that he had decided to cut contact with her as well, given all the things that have happened.

In a strange way, I feel better after this. Don't get me wrong - I wish them both all well, but it would break my heart to see my ex with my best friend, at least while I still have these feelings for her.

I slept better tonight than earlier, so I hope I'm getting better. People at school commented that I looked more happy than in a while as well.

Things seem to be clearing out with my and my best friend now, I mean it's still sort of tense between us, or at least was before we talked, because he have been thinking that he ruined my life and I have been thinking that he's been trying to steal my girlfriend, but we seem to be making it now.

I'm feeling better day by day now, I can finally begin to see the end of this.

Thanks for the replies everyone!

[Misshersomuch]

Help, I can't stop thinking about her! Even when I'm at my busiest, like at school today, where we had an exam-light (called tentamen as opposed to eksamen in norwegian), and the deadline came closer, I just couldn't concentrate.

I saw her today, and I just froze instantly and could barely walk. I got out a hi to her as we passed, but couldn't even look he properly in her face.

I think there might be something going on between my best friend and my girlfriend after all, although I think I might just be "jealous" or something, I don't know. Anyway, I've figured out he has talken to her lately. I asked him if he knew how she was doing, and he said she was doing better so yeah. They have had contact. I don't know how to feel towards this, in one way, if they get together, I will feel let down by both of them.

By him because he said he wouldn't do that, because he said he didn't have contact with her now, and because it would essentially be stealing my girlfriend.

By her because, well, she'd break my heart even more. If there's one thing I don't think I can handle right now, it's to see her in his arms and kissing him etc.
And given that she have said that she don't want to hurt me anymore, ever again, and that she wanted to cut contact with both of us, I kind of feel like it's just my emotions and insecurity making me jealous.

But on the other hand, if they were to get together, what could and should I do? I know I'd have to avoid them - at least for a while, because as I said, I couldn't handle seeing them together in that way while I still have these feelings for her. But on the other hand, if they want each other, I'd sort of feel bad for standing the way of that as well, and I can't control or decide over any of them.

I'm trying to get over her, but it's not easy. I still love her so much, and I miss her every day, but I know I need to move on now. I just don't know how to do it, really.

I'm also thinking about giving her a christmas present, a bad idea? I don't think of doing it to win her back, or to give her one hundred red roses or something, just something casual like I give to my friends, as a friend to her. What do you guys think about that?

Thanks for all replies :).

[amicon]

It's that darn emotional rollercoaster,some days are not great- I hope your tenta went well in spite of this.
As for what may or may not happen or what may be going on between the two of them,I'd trust them for now and try not to think about that.
You know,it's one day at the time at this stage so be patient with yourself.
.