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hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 02:58 PM

Back did have something to eat chips I felt OK for a bit then I sank low left my brothers feeling crap thinking about her I miss her very much I drove round on estate not outside she could not see me or anything just made sure she was there bedroom light was on I thought to myself wondering if she was thinking of me. The worst thing that goes in my head is someone else touching her picture her body and someone's hand can't get that out of my head.

talaniman · Nov 25, 2009, 02:59 PM

How about getting off the pity pot, and getting your act together, and be a man, just in case she cares to take a second look.

You can start by getting a life that you enjoy, and have friends, and family who value having a happy, well balanced person in their lives.

Anything would be an improvement over the weak pathetic excuse of a man you have become.

Do you really think she would want to even consider being with who you are now? I seriously doubt it, so get busy on yourself, and get your butt back to work!!

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 03:13 PM

I don't want her to see me like this I know I know what I have to do I want to be better I am going to try and sleep well tonight fresh head on tomorrow I am trying need to try harder I know it hurts that's all thanks

talaniman · Nov 25, 2009, 03:56 PM

Break ups suck for any reason, but you don't give up your manhood because it hurt. You can overcome this, just leave her alone, and get it together. Don't try, DO!

You can do this.

I wish · Nov 26, 2009, 11:14 AM

Go do something fun with your friends. Spend time with family.

Just get your mind off her.

Hang in there, with time, it will get easier.

Gemini54 · Nov 27, 2009, 12:13 AM

Look, she's spent the last year living with what you describe as a 'nightmare'. You've told her that you're sorry and she's taking her time thinking about if and when she wants you back.

You need to prove to her that you HAVE changed. That means respecting her requests for space and dealing with the hurt you're feeling. You created this situation, so now you must deal with it. Stop driving by her house, stop texting, stop the unexpected visits.

Start exercising, start eating well, start talking to your family and friends. Start finding out why you behaved like a $hit. If you want her back you have to prove that you understand why you were so horrible, not just say you're sorry and that you'll never do it again.

Actions speak louder than words.

hoppy1403 · Dec 2, 2009, 04:18 PM

Hi well I have not spoke or had any contact now for six days but got in tonight with a message on answerphone asking how I am and would I like to see the dog at some point what do I do I am happy to reply but not straight away as I don't want to seem desperate. Its really weird to hear her voice and hard to know what to say any advice.

amicon · Dec 3, 2009, 04:51 AM

It seems you have regained some balance in your life,but are you really ready to contact her? I suggest you don't but carry on doing your own thing, recover your strength and stay NC for as long as that takes.

hoppy1403 · Dec 3, 2009, 05:55 AM

I do feel better she phoned me last night I was out at a friends house got back to message I left it I might call tonight but be very brief not to act desperate no I love you I miss you do you want to meet non of that just hi how are you etc. after that carry on with NC rule unless she calls I am not making the calls I don't have her mobile number only remember her house number.

amicon · Dec 3, 2009, 06:38 AM

It's good you're doing so much better.
I would advice you to proceed with caution as regards any contact-NC means no contact at all, I e not taking or responding to their calls or messages either.

talaniman · Dec 3, 2009, 09:12 AM

I wouldn't respond at all, seeing as all those feelings your working hard to deal with, will be stirred up again, and that's for sure. Why should you suffer for her curiosity?

Be honest with yourself for a second fella, does a response benefit you at this time, or her?

Are you really ready for more of the same rejection in the end,or hoping she has changed her mind?

You better think carefully of your actions, before you do anything, and put your needs, above hers, for a change.

hoppy1403 · Dec 3, 2009, 02:22 PM

She called me again tonight had a brief talk how things etc that was it I took her number off my call list so I don't have it I await to make the move again when she wants to.

amicon · Dec 3, 2009, 02:34 PM

I think you'll find that 100% no contact will work best,you need to allow yourself to get back on track-let her do her thing,while you do yours.

hoppy1403 · Dec 3, 2009, 02:48 PM

I am I'm not going to ignore her I love her but she has to do the running as I have done that I will not make the contact she can contact me. She wants me to see the dog as she is ours this weekend but I am going to leave it.

hoppy1403 · Dec 5, 2009, 04:31 AM

Hi had another phone call last night we had a chat about how things were etc. We then got onto the subject of us she said she could not go back to the way things were I said I did not want to either. She said I was not the person she fell in love with and I have been selfish.She said that we could be friends I said no as there is too much got on between us. Then I said I have been thinking and I have matured over this breakup and that maybe you could hear me out by maybe meeting up. In her own time can't remember what she said but she has been making the contact. If we were to meet maybe go bowling or something fun just to break the ice I am not sure.

amicon · Dec 5, 2009, 04:41 AM

You can't remember what her reply was? So you don't know what she wants to do? I'd say it's much too early for you to meet up and talk as I find nothing that says she s willing to have a serious discussion about the two of you.

hoppy1403 · Dec 5, 2009, 04:49 AM

Yeah I think it is early to meet I am not making contact or the descions why would she call me she called me Wednesday left message then I left it she called again on house phone I was not in then on my mobile then again on house phone last nitw what's that all about.

amicon · Dec 5, 2009, 04:58 AM

As to why we can only guess which isn't constructive. Me, I wouldn't take her calls as they will add to your confusion and slow down your own healing process.

hoppy1403 · Dec 5, 2009, 05:02 AM

I don't want to lose her if she desides to contact or meet then il agree but I am not making the contact friends is not an option for us it either try again or cut off each other I mean she has a lot stuff in flat.

talaniman · Dec 5, 2009, 08:22 AM

what's that all about.

Its about being demoted to the friend zone because that the only way you stay in her life.

she said she could not go back to the way things were I said

No more romance, just friend is the translation she meant. Of course you see this as a chance to show you have changed and can be with her, IF SHE TAKES YOU BACK! That's FALSE HOPE, playing with you mind.

I did not want to either. She said I was not the person she fell in love with and I have been selfish.She said that we could be friends i said no as there is too much got on between us. Then I said I have been thinking and I have matured over this breakup and that maybe you could hear me out by maybe meeting up.

This is a perfect example of you not listening, and trying to get her to take you back. Her mind is made up, but your not hearing that. Sure she will go out with you, as friends because she still has options, and opportunities, that she is leaving open. She doesn't have to break up with you any more because you are already broken up, and your in the friend zone whether you like it or not. She simply has to not spend time with you, if something better does come up.

She is only contacting you out of boredom now, and you would be very wise to take the hint, stop all contact, and stop pursuing her at all, even as a friend.

Heal and disappear from her life, or drag this useless effort to have romance out, until reality hits you between your eyes, and will hurt you more than anything you have experienced.

And of course you will be mad, and make it all her fault, but in reality, its you who should have made a better choice, and a better course of action, given the facts, and not your FEELINGS.

You can't see that now, but you will.