[MizzLizz]

I am in need of advice. I have been married for 3 years but now I feel like its all falling apart. Sometimes I feel like I don't even love my husband anymore. We fight constantly about every little thing. I'm fed up with having to do everything in this relationship. I have to pull double shifts just to make ends meet. My husband lost his job about a year ago and hasn't gotten a new one yet. It's not that he can't find one, it's that he simply won't. My husband doesn't do anything that I ask him to do. Even getting to take our dog out while I'm at work is a huge battle. After I get home from working a 12 hour shift, I still have to take care of all the household responsibilities, like cooking and laundry and the like. Even though he is home all day long, he doesn't do the simplest chores, even if I leave lists or notes or call and remind him. The worst part is, I can't get mad at him for anything, or talk to him about our problems without getting an hour or so lecture about how I'm a horrible, selfish person. My husband hasn't always been like this, but I don't know how to get him to go back to being the man I fell in love with 8 years ago. I know that I said "for better or worse" but I don't know how much of the worse I can take. I welcome and advice, suggestions and payers.

[redhed35]

Could it be possible that he is feeling a little depressed and not feeling like 'the man' in the relationship...

Your roles have reversed, you're the hard working wage earner.. whats he... you don't say what he does all day,but I would suspect he spends it sleeping or in front of the TV... hes sending you a message,he is not happy...

He needs to be needed.. as hard as it is for you right now and as tired as you must be trying to keep everything together... just stop for a minute...

Your husband needs you right now,probably more then he ever has,you need to talk to him.. the petty squabbles are only surface to what's really going on... listen to him... and ask him to listen to you... you both need to understand each other,and realise you both have frustrations... instead of pecking the life out of each other... talk and talk and talk..

Maybe he could do a course... some diy around the house,something that helps him feel like he is making a contribution... and the benefits will be a happier husband and a closer connection...

I know this seems to be all about him,but I do see your point... but to change your feelings its going to have to be you that starts the ball rolling.

[QLP]

I would agree with redhead that he is probably feeling demoralised and is taking it out on you.

If he won't do stuff around the house, stop asking him to (no doubt to him it's nagging because that's how men think) but stop doing it all yourself. If he hasn't got any clean clothes he will have to do something about it or do without. If he can't see that jobs need doing around the place leave the ones that bother you the least but will bother him more eventually so that hopefully he will find the motivation in himself to do something.

Give him a bit of space to find himself again. Both of you seem to think it's your job to fix everything including him.

[Dustin2239]

I'm going to be blunt here the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and thinking that it will trigger different results. Something has to change.