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afraid · Feb 23, 2008, 05:56 PM

My wife and I will have been 17yrs. In about three weeks. Two weeks ago we had a fight at that time she told me that she loved me but she didn't like me and thought we should take a break or get a divorce. We have been under a lot of finicial straights for the last few years which cause a great deal of fighting. She has a lot of friends but nun that live real close. Most of them are guys that make her laught and are always doing fun things. This wekkend she up and took a trip to Austin so she could get away and think. But I found out that one of her friend from Washington state was flying to meet her. She says she has no sexual interest in him, but I am not so sure. She went to seattle two years back to visit an old friend and his wife. She loves it there so much that is all she can think about. She would have us living there in a heartbeat if she could. The guy that she went to meet she meet on the trip there. I love this woman so much it hurt and I don't want to give up on this marriage. She says if I get help for my angrier and depression, she will get help for hers, so we can go to counciling to hopefully fix this marriage. Is there any hope?:( :( we have two children, one is by her first marriage and is out of high school and our other is a freshman in high school.

George_1950 · Feb 23, 2008, 06:00 PM

You didn't mention whether you have children: how many and what age? Thanks.

justbeme · Feb 23, 2008, 06:49 PM

I am in a similar situation, not married as long as you guys have been. If you two really love each other then there is hope, but you both have to want it. If you are willing to stick it out and talk to each other about the problems you have it could work. Every relationship has its ups and downs it is just a matter of what each of you want. As a female I also have more male friends than females and understand where you are coming from, my husband to, has his reservations about them and is constantly wondering the big what if. Women in my opinion do not see things on the same level as our counterparts do, and nine times out of ten we do not view men in the same way either, but I can only speak for myself and some of the other women I know. I say talk to her and let her be honest with you without you making her feel guilty for her feeling, I know that I sometimes am a bit reserved about sharing my feeling because of the fear of feeling guilty or bad for hurting his feeling... and in turn she needs to let you share your feeling. All you can do is try and do your part and she has to be willing to do hers. I hope this is a little help, and I am sorry to hear that you are having problems.

George_1950 · Feb 23, 2008, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by justbeme

i am in a similar situation, not married as long as you guys have been. If you two really love each other then there is hope, but you both have to want it. If you are willing to stick it out and talk to each other about the problems you have it could work. Every relationship has its ups and downs it is just a matter of what each of you want... I say talk to her and let her be honest with you without you making her feel guilty for her feeling, i know that i sometimes am a bit reserved about sharing my feeling because of the fear of feeling guilty or bad for hurting his feeling... and in turn she needs to let you share your feeling. All you can do is try and do your part and she has to be willing to do hers. I hope this is a little help, and i am sorry to hear that you are having problems.

No communication = No relationship

Communication doesn't begin with demands or accusations.

susangpyp · Feb 23, 2008, 08:15 PM

I think that if you are angry and depressed, you should go see someone and if she is finding outlets other places, she should too. That's no guarantee that you'll get back together but you should each find support from professionals.

Marriedguy · Feb 25, 2008, 08:59 AM

I don't think that this woman is marrying material. I understand that you hurt and you want her back but you can not force the pieces to fit in this puzzle. A married woman does not go on a trip with some other guy friend or not. She does not hang out with guy friends whether. Not having any interest in them sexually is not a justication.

You have every right to be angry and depressed. Unless I missed something you are being mistreated. How did she fool you into thinking that you are looking at the situation all wrong? I would bail out of this burning plane.

This woman is running over you. If you want to save this marriage you need to MAN UP! Tell that this bull is going to end NOW! If she wants to go to Seattle go but your life is here. If hanging out with her friends makes her do that. I love you. But I don't have to accept it. This is not want I want in a marriage. Leave a couple of pauses in there so when she attempts to interrupt you tell her... that you are not finished! Then you start packing something's and you say nothing else. If she does not stop you and apologize and say that she will make changes. You leave. If she loves you and willing to work it out she is going to call you.

She can either gain a new respect for you and want to change. Or she could not care. Either way is WIN WIN if she changes it will be for the better. IF does not care why would you want to be with a woman that does not care?