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amicon · Nov 25, 2009, 09:15 AM

It's a normal feeling but your body needs fuel. And your head and heart will feel better for eating.

Devorameira · Nov 25, 2009, 09:41 AM

I'm going to be blunt, so you may not want to hear this.

Verbal abuse is awful. It is possible for an abuser to change, but is it likely? Hell no!
It takes real commitment and years of therapy to change such ingrained behaviors. It’s like child molesters…they can’t change because it is how their brains were hardwired.
It can be beaten into you that your behavior is “bad”, but getting you to actually change and not just pretend that you have is almost impossible. You definitely have some self-esteem issues and codependency issues that needs to be dealt with.

All of it requires that you willingly accept what you are doing wrong, and correct the behavior with therapy, in one form or another, to start finding out what happened to you that make you behave/think like that.

I am a very empathic person but have to side with your girlfriend on this one. Unless you go get long-term help, you won't/can't change.

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 09:51 AM

I understand it was not all the time I am not crazy I know what I have done I would never treat her this way again.

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 09:58 AM

I disagree with devorameira to a point..

Sometimes in life our behaviour can change due to stress,medical or outside pressures beyond our control... the op does not state that the verbal abuse has been continious throughout the relationship,it seems to me that the last year had been where the verbal abuse has come into play in the relationship..

There's is not enough information to say that the bad behaviour cannot be adjusted.

I think it is very possible for someone who was verbally abusive to change.

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:05 AM

Reading this makes me cry I am sitting here not knowing what to do went for a little drive around villiage the only reason thought I might see her that's the truth pulling my hair out here from what has happened I know I have been bad but we have had a holiday together this year that was good need to talk to her.

I wish · Nov 25, 2009, 10:14 AM

It takes time to get over a break up. I'm sorry that there's no magic potion for immediate relief.

Many of us have gone through painful breakups and we all founds ways to overcome the pain. We all learned that "time heals all wounds." You need to be patient with yourself.

Try reading these stickes at the top of the relationship section:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...up-303761.html

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:14 AM

Have you read the stickies in the relationship forum.. theres one by 'friend4u' I think you will see a lot of your present circumstances in that thread.

If she is not calling you,and not trying too make contact,you doing it will only cause you to feel worse right now.

Can you call a friend?

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:21 AM

I have none really text one friend he is busy tonight

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:24 AM

Well then hoppy,welcome to the amhd board,there's always someone here,and plenty to learn and read.

Looking through other posts can help you see how others coped in your situation,perhaps even help someone else.

Helping someone else is great for distracting the mind... its also gives you the munchies... you have been warned!

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:37 AM

Can I say why is there still some of her things here like shoes and clothes books also she owns almost everything in the flat she also has keys

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:40 AM

Perhaps when the emotional dust settles she will make a move to get them back,or ask someone else to do it..

I would strongly advice you to be perpared for that.

Also,to keep a cool head.

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:43 AM

Do you think she thinks about me what I am feeling

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:46 AM

I don't know.

People deal with breakups in their own way.. she may be upset,or relieved.

Its understandable to want her to know how much this hurts,but I think from your posts,she tried,and she was hurting before things ended...

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:49 AM

We also have a dog together she has it at the moment.

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:55 AM

There are going to be a lot of things to sort out later.right now,you need to concentrate on you and getting some food and rest.

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 11:04 AM

Its not good also to speak with her mum

redhed35 · Nov 25, 2009, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by hoppy1403

Its not good also to speak with her mum

no.

No contact with anyone connected with your ex.

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 11:12 AM

OK so now do I wait for her to contact me and if she does do I speak I will say she moved out a month ago and it took me two weeks after two weeks it hit me but I cannot understand why we have spoken

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 11:13 AM

Some of that did not make sense

hoppy1403 · Nov 25, 2009, 11:32 AM

Thanks for talking I feel like a pain going to my brothers he does tell me that its all over she is never coming back but it hurts me very bad so I have distance myself from him but I am popping over there now once again thank you to you all mainly redhead 35 I will talk later cheers.