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italian22 · Nov 9, 2009, 11:48 AM

I was wondering if its still considered NC if you tell your ex not to contact you at all unless they want to get back together and that's the only reason you want to hear from them?

Imabadman · Nov 9, 2009, 11:53 AM

Dude... come on.

What does the phrase "No contact" mean? You, as do others, seem to take "No contact" a bit to literally. There's nothing wrong with what you did, that's usually the way I handle it too. I also mention I'm moving on with my life as well so they don't think I'm sitting around pining over them. Stay cool, calm, collect... not emotional.

No Contact is about you, your healing and your moving on. If/when you're serious about moving forward with your life you'll understand the benefits of the No Contact principals.

Ex's often reach out looking for comfort, ego strokes, backup plan, etc... you need to be able to recognize these contacts and determine do they meet with YOUR expectations, "not to contact you at all unless they want to get back together". If they don't meet your expectations, ignore the contact. ALWAYS be wary of these contacts. DO NOT READ INTO THEM.

supermannnnnn · Nov 9, 2009, 11:55 AM

No contact means = Never calling them , texting them, Facebook, faxing them, myspace, anything at all...

If you call her and tell her what you mentioned above, you have just gave the UPPER HAND to her and you lost.

You gave power to her. You made yourself look like a little mAN.

Woman don't respect that. They want REAL MEN who act like it.

redhed35 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:00 PM

There is not enough information in the op's post to give an absolute response... no circumstanes,no history...

To the op.

Depending on the situation,your history together and the reasons for the breakup...

italian22 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:01 PM

You I would never tell her that but she wanted to be friends etc but I don't think that's fair even though I do want her around. I told her ill never contact her ever again and to never contact me unless she wants to be with me. I will never contact her and I think she knows this,I'm just wondering how long it might take till she actually comes back...

Imabadman · Nov 9, 2009, 12:05 PM

Look at it this way. She is NOT coming back. Don't live on hopes and dreams. Sorry... that's reality.

You sound young... guessing under 18 yrs. You've got a long life ahead of you yet and more than likely a lot more heartbreak.

redhed35 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by italian22

ya i would never tell her that but she wanted to be friends etc but i dont think thats fair even though i do want her around. I told her ill never contact ehr ever again and to never contact me unless she wants to be with me. I will never contact her and i think she knows this,im just wondering how long it might take til she actually comes back....

You don't give any details as to why you broke up so going on your post I would advice you to go no contact and NOT expect her to come back.

Forever is a long time to wait on someone,if you can't work out the problems together,and she wants out,there's not much you can do to change her mind.

You can't make someone love you or want you,but what you can do is work on yourself,and find a way to be happy on your own.

supermannnnnn · Nov 9, 2009, 12:11 PM

So you want her back?

Do the following for the best chance at winning her back.

1) NO CONTACT. Even when she calls you.

2) Better yourself. Learn new things. Make new friends. Buy new clothes. Change hairstyle. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! Anything your heart desires. You must do this to make your INNER SELF stronger. You will come out more confident and it will show to everyone including HER! Even if she never comes back, you will have bettered yourself into a much stronger man and OTHER FEMALES would want you. So by doing this, you only win.

3) If she really loved you, she will call you sooner or later. But still apply NC. Do not pick up any phone calls. Make her miss you bad.

( if you call her and tell her not to call you unless its to tell you that she wants to be with you, you are making a big mistake of telling her what your planning to do. You can't tell her your strategies... )

4) After you have bettered yourself, she will see it. She will be the one running to you. Then you will be able to choose if you want her back. Look for HER ACTIONS. NEVER HER WORDS to decide if she is serious.

Good Luck.

redhed35 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by supermannnnnn

So you want her back?

Do the following for the best chance at winning her back.

1) NO CONTACT. Even when she calls you.

2) Better yourself. Learn new things. Make new friends. Buy new clothes. Change hairstyle. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! Anything your heart desires. You must do this to make your INNER SELF stronger. You will come out more confident and it will show to everyone including HER! Even if she never comes back, you will have bettered yourself into a much stronger man and OTHER FEMALES would want you. So by doing this, you only win.

3) If she really loved you, she will call you sooner or later. But still apply NC. Do not pick up any phone calls. Make her miss you bad.

( if you call her and tell her not to call you unless its to tell you that she wants to be with you, you are making a big mistake of telling her what your planning to do. You can't tell her your strategies......... )

4) After you have bettered yourself, she will see it. She will be the one running to you. Then you will be able to choose if you want her back. Look for HER ACTIONS. NEVER HER WORDS to decide if she is serious.

Good Luck.

Is there a money back guarantee with this advice?

italian22 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:14 PM

Hahaha OK well the story is were both FEMALES... dont get too excited guys. She's 30 and I'm 24. She's always wanted a family and I was her first female relationship. The relationship itself was always fun,we clicked better than anyone she's ever been with. I make her the happiest,she can do anything with me and have fun and is attracted to me. Problem/reason she broke up was because she said she lost feelings... we have been broken up for almost 2 months except I saw her 2 weeks ago to get her car out of my name and sign it back over to her (thats a long story within itself) at that time she asked why I've been so distant and what's going on with me etc and I told her I'm not the one who lost feelings and she said I still have feelings and asked if I'm over her... of course I said no and she said the same thing and she's not ready to date. She then asked me if I was trying to go out and meet people yet and io told her I'm just focusing on myself and she said the same thing. I also told her I kind of want her to go and date a couple people so she can see how much she's going to miss me and she said she knows she will because I've always made her the happiest and then said I was like her best friend blah blah. Her and I have always maintained great respect and had a very loving relationship... she said I showed her by the way I treated her what true love was soooooo that's why I'm confused and don't know wher to go from here and told her not to contact me at all unless she wanst to be with me and ill never contact her and she said she would promise me if she feels I'm the one she will def contact me... sorry for such a crazy long story... also we were together for a year and spent basically every day together

supermannnnnn · Nov 9, 2009, 12:18 PM

Originally Posted by redhed35

is there a money back guarantee with this advice?

NO WAY. Read carefully.

The very first sentence says " THE BEST CHANCE " Its taking a CHANCE to win her back.

Nothing is Guaranteed in LOVE. I just laid out my plan for the BEST CHANCE...

redhed35 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by supermannnnnn

NO WAY. Read carefully.

The very first sentence says " THE BEST CHANCE " Its taking a CHANCE to win her back.

Nothing is Guaranteed in LOVE. I just layed out my plan for the BEST CHANCE...

I do agree with a lot of your points in that post,however,number 4 is misleading,and perhaps the wording gives the wrong impression,esp to someone who is hurting... its a little like selling false hope.

To the op.

Romantic relationships whatever the gender go through the same problems and issues...

It would seem that the relationship has come to the end of the road,and I suggest you go no contact,without the open option of her coming back should she change her mind.

Don't be just an option!

italian22 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:32 PM

That makes a lot of sense... I def don't want to be just an option for someone. By all of what I said though you don't think maybe she's just confused?? Or maybe I'm just being crazy.. haha

Imabadman · Nov 9, 2009, 12:37 PM

Don't read into what she said. Look at her actions. She walked away from you, take that as a hint.. . it's over.

You never know what the future will bring. But you must understand you can not control her decision or feelings. Only she can. So for right now just accept that it's over and move on with your life. If she comes back... we'll then decide what you want at that point. If not... you'll have already been moving forward.

Best of luck.

redhed35 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:48 PM

If she does come back and YOU decide what's the best course of action for you..

Perhaps as you said she needs to experience more of the single life and is just not ready for a long term committed relationship.

If your both looking for different things,and have different needs in a relationship,even though you still care about her,perhaps chaulking this one up to experience is the way too go?

italian22 · Nov 9, 2009, 12:55 PM

Its just very confusing because everything fits minus her losing feelings... mabye a question could be, with not talking to her at all and giving her plenty of time and space. Can her feelings come back etc etc?

Imabadman · Nov 9, 2009, 01:00 PM

They might... her feelings very well might come back. Then again they may not.

How long are you willing to put your life on hold waiting on a slim chance that she may come back? You said it's already been a couple months...

I wish · Nov 9, 2009, 02:03 PM

You're over-analzying all the details. This is unhealthy behavior.

No contact is about healing, not about helping you get your ex back.

Just focus on yourself. You will know that you are healing when you over-analyze all the details less and less. Once the emotional dust has settle, you will feel more objective about the situation.

If she wanted you back, she will find a way to let you know. You don't need to remind her to contact you when she wants you back.

But when we talk about healing, it means, you move on with your life as if she's never coming back. Otherwise, you're just holding on to false hope and setting yourself up for disappointment, which leads to more heartbreak.

vanheart · Nov 9, 2009, 06:02 PM

Exactly.

The more you hold on. The more you will live in pain.
The more you let go, the more you will heal from this and learn what's important. (you)

Takes time & effort, man.

italian22 · Dec 8, 2009, 08:32 AM

Hey everyone... so update. My ex text me a couple weeks ago and said "dont know why but can't get you out of my mind" I never responded. Do you think I should have or what I did was good? I haven't heard from her since that text she sent.