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custom8825 · Oct 30, 2009, 02:36 PM

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years now. Been living together for 2 1/2. when we met she was 16 I was 18. We engaged to get married 6 months from now. We never talked much about past relationships before and it never really crossed my mind much because we were so young when we met.well one night after amazing sex, I opend my mouth and asked. I was astonished to what I herd. She has been with 5 others besides me.I had been with 3.she lost her virginity at 14 I was 16. So by the time she was 16 she has already slept with more people then I will my enitire lifetime.I as well found out something she was maybe hiding.she has/had an STD. now mind you this STD was one that could spread from man to women.. but not women to man.. as well surgery cleared the STD.now when I say she was maybe hiding it I mean.. I knew she had a "women" problem but I did not know it was caused by sex.. I initionaly thought she was born with the problem.. so to me it seems if I had never asked about her past would she have ever told me she had an STD. before this conversation our lives were great. Two young adults good jobs good future. Its something I still deeply want. I've never felt loved by anyone compared to her. I can also see how it hurts her knowing her past is still hurting me.we have tried to talk about it , but it usually ends in argument. I have read other stories on this site similar to this one, but giving our ages I was wondering for some other advice or oppions that could help me get back to the great guy I was before. I know the past is the past and everything supposenly happens for a reason so please try to stray away from that theroy... ive tried it.

redhed35 · Oct 30, 2009, 02:44 PM

OK,I'm going to take the view that she told you the truth... which you deserve,granted she left it late in the day,but she trusted you with that information,and trusted that you would not flip out... if she thought you would be upset,she would not have told you.

If now there are no health issues,for both of you,think for a moment,she loves you,she trusted you with delicate information,and now it has caused a rift between you... not really a good basis for a marriage.

If you can't get pass this and forgive and forget,and that's means not throwing it in her face at every row,perhaps you should re think the wedding,and consider couples councilling to help you both move on from this.

talaniman · Oct 30, 2009, 07:27 PM

If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you expect her to act?

Grow up, or lose the girl. If you can't get beyond the prejudice thinking, you are not ready for a mature adult relationship, so marriage is out of the question.

Alty · Oct 30, 2009, 07:37 PM

Everyone has a past.

From your post I think you're more upset that she's had more partners then you have. Jealous maybe?

She told you because you asked and she loves you. What did you do, you reacted badly after hearing the truth.

This is why you shouldn't ask unless you're prepared to hear the truth.

Truth, I met hubby when we were both 19, I had much more experience then him, he'd been with 3 women, I'd been with... wait, I'm counting... it was a long time ago... oh, don't forget that night... oh and him too... does fellatio count... and that other guy... anal sex isn't sex, right... oops that one drunken night and, well, it's in the double digits and doesn't matter one little bit because I'm with my husband, have been for 19 years, married for 14 and I haven't been with anyone but him since then.

The past is called the past for a reason, because it's in the past. Leave it there and look to your future.

Hallmark, here I come. ;)

slapshot_oi · Oct 30, 2009, 08:00 PM

This is something you really can't get advised on. You know it ain't right to judge, but you do it anyway. We all do that.

The only way to come out on top of these inner-conflict battles is to gain experience. You know you would think much differently if you lost your virginity at 14 and slept with five other girls.

Altenweg is right, I learned from being in your shoes that ignorance truly is bliss. You would've done well had you never known this information.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 30, 2009, 08:17 PM

First she had no obligation to tell you about past sex partners and it is none of your business. Your relationship started on the day you committed to each other, not one hour before that.

So she has had a past , the older you get the more past other women will have.

You respect and love her for who she is now, or you don't deserve her