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Twilos · Oct 18, 2009, 08:34 AM

Hello I was recently dumped and my girlfriend and I were together for a year and 10 months. The relationship was great at times but also horrible at times. We've had fights in the past where we needed to give each other space and then we would just get back together. So thereforee we've had a rocky journey. We recently had a big argument that involved us being physical. And she said she forgave me for the fight but she really didn't. Mind you she blames me for the majority of the fight when I believe it was a 2 way street and she has equal amount of blame. Also people have been buddin into our relationship for quiet a while and it had affected us negatively. And recently she has been really busy and unable to take a few minutes for a phone call or even get to hang out with me. I expressed myself to her and she decided we needed a break. While the break started then she thought of that fight we had and she decided she wanted to work on herself and she reall couldn't if she was in a relationship. She wante to better herself an the relationship showed her things.

But it's been a week since we've been broken up and she calls me and I know I shouldve done the NC rule but I did talk to her via phone and text. And its generally her calling me or texting me. And yesterday she gave me hope that she still saw the future with me and this is the best for us. And she told me she does love me and that she wouldn't get into another relationship because she wanted to be alone and improving herself. And I told her I needed my space and then she texted me this morning telling me she wanted a hug and sigh I don't know what to do. I also told her I couldn't be her friend because the only way I could be part of her life would be as a boyfriend.

This hope it killing me and like she doesn't want to easily go back into the relationship like the past and I need to kind of working my healing and live my life but I'm confused as to what to do

Jayjay027 · Oct 18, 2009, 08:41 AM

Massive alarm bells went off when I read that your last fight turned physical.

You need to stop contacting her, don't pick up her calls or answer her texts. You two have broken up and gotten back together a few times in the past, and now you hit each other? THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

She is looking out for herself by getting out of it, and rightley so. You should do the same.

amicon · Oct 18, 2009, 08:45 AM

Argument that turns physical?
That's ONE MAJOR RED FLAG!
You should go complete onehundred percent NC and don't look back.

paxe · Oct 18, 2009, 09:08 AM

She is only trying to string you along, TRUST ME, I've been there. It's a horrible place if you let her do that, you are just going to hurt yourself. You need to start NC ASAP and get over her as fast as possible. This relationship is unhealthy, get out of it.

Twilos · Oct 18, 2009, 09:10 AM

But it was a slap.

Twilos · Oct 18, 2009, 09:12 AM

sigh I really don't think she's stringing me along =(

I wish · Oct 18, 2009, 09:13 AM

Talking to her will add to the confusion, give you false hope and make you over-analyze every little detail. That is very unhealthy behavior which will only prolong your pain and suffering. What you do is follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

This relationship has been extremely toxic. You're both right that you need to work on yourselves first before worrying about a relationship with one another. Keep your distance from each other until you have both completely healed from this experience.

There's no point getting back together and having things blown up again. Maybe one day (way down the line) when both of you have worked out your personal issues you can consider a possible relationship again. But until then, focus on yourself.

Twilos · Oct 18, 2009, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Talking to her will add to the confusion, give you false hope and make you over-analyze every little detail. That is very unhealthy behavior which will only prolong your pain and suffering. What you do is follow the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

This relationship has been extremely toxic. You're both right that you need to work on yourselves first before worrying about a relationship with one another. Keep your distance from each other until you have both completely healed from this experience.

There's no point getting back together and having things blown up again. Maybe one day (way down the line) when both of you have worked out your personal issues you can consider a possible relationship again. But until then, focus on yourself.

yeah I guess your right... I need to work on myself and heal so NC here I come =/ Its going to be hard because I see her at work and we go to school together

reckless · Oct 18, 2009, 07:07 PM

You don't need her. Don't talk to her. Whether you wanted her back or not, the right course of action would be to not talk to her.

paxe · Oct 18, 2009, 09:47 PM

It ain't easy but it's something you got to do. She is stringing you along, I'm ready to bet on that. Trust me, a real man leaves without calling.

Nikita09 · Oct 18, 2009, 10:03 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

Hi dear.. I'm going the same relationship that you have but I'm the one get abuse not only by physic but also mental.. he rules every things included what and who I can be friends with I'm trying and trying give him a change for almost 3yrs but I just lost myself and my happy life so what I can said is.. MOVE ON LIFE AND THE BEST REVENGE IS HAVE A GOOD LIFE xxxx may be bit hard some time but you will more happy and relished that you no need satisfied any one else except yourself.

Now I'm so happy that I give another change for myself to be happy and reach my dreams again that I thought is gone before..

Take care and have a lovely life .

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

Twilos · Oct 18, 2009, 11:03 PM

Sigh I mean I do want to fix things for this relationship to move toward but I guess it was too late. Sigh it's so confusing and hard this moment.

paxe · Oct 19, 2009, 07:41 AM

There is nothing to fix, except yourself. Learn from your mistakes and be happy you get out of this relationship a better person. It's her loss and your gain.

Twilos · Oct 19, 2009, 08:18 AM

To be honest I did learn a lot from this relationship - just sucks that I wanted to apply what I learned on the same relationship lol... anyways it just sucks when I think about her being with someone else which I should let go but only time will heal

paxe · Oct 19, 2009, 11:02 AM

That's right everyday you'll get better, day by day. Don't worry about it.

talaniman · Oct 19, 2009, 01:28 PM

The others have given you great advice and I can only agree with what they have told you already.