Check out some similar questions!

WAKEMEUP · Oct 2, 2009, 03:38 PM

Before I got married I knew 2 guys who had dated my wife as teenages before before the 2 of us got together. She assured me it was only 2 or 3 dates and nothing happened, between them they were only 17 years old. Now I found out it that was not true. It is killing me , I'm so jealious. I confonted my wife on this and only says its was nothing, she won't say it did happen, but won't say it did,nt. Just that it stopped before it got heavy. Now we are not talking. How can I get over this jealiousy?

jmjoseph · Oct 2, 2009, 03:55 PM

Were you a virgin when the two of you got married?

How many other women did YOU get "hot and heavy" with?

We don't like to think about our girlfriends, or especially or WIVES, having already been with someone else before we got into the picture. Whether it's sex or just kissing, we don't like it.

Our past, our prior experiences, whether good or bad, make us who we are.

Do you think less of her now? Or are you even more upset because you know the guys?

Either way, you can't change it, so don't fight it.

I'll tell you one thing for sure. The bigger the deal you make of it, the bigger the wedge you are driving between yourself and your wife. Make no mistake, this will ruin your marriage if you let a thing like this eat away at you.

Go kiss your wife , and tell her that you love her just the way she is.

Catsmine · Oct 2, 2009, 03:57 PM

First thing to understand... YOUR jealousy is not HER problem. Jealousy is an emotional form of possessiveness that has no positive use whatsoever. You can sit on your bed with your toy truck and yell "MINE" or you can get over your insecurity and have a relationship.

Sorry to be blunt but you are not being a husband, you are being an owner and she cannot be blamed for resenting it.

Gemini54 · Oct 3, 2009, 01:40 AM

Wake up you fool! Keep going like this and you will lose her.

Your feelings and thoughts are your responsibility. No one make you think and feel them and you are the only person that can stop thinking and feeling them.

We all have a past. Your wife is under no obligation to tell you anything about her previous partners and what transpired with them. Guess what? That's in the past.

Why are you worried about this? Does it make you feel insecure? Why?

These are the questions you need to be asking yourself, not a blow by blow description of what happened when she was a teenager.

Take some responsibility for your jealous thoughts and act to stop them. See a counselor if necessary. Apologize to your wife for being so foolish and concentrate on your love for her.

Krs · Oct 3, 2009, 01:43 AM

Accept it and move on...

If you two are married, is because she chose you..

They were teenagers for crying out loud just get over it... It was the PAST her present and future is with you.. what you worried or jealous about??

stevetcg · Oct 3, 2009, 04:08 AM

You are not Marco Polo discovering some undiscovered territory. Anything possible can and probably has already been done to every woman you know. Come to grip with the fact that anything that happened before you is 1) immaterial and 2) none of your effin business and you will sleep a lot better at night.

And the old saying... don't ask questions you don't really want to know the answers to.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 3, 2009, 06:33 AM

So maybe she had sex with several people before you were married, she has no duty to tell you about it, and for some sad reason in our society, women are expected almost to lie and say no they were not with someone else, but men can brag about how many and different ways.

Her past is just that, her past, if you can not accept that, your marriage will be just that, in the past

Sariss · Oct 3, 2009, 08:21 AM

I really hope you didn't so much as look at another girl when you were a teenager if you are freaking out about what your wife did when she was a teen... jeeze. If I was your wife after the outburst you had I'd be second guessing being married to you. You act as if this all happened while you were married.

mudweiser · Oct 3, 2009, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by WAKEMEUP

Before I got married I knew 2 guys who had dated my wife as teenages before before the 2 of us got together.

So who cares-- if she dated 23 it shouldn't be an issue. You married her because you loved her. If you did love her you wouldn't really care about this.

She assured me it was only 2 or 3 dates and nothing happened, between them they were only 17 years old.

Why would she have to assure you anyway? It's HER past. You were NOT a part of it. She chose YOU not them! She chose YOU to make a future with.

Jesus, she was 17 it doesn't even really mean anything at that age. You're a teenager at the time, you'd fall in love with a toaster if it had a pulse.

Now I found out it that was not true. It is killing me , I'm so jealious. I confonted my wife on this and only says its was nothing, she won't say it did happen, but won't say it did,nt. Just that it stopped before it got heavy. Now we are not talking. How can I get over this jealiousy?

Get over yourself, really. She didn't even know you. How stupid is that-- your basically telling her to rewrite her past.

You're a dummy husband. Go to therapy because you do need it. Your obviously insecure and you have issues to deal with.

This type of jealousy is irrational. It really is. I can see if you were jealous about Alfred her personal trainer, or her flirty co-worker Al--- but your talking about people she was with before you.

Tsk.

Sarah

jmjoseph · Oct 3, 2009, 08:46 AM

Have all of these responses made you feel like you're being petty?

If not, read them again.

We can't expect our wives or husbands to be absolutely perfect, now can we?

I would like to know why this subject even came up in the first place. This is the worst, most unhealthy conversation that you can have with your spouse. Do not talk about how many lovers, or how many guys/girls they've kissed.

It's simply just not important as long as they are not a laboratory experiment for STD's.

Go tell your wife that you're sorry, and take her out to dinner and a movie.

Maybe you two can go"parking" on the way home.

jham123 · Oct 3, 2009, 09:10 AM

The "Men" Commandments...

Thou shalt have no other guys before me...

sandalwood7 · Oct 6, 2009, 10:28 PM

You have no right to be jealus about your wife's previous relationships. I agree with all of the posts above. Most of us have a past and most of us are not perfect people. Then again, who wants to be a perfect person.

Why do you have to judge your wife's PERFECTNESS according to how many people she has slept with? It doesn't make her dirty. It doesn't make her any less of a person. It doesn't make her damaged goods. It doesn't mean that she loves you any less or that you should love her any less.

By the way. Be happy for your wife. Experience cann be a good and positive thing too. She will probably have learned things about relationships and about herself from her past epxeriences.

There is a name for the doctrine that you are potentially buying into: The Maddona Whore Hyposthesis (refers to men who cannot consolidate a woman as being attractive and sexy, but at the same time a married/homemaker). Seeing your wife this way will only lead to your sex life going downhill.

There is nothing worse than a jealous partner. Jealousy is a very destructive and negative emotion that you should get over as fast as you can otherwise your relatiosnhip will almost certainly disintegrate. Quit the questioning and treat your wife like you love her. Loving her does not mean owning her. NONE OF US CAN EVER OWN ANYBODY AND NEVER WILL. EVEN MARRIAGE DOES NOT MEAN OWNERSHIP OF SOMEONE ELSE.

EARN LOVE AND GIVE LOVE. Don't EXPECT IT.