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Cat1864 · Sep 30, 2009, 07:04 PM

You do need to tell your sister as soon as you can. Have you even talked to her since you got home? She really needs to know what happened especially if she was thinking about a separation or divorce from her husband before this happened.

I know it isn't an easy thing to even contemplate doing right now and I know there are the fears that she will take his side. Somehow, though, I think this may be what she needs, too. I have been wondering how many of her friends or other women he has done this to.

I have said it before and I know you have said you don't feel it, but you are a very strong woman (even under the shock and confusion) and I think your children have a good role model in their mother.

JustLaw · Sep 30, 2009, 07:11 PM

Thank you for the compliment Cat. It's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time.

Cat1864 · Sep 30, 2009, 07:19 PM

You're welcome because it's true. :)

JustLaw · Oct 2, 2009, 11:11 AM

I feel so alone.

Cat1864 · Oct 2, 2009, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by JustLaw

I feel so alone.

You aren't. We're here. :)

When is your next session?

amicon · Oct 2, 2009, 11:20 AM

Im sorry you feel alone-you ve had and still have a tough time.
Is there someone you could phone or visit to take your mind off things for a while?

JustLaw · Oct 2, 2009, 02:06 PM

I'll pull through.

JustLaw · Oct 11, 2009, 08:42 PM

Well I told my sister last night. It went OK but still killed me and broke my heart. The brother in law had been giving her a hard time about things and calling her a bunch of BAD names. She had already planned on divorcing and he was being a jerk, in general.

I could tell she was mad, but not at me. She told me to do what I have to do to take care of me and the kids. She told me I didn't do anything wrong and that everything will be OK. I felt relieved on one hand and sick to my stomach on the other.

She was out when I told her, I didn't know that... but she said she called BIL and told him that she was DONE and was not going to fight or ague with him anymore. That she had... had it! She didn't tell him what she knew, but she said she could tell he knew what she was talking about because he can be very argumentative and he didn't say a thing.

Within minutes he called my cell. I didn't answer and he left no message, thank God.

In my relief, I did text the boyfriend just to say, I had called and told my sister. Why I did I don't know... maybe I thought he would be proud of me.. but of course, still no response... since Sept. 24th.

Cat1864 · Oct 11, 2009, 09:20 PM

I'm glad you finally told her. I know it feels bad right now, but you did the right thing and it sounds like she feels the same way.

That was a huge step in healing yourself. It might have been a step for her too.

Sorry the (I hope) ex-boyfriend still hasn't managed to find his head.

How is counseling going?

amicon · Oct 12, 2009, 02:16 AM

You ve handled this really well and as you are so strong and able to stand up for yourself you ll come through this.
As for the boyfriend I sincerely hope you re leaving him in the past as well.
Let him stay under that rock he crawled under weeks ago.
All the best.

JustLaw · Oct 12, 2009, 07:45 AM

I have my 3rd appt today. The boyfriend still hasn't contacted me. I find myself nervous about the BIL showing up. Everyone assures me that he won't, but I still feel scared.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2009, 08:18 AM

If you feel that he might take his frustration and anger out on you, at the very least, keep your cell phone handy ready to dial the police in your area.

Since your therapist has handled situations like this before, tell her about your fears and see what she says. It is also a lot easier for you to give her more information about why you are worried than it is to give us every little detail. Plus there is something to be said for personal contact when you are discussing concerns about safety issues.

Keep your eyes open and trust your instincts.

I hope today's session goes well. :)

JustLaw · Oct 14, 2009, 09:53 AM

It went OK... I reached out to the BF via my blog, which he read. I put it all out there, what I thought was going on, how I didn't know for sure because he wasn't communicating, wondered why he wasn't communicating... and nothing. So... I said your silence tells me you have moved on and let me go...

He didn't respond, so in my mind, he didn't differ.

amicon · Oct 14, 2009, 10:03 AM

Well his silence speaks volumes. I hope your counselling goes well and that you make good recovery from the breakup as well.

JustLaw · Oct 14, 2009, 10:08 AM

I hope so. This one really bites. They way he did it AND the way he didn't do it... and when. I know there is never a good time for a break up but this was lower than low and cruel.

How heartless is this?? From a man who just a week before told me how much he loved me. What a joke. We were together for 15 months...

From the way he has treated me during this, I feel like the whole thing was a lie. I feel like such a joke.

amicon · Oct 14, 2009, 10:23 AM

You re no joke at all-you re a very strong person who s handling not one horror but two very well.
Your ex s a joke and a bad one.
Breakups are tough -but you re well rid of that coward.
Love is not about words but about actions-his actions or lack of same are abominable.
Take care of yourself .

JustLaw · Oct 14, 2009, 10:42 AM

It's killing me inside.

amicon · Oct 14, 2009, 10:51 AM

When we go through these traumas it does feel like that sometimes.
It will get better though ,time is a healer.
Have you got friends and family to talk to?
It helps when we have people who care about us around.

JustLaw · Oct 14, 2009, 10:58 AM

I've tried but I have found people only want to talk a bit here and there. Nothing solid at all.

Am I wrong or is he treating me as if I have wronged him?

Cat1864 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:01 AM

I fully agree with amicon that you are not the joke. That excuse for a human being is. It is a good thing you found out now instead of later how he handles stressful situations or rather doesn't handle them.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are so much better than he deserves.