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dbailey · Apr 7, 2007, 04:05 PM

I have a friend who recently told me that she is being sexually abused at home. She said her dad has been sexually abusing her since she was a little kid. She won't let me go to the cops about it, and she says if I do she will deny it on the stand if it goes to court. I don't know what to do. She called me the other night after it had happened again and she was crying and it made her so sick that she would throw up. I want to help her but I don't know what I can do without going to the cops, and if she is just going to deny it I don't know how going to the cops would even help. Any ideas?

J_9 · Apr 7, 2007, 04:07 PM

Could you talk to a school counselor? That may be a start. Or a teacher?

The counselors are educated in dealing whit these types of situations.

cmeador · Apr 7, 2007, 04:15 PM

This is an awful position for a friend to be in. I know if there is nothing she wants done about it she would not have told anyone. It could be her age that is keeping her from talking to the cops. But I would try to find some information for her to help her with the stress she must be feeling. If you can talk to a councilor and ask them what you might could do for a friend and keep her confidence it would help you to know how to help your friend. I would just tell the councilor I have a friend and I have to keep her name out of this but I really need to help her what can I do? Really to address this question I would refer you to a professional, because this is a life altering action that is being taken upon your friend and you need accurate information in order to help her get past this and seek help. She must get out of this. If she is a minor she may be afraid of the court system and embarrassed, so it is going to be very touchy. Get her some help confidentially.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 7, 2007, 04:39 PM

Your friend is crying and yelling for help, so tell a couselor at school ( assumeing you are school age) tell a teacher you can trust.

If she wanted to keep this a secret she would not have told you, it is her way to passing the guilt of telling to someone else.

But you need to get this reported so it stops and so she can get professoinal help

louie1 · Apr 7, 2007, 05:10 PM

Your friend desperately needs your help and her confiding in you is her first cry for help.

Does she have access to a computer whereby she can contact people online i.e. the samaritans to talk her through the options.

Personally I feel that she needs to get out and go to a relative to seek some help however she is obviously scared of the roller coaster of events that will follow.

Could you maybe invite your friend for a sleep over and you go online together - she really needs your support now and will do to see her through this whole thing as the only way to stop this is to expose it!

Her mother would be mortifyed if she knew this was happening to her baby - can she not tell mum , please remind her that she must not feel ashamed , she has not bought this on herself and the only one that is in the wrong is her father!

robertsqueen · Apr 7, 2007, 07:53 PM

Your friend is seeking help. I remember when I was little and my brother was raping me I told a friend what was happening. She told her mom and I got help. You cant' just let it keep happening. You need to go to CPS. She will thank you later for helping her.

iscorpio · Apr 7, 2007, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by dbailey

I have a friend who recently told me that she is being sexually abused at home. she said her dad has been sexually abusing her since she was a little kid. She wont let me go to the cops about it, and she says if I do she will deny it on the stand if it goes to court. I dont know what to do. She called me the other night after it had happend again and she was crying and it made her so sick that she would throw up. I want to help her but i dont know what I can do without going to the cops, and if she is just going to deny it i dont know how going to the cops would even help. Any ideas?

Maybe tell your parents or a adult relation how worried you are for her and they will react in the way most decent adults would, it would be out of your hands and it would be stopped and all you would have done would have been to voice your concern for a friend, she would thank you for it in the end, this man is a monster, let the adults take charge. Take care, love and peace anne x

Matt3046 · Apr 8, 2007, 08:20 PM

Tell your parents .

EnglishRose · Apr 9, 2007, 09:16 AM

You poor thing, this must be awful for you but you should be very pleased that your friend trusts you enough to tell you about this. Coming on here and looking for help shows that you are a great friend who wants to help.
You need to try and get her to tell her mother. It is very likely that this man is threatening her to keep quiet or leading her to believe that this is, in some way her own fault. People who do these things are controlling and she is not to be blamed for believing these lies. Let her know that you will support her and even be there when she tells her mother if she needs you to. Also, sadly, there are mothers out there who know what is happening. This is an awful truth that you have to be prepared for. Other mothers will believe that their child is lying because they too have fallen victim to these controlling people. Try and get her to discuss it with her mother, if that does not help or does not get the reaction you were hoping for then you MUST tell someone. Your mother, a teacher etc. You may be worried that you are breaking a friendship by doing this but you have to remember that some things in life are far more important! If you let this go on you will never forgive yourself and she will eventually may be hurt that you did not save her when she needed you.
Do not worry that is she denies it you will look silly. That will never be the case. Also people who work with children have to complete training on child protection. They know when a child is covering for an adult and are trained to reasure the child into telling them what has happened. They will deal with this. Your mother may be able to alert the police and social services for you.
Please, I beg you, do not allow this to continue. A man like this needs to be stopped!

EnglishRose · Apr 9, 2007, 09:19 AM

I would like to take back something I said above. Tell your mother now. Don't wait, because you need support in this too! After all I presume you are just a child too. She will support you and know what to do.

EnglishRose · Apr 9, 2007, 09:49 AM

Sorry if you are not a child by the way, I mean that you are your parents child and they will want to support you

smoothy · Apr 9, 2007, 09:55 AM

There is no excuse to let someone be abused after you know its been happening. Call a professional. They are trained in what to do.

kitch428 · Apr 11, 2007, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by dbailey

I have a friend who recently told me that she is being sexually abused at home. she said her dad has been sexually abusing her since she was a little kid. She wont let me go to the cops about it, and she says if I do she will deny it on the stand if it goes to court. I dont know what to do. She called me the other night after it had happend again and she was crying and it made her so sick that she would throw up. I want to help her but i dont know what I can do without going to the cops, and if she is just going to deny it i dont know how going to the cops would even help. Any ideas?

Deny it? Tell her to set up video of one of these abusing situations. Pics are worth a 1000 words. No denying that!

Ash123 · Apr 11, 2007, 08:40 PM

This is VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY SERIOUS.

Contact a law enforcement officer and find your way to whomever heads a task force on this matter and explain the entire situation.

... perhaps they will set up a phone tap and/or surveillance. Or simply remove the offending party once they can. If you are under 21, contact your parents about this... form an alliance quickly.

Your friends life has been ruined. she will never be 100% healthy. but every day she waits, is a day lost in the journey to get better and better.

If this is a real posting and I am assuming it is, there are few more serious than this.
Tell your parents and go to the authorities. She may say she will deny it, and she may be programmed to protect him right now, but this must be dealt with now - or it is inhumane.

Prayers and strength to all concerned.

Shelly24 · Apr 15, 2007, 01:49 AM

Can you talk to her on the computer? If so, try to get her to talk a little about it. Just ask, Are you OK today. Save your e-mail if she talks and you will have some proof. If not, try to record your phone converstions. Whatever the case may be. You need to report this. The police will tape your calls for you. We had this done. Social workers also know how to see if someone is telling the truth or not. Even a phyiscal on her, if she is young. She might not like it if tell, but she will later on. Save your friend, now before it even gets worse... GODD LUCK AND GET HELP

CrazyDaisyLou · Apr 15, 2007, 07:26 PM

I am sitting at home crying for your friend.

If you haven't already done something about this, you really do want to do something right away. This is coming from someone who was sexually abused by two different people as a child. The reason she may be telling you not to tell anyone is because she may be scared about what is going to happen once an authority figures know what is happening to her.

If she is still willing to talk to you about the subject, ask her why it is that she doesn't want you to tell anyone. I know in my experience, I was told from the one person (who is a relative) that I couldn't tell anyone about it, or he would go to jail, and he worked on my feelings so I would feel bad for him, and still let him do it.

I never told anyone about this until now, and I, to this day, have problems trusting people and starting new relationships. Please, make sure someone knows who can be a great help to her, and keep us posted. People like her dad deserve to be locked in jail and the key thrown away.

letmetellu · Apr 15, 2007, 09:21 PM

I worked as a volunteer at a sexual assault and abused woman's center for several years. There is one thing that you need to think about before you get others involved. How sure are you that this girl is telling the truth, is it possible that she is just seeking attention, is it possible that her dad did something to discipline her and this is her way of getting even.

After you are 100% sure that she is telling you the truth then talk to her and tell her that you want to tell your mother. Talk this over with her and I believe you can tell by her reactions whether she will want you to do that. If she does tell you it is OK to tell you mother then ask her if she would like to be with you when you tell her. Hopefully she will go with you and she can explain to your mother what all has happened and your mother then can make the necessary phone calls to start getting the girl some help.

I suggest that you mother call, anonymously, a crisis hot line that deals in sexual matters. Tell them what the situation is and ask them what is the best way to pursue this. Even if this takes a couple of weeks to figure out what is the right thing to do it will be worth the wait to make sure that is is done right.

This girl has to know all of the possible results of what might happen. Her father could be sent to jail, her mother and father could be divorced, if she has brothers and sisters they could hate her for causing so much trouble in their lives.

There is a national Rape Crisis Hot line plus there may be one local in her town.