[ScottGem]

We give advice here. We tell people what we think they should do in their situation. What the people want to do with that advice is up to them.

A wedding doesn't have to cost very much. It can be as simple as going before a judge or magistrate which will cost almost nothing.

There will be many advantages to you AND your children by getting that marriage certificate. Don't wait 5 years, I see no reason not to do it now. You can have a big party for your 5th anniversary.

[TamaraM191]

We give advice here. We tell people what we think they should do in their situation. What the people want to do with that advice is up to them.

A wedding doesn't have to cost very much. It can be as simple as going before a judge or magistrate whihc will cost almost nothing.

There will be many advantages to you AND your children by getting that marriage certificate. Don't wait 5 years, I see no reason not to do it now. You can have a big party for your 5th anniversary.

I know. But I am just more focused on my career. Its
A long path ahead of me. But within 5 years for sure.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm puzzled - no money to get married but two children out of wedlock?

What exactly is your career choice?

And you are aware that if something happens to "your man" you have no legal rights if you are not married. And, yes, it happens.

Just out of curiosity because these problems are posted all the time - was the father addicted, a low life, when you had sex with him and conceived this child or did that come later?

[TamaraM191]

I'm puzzled - no money to get married but two children out of wedlock?

What exactly is your career choice?

And you are aware that if something happens to "your man" you have no legal rights if you are not married. And, yes, it happens.

Just out of curiosity because these problems are posted all the time - was the father addicted, a low life, when you had sex with him and conceived this child or did that come later?

Holy crap. I am 19 yrs old!! I am not 30!! My boyfriend makes 4 grand a month
And I bring in 1100

2000 mortgage, 1000 truck... and food and bills, yeah no money for a wedding, but
We are good for everything else. I don't need to rush into marriage its only been 3 yrs.
My career choice, how nosey are you, I am in school to become a Practical nurse.

Wow, very personal questions here. HE LIED HIS AGE TO ME, he certainly didn't look young
And yes he was a low life hence WHY I am not with him anymroe, and hence why he don't care about his daughter,

[ScottGem]

There are good reasons we ask these questions. Its not nosiness, but because we need information to make sure we are providing the best advice. Also, you need to understand that your experiences may help other people. Some people just browse these forums to look for people with a similar situation and may learn from them.

For example, we may have a girl around 16 who just met this seemingly nice boy who wants to have sex with her. This girl may read this thread and think twice about it. She may, at the least, get to know this boy better before she takes that step. By relating your experience, you may help prevent someone from making the same mistakes you did.

And I will state, again, you don't have to have an expensive wedding. You can get married in a civil ceremony for very little money. But the longer you wait to get married, the greater risk you take. If you want to protect yourself and your child, you will make it legal ASAP.

[JudyKayTee]

The cost of getting married is the cost of the license and, again, strictly from a legal standpoint I hope "your man" has protected you from financial harm. You wouldn't be the first or the last to post that suddenly "her man" found someone else and she was outside with no place to live because everything was in his name.

And I trust anyone else who is considering turning 19 and having two children will read this and reconsider.

As far as the father's age - he lied about that. You never noticed he was a deadbeat and a druggie?

No one is picking on you - you posted a question and don't seem willing to accept the answer. In my area the LPN course is very short, something like 8 months, but this may very well be different in other areas.

[Synnen]

The cost of the average courthouse wedding is about $50 for a marriage license

If you're making $5500 a month and can't swing $50 to get married, then YOU are the one with issues.

[this8384]

Holy crap. I am 19 yrs old!!!!! i am not 30 !!! my bf makes 4 grand a month
and i bring in 1100

2000 mortgage, 1000 truck....and food and bills, yeah no money for a wedding, but
we are good for everything else. I dont need to rush into marriage its only been 3 yrs.
my career choice, how nosey are you, i am in school to become a Practical nurse.

Wow, very personal questions here. HE LIED HIS AGE TO ME, he certainly didnt look young
and yes he was a low life hence WHY i am not with him anymroe, and hence why he dont care about his daughter,

You pay $2,000 a month for a house and $1,000 a month for a truck? What kind of job does your boyfriend have?

I don't see what the difference between being 19 and being 30 makes. I don't find it to be "rushing into marriage" if you've spent 3 years with this person and want him to adopt your child. Clearly, you see yourself with him long-term... but of course, that's just an assumption.

[TamaraM191]

The cost of getting married is the cost of the license and, again, strictly from a legal standpoint I hope "your man" has protected you from financial harm. You wouldn't be the first or the last to post that suddenly "her man" found someone else and she was outside with no place to live because everything was in his name.

And I trust anyone else who is considering turning 19 and having two children will read this and reconsider.

As far as the father's age - he lied about that. You never noticed he was a deadbeat and a druggie?

No one is picking on you - you posted a question and don't seem willing to accept the answer. In my area the LPN course is very short, something like 8 months, but this may very well be different in other areas.

No. I would not be outside. Rememeber I am only 19. I have amazing family, I would never be outside. I have many places that my family said the doors are always open. I am not stupid here.

I was young, I was only 15. I was going the wrong direction, hanging with the wrong crowd. When I got pregnant... I left that crowd, and turned my life around.

Here, its 2 yrs. Plus 1 yr of upgrading.

[TamaraM191]

There are good reasons why we ask these questions. Its not nosiness, but because we need information to make sure we are providing the best advice. Also, you need to understand that your experiences may help other people. Some people just browse these forums to look for people with a similar situation and may learn from them.

For example, we may have a girl around 16 who just met this seemingly nice boy who wants to have sex with her. This girl may read this thread and think twice about it. She may, at the least, get to know this boy better before she takes that step. By relating your experience, you may help prevent someone from making the same mistakes you did.

And I will state, again, you don't have to have an expensive wedding. You can get married in a civil ceremony for very little money. But the longer you wait to get married, the greater risk you take. If you want to protect yourself and your child, you will make it legal ASAP.

Well me getting pregnant was not a mistake. I love my kids dearly, and if it were
A mistake then I would have thought about abortion, so no, in my situation it was never a mistake or a regret. I may regret the guy who made my first kid, but never regret having my kid.

I am not getting married at 19 sorry.

[stinawords]

I'm glad you are moving in the right direction. However, the fact remains the same... if you want your husband to adopt you first have to have a husband. Also as stated you don't have to have a big fancy wedding you can get married for under a hundred bucks at the court house. No one is trying to rush you into something you aren't ready for but like I said for your husband to adopt you have to have a husband.

[TamaraM191]

You pay $2,000 a month for a house and $1,000 a month for a truck? What kind of job does your boyfriend have??

I don't see what the difference between being 19 and being 30 makes. I don't find it to be "rushing into marriage" if you've spent 3 years with this person and want him to adopt your child. Clearly, you see yourself with him long-term...but of course, that's just an assumption.

Because I am not ready to have that "marriage" yet. And when I say him adopting her, I don't mean tomorrow, this was all for future refence not tomorrow.

My boyfriend is a window cleaner LOL. He is a subcontractor, and makes about roughly
200-300 a day. Then works with his dad installing windows/siding/facsia/flooring/coching/doors pretty much everything to build a house
He does with his dad.

[TamaraM191]

I'm glad you are moving in the right direction. However, the fact remains the same... if you want your husband to adopt you first have to have a husband. Also as stated you don't have to have a big fancy wedding you can get married for under a hundred bucks at the court house. No one is trying to rush you into something you aren't ready for but like I said for your husband to adopt you have to have a husband.

Yeah. I know that totally. Everyone replying to this, thinks I wanted him to adopt
My daughter like tomorrow. This was all in the air, for future reference. I want to MAKE sure that I will be with him you know 4 yrs down the road then think about marriage, and then talk more about adoption. Because what happens if I was to take this advice, get married tomorrow, and then end up getting a divorce 2 yrs later because I am only 19. Never know what could come in a few years.

[this8384]

I am not stupid here.

I was young, i was only 15. I was going the wrong direction, hanging with the wrong crowd.

I'm going to ignore that statement and move on to the next one. I'm sure everyone else can see what I do.

And when i say him adopting her, i dont mean tomorrow, this was all for future refence not tomorrow.

Nobody said you were filing for adoption "tomorrow." Like I said earlier, if you want to have him adopt her, you obviously plan on being with him long-term... correct?

Well me getting pregnant was not a mistake.

So... you planned to get pregnant with a 14-year-old drug addict's child? Accidentally getting pregnant doesn't mean that you love your child(ren) any less. It just means that you weren't planning on it.

[TamaraM191]

I'm going to ignore that statement and move on to the next one. I'm sure everyone else can see what I do.



Nobody said you were filing for adoption "tomorrow." Like I said earlier, if you want to have him adopt her, you obviously plan on being with him long-term....correct?



So....you planned to get pregnant with a 14-year-old drug addict's child? Accidentally getting pregnant doesn't mean that you love your child(ren) any less. It just means that you weren't planning on it.

But the way people were talking, it was "get married asap" all I asked was if I needed to be married first... not all this other stuff included.

No I did not plan it. It was unplanned, but does not mean she was A MISTAKE!

[this8384]

But the way people were talking, it was "get married asap" all I asked was if I needed to be married first... not all this other stuff included.

You're not listening. What people said was that you needed to be married before adoption could even be a possibility. You took an offense and assumed they were telling you to get married immediately.

No I did not plan it. It was unplanned, but does not mean she was A MISTAKE!

Again, not listening. I wasn't implying whatsoever that your child is something to be considered wrong or regretted. But the bottom line is that you didn't plan it; there's no way around that. Saying you didn't plan to get pregnant doesn't mean that you don't want, love or cherish your child.

[TamaraM191]

You're not listening. What people said was that you needed to be married before adoption could even be a possibility. You took an offense and assumed they were telling you to get married immediately.



Again, not listening. I wasn't implying whatsoever that your child is something to be considered wrong or regretted. But the bottom line is that you didn't plan it; there's no way around that. Saying you didn't plan to get pregnant doesn't mean that you don't want, love or cherish your child.

EXACTLY! But the other person stated it was a MISTAKE there are two different things.

MISTAKE- YOU Didn't WANT TO HAVE THE BABY
REGRET- YOU WISH IT Didn't HAPPEN
ACCIDENT- IT Happened AND NOW HAVE TO GO ABOUT IT.

[this8384]

EXACTLY! but the other person stated it was a MISTAKE there are two different things.

MISTAKE- YOU DIDNT WANT TO HAVE THE BABY
REGRET- YOU WISH IT DIDNT HAPPEN
ACCIDENT- IT HAPPEND AND NOW HAVE TO GO ABOUT IT.

First of all, you need to stop typing in CAPS lock. That is the equivalent of shouting.

Secondly, I don't know Scott as well as I know other people on this board, but I know him well enough that I can tell you when he referred to your "mistakes" he didn't mean your child. He meant becoming involved with a druggie, having sex at such a young age, and possibly even becoming pregnant so young. But he did not mean that your child was a mistake.

Also, mistake is defined as "an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc."
Mistake Definition | Definition of Mistake at Dictionary.com
Nowhere does that mean that you didn't want your child.

Just calm down a bit; everyone here is trying to help you.

[Synnen]

EXACTLY! but the other person stated it was a MISTAKE there are two different things.

MISTAKE- YOU DIDNT WANT TO HAVE THE BABY
REGRET- YOU WISH IT DIDNT HAPPEN
ACCIDENT- IT HAPPEND AND NOW HAVE TO GO ABOUT IT.

Adoption must give me a completely different perspective from you on this.

MISTAKE--you didn't PLAN a pregnancy--you got pregnant "by mistake".
REGRET--you wish you could change how you did something or said something, not that you wish it didn't happen. I regret that I couldn't raise my daughter. I don't wish I'd never gotten pregnant.
ACCIDENT--again, something you didn't plan. That doesn't mean the consequences of it aren't good, though. The microwave oven was discovered "on accident".

[TamaraM191]

First of all, you need to stop typing in CAPS lock. That is the equivalent of shouting.

Secondly, I don't know Scott as well as I know other people on this board, but I know him well enough that I can tell you when he referred to your "mistakes" he didn't mean your child. He meant becoming involved with a druggie, having sex at such a young age, and possibly even becoming pregnant so young. But he did not mean that your child was a mistake.

Also, mistake is defined as "an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc."
Mistake Definition | Definition of Mistake at Dictionary.com
Nowhere does that mean that you didn't want your child.

Just calm down a bit; everyone here is trying to help you.

You know what happened in my life, I learned from. It was amazing I became pregnant so young because it made me realize wow I was off to a bad start and it turned my life around into getting something good of it. And he was into the weed and the partying, I never have touched drugs, and I was young didn't know much, and getting pregnant young is not always bad, it all depends on who you are, and if you can do it. I saved up a lot of money when I was pregnant, worked a full time job, after my first was born, I saved 7000 dollars (as I was still at home and not having to pay nothing) all my paychecks went to my dads saving account so I didn't spend it. Then when she was born, I went back to school, and graduated of 09 jan. But in general its not a good thing to become pregnant at 15.

I was giving an example of a mistake. You know when parents are mad they say "you were a mistake i didnt want you" that is what I was relating it to as to I am not like that.