[gracieone]

My husband has been raising his daughter on his own since she was about 6 weeks old. When we started dating she was a little over 2 years old. Her birth mother has been in and out of her life since she was born and pretty much just did it because of a jealousy thing. She had weekend visitation on the 2nd and 4th weekends of the month, when she decided to show up. About three weeks ago the mother told our lawyer that she wanted to sign her rights away so that I would be able to adopt, which is a very exciting time for me, but it is a very sad situation for my step daughter. She knows who her mother is and loves her and she also has a 3 yr old brother that lives with her mother. Yesterday our lawyer visited the mother's house and she signed the papers to give up her rights and I will be legally able to adopt her within 30 days. She even packed all of her belongings in a bag and sent them with our lawyer for us to pick up at his office. My husband and I have really been trying to decide how to bring this discussion up with our very smart almost 6 year old and would like some advice and pointers. Do we just take her completely away from her mother and brother or should we allow for visits with her in our home. And the mother's parents, how do we deal with that. (Keep in mind that they don't know about the rights being signed away and the adoption yet because we didn't want them to try and talk her out of it) (But my husband and I get along fairly well with the grandparents) This is just going to be a big adjustment for her and we want it to go smoothly and know that she is loved by us very much. Please give us an easy way to deal with this.

[RichardBondMan]

A similar situation existed for me when I adopted my stepdaughter at about her age 6. Every situation, every 6 yr old is different but my wife and I simply let her know her father loved her, could not take care of her and that her mother and I loved her very much. Her first question was "can I go play now?" About age 14 she was disciplined by me and in a fit of anger, she said she wanted to go see her "real" father. Next day I checked her out of school and took her to see her father who had not had any contact with her for the last 8 yrs, no Christmas card, no birthday card, no contact at all. I introduced them (re-introduced), excused myself then she came out about 10 minutes later. That was it. Then about age 16 or 17 she commented to her mother that she sort of expected a birthday card from her "father". Anyway, to answer you question, I might suggest asking a family counselor for how to approach this issue. I didn't do that and all is great today and she's now 28.