[TamaraM191]

I have been living with my man for 3 years. My daughter is 3. He has been there for her in every situation since she was born, the Bio father is NOT on the BIRTHCERTIFICATE, he does not care to see her, nor pay child support, and has not done nothing for her or seen her since she was born, and he is only 17, and my man is 21.

Can my BF adopt her? Or do I have to wait till we are married for 2 yrs
And does the bio dad have to sign his rights away even if he's not on the birth
Certificate?

[stinawords]

What state are you in? Most states do require at least a year of marriage not just living together for three years. Why haven't you gone to court to get a support order? That is the only way that the bio father will owe support if you don't have an order he dosen't owe anything. He will have to sign to allow the adoption and you will need an attorney to draw up the papers so you may as well start looking for one now and they will let you know what your local laws are for adoptions.

[s_cianci]

The biological father has to give his consent in order for another man to adopt your daughter. Without his name on the birth certificate it doesn't sound like there's been any legal establishment of paternity even though you know who the biological father is and he (presumably) hasn't denied paternity. But even so, almost without exception, his consent would be required. Now the fact that you're not married to your "man" will be an obstacle, even though you've been living with him for 3 years. In your question you mention "being married for 2 years." Perhaps that's a standard in your particular jurisdiction ; I can't say for sure. Also, if I'm reading your thread correctly, your 3-year-old daughter's father is only 17. That means he was only 14 when she was born ; hardly in a position to pay child support. Certainly he'd be expected to do so later on, when he's older and has an education and hence the means. In fact, at age 17 I'm not even sure any judge would let him voluntarily sign away his rights even if, all other things being equal, conditions were generally favorable for an adoption.

[Fr_Chuck]

First do you have a custody order and a child support order in place.
Next so you had sex with a 14 or 15 year old boy to get pregnant, so how old does that make you.

Next "YOUR MAN" may have been there for three years, but your husband can adopt. So there needs to be those words.

In the end, the bio father will have to agree

[TamaraM191]

First do you have a custody order and a child support order in place.
Next so you had sex with a 14 or 15 year old boy to get pregnant, so how old does that make you.

Next "YOUR MAN" may have been there for three years, but your husband can adopt. so there needs to be those words.

in the end, the bio father will have to agree

I have been told that I don't need custody order in place since she has
Been in my care since day one and since his name is not on birthcertificate,
He is 2 yrs younger then me, I am 19, turn 20 in march, and he turns 18 in march.

Why would he have to agree if he HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER, or not even proof
Of him being bio dad, or not even on the birth certificate?

[TamaraM191]

What state are you in? Most states do require at least a year of marriage not just living together for three years. Why haven't you gone to court to get a support order? That is the only way that the bio father will owe support if you don't have an order he dosen't owe anything. He will have to sign to allow the adoption and you will need an attorney to draw up the papers so you may as well start looking for one now and they will let you know what your local laws are for adoptions.

I am in Edmonton, AB, Canada.

Yeah I thought so. I don't plan on him doing anything until we are married if we do.
Just some thought in the air. Also, I don't want child support from him, as it would be
Drug money under the table, I have allowed him to take her over night once
When she was 3 months, she came back, not fed all bottles, looking high, and
Not properly buckled... other times he has seen her in my supervision, he has done illegal
Acts that I don't approve of, and left, and just ignored him since, he would harass me all the time, I told him "take me to court" and said "no" so he really does not care.

[cdad]

I have been told that i dont need custody order in place since she has
been in my care since day one and since his name is not on birthcertificate,
He is 2 yrs younger then me, i am 19, turn 20 in march, and he turns 18 in march.

Why would he have to agree if he HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER, or not even proof
of him being bio dad, or not even on the birth certificate?

Because he IS the father of the child regardless of the games you have been playing. He can establish paternity and get partial custody also at this point. That's why its best for you to do it now. You should also have a child support order in place.

[TamaraM191]

Lol, I know for a fact he will not do anything about it, as, he is a dealer, has no education, parties all the time, has warrents out for his arrests, I don't no where he lives anymore, nor his number or anything, he is young, I won't get child support for a long time, And I am not playing games...

And even if he was to do anything, all he would get is Visitation rights that are supervised since he is young and I filed he is unfit.

But should I go for full or sole custody?

[cdad]

Lol, I know for a fact he will not do anything about it, as, he is a dealer, has no education, parties all the time, has warrents out for his arrests, i dont no where he lives anymore, nor his number or anything, he is young, i wont get child support for a long time, And i am not playing games....

and even if he was to do anything, all he would get is Visitation rights that are supervised since he is young and i filed he is unfit.

But should i go for full or sole custody?

No one can look into a crystal ball and predict the future. We can only guess at it. As you say he is young but that doesn't mean he couldn't turn his life around either. That's the biggest problem with children having children.

As far as going for sole custody, that you can do depending on the province you live in. There are varying types of custody. Some are split into two categories.. physical and legal. In some courts its not split. So depending on where you live there will be choices to be made. Having sole physical custody means the child remains with you and there is no visitation from the NCP ( non custodial parent ). Having full legal custody means you have the right to make the decisions for the child. Niether of these will relinquish his rights to the child should he choose to excersize them. You would still need his permission for an adoption. Also regardless of how the income comes in place you should still ask for a support order. Then you will ave a bargining chip for later if he doesn't pay and you wish to seek adoption for your child.

[stinawords]

The reason that you have to have his permission for the adoption is because he is the father. Now, of course you can hire the attorney (which you will need anyway) and they can tell you how long it will take to get him into court to first prove he is the father then prove it is in the best interest of the child for the judge to terminate the bio fathers rights and approve the adoption. But the fact remains that your husband can not adopt with out a lawyer, the bio parent's approval (unless the judge can be swayed to finalize the adoption with out the approval which is rare but it has happened), and the moving of rights from one party to another. Unless of course you want to also loose your rights and just have your husband adopt by himself then the child will no longer be yours legally. That is another option (probably not one you will like but that's the way the law works. Like someone said there are many problems with babies having babies this is one of them.

[TamaraM191]

The reason that you have to have his permission for the adoption is because he is the father. Now, of course you can hire the attorney (which you will need anyway) and they can tell you how long it will take to get him into court to first prove he is the father then prove it is in the best interest of the child for the judge to terminate the bio fathers rights and approve the adoption. But the fact remains that your husband can not adopt with out a lawyer, the bio parent's approval (unless the judge can be swayed to finalize the adoption with out the approval which is rare but it has happened), and the moving of rights from one party to another. Unless of course you want to also loose your rights and just have your husband adopt by himself then the child will no longer be yours legally. That is another option (probably not one you will like but that's the way the law works. Like someone said there are many problems with babies having babies this is one of them.

All right, well I will not be having my man adopt her then, I am waititng till the bio father takes me to court, because I know he won't, and as of now since nothing is happening legally, I have the choices, decisions, and rights because nothing is done. He has no rights to her, I talked to a laywer yesterday and because he's not on the birth certificate he has no rights where I am. So its all good. He messed up good. And I am glad, because he is not a good PERSON, I don't even know what I was thinking. And no I want rights to my daughter thanky ou.

[cdad]

Alright, well i will not be having my man adopt her then, i am waititng till the bio father takes me to court, because i know he wont, and as of now since nothing is happening legally, i have the choices, decisions, and rights because nothing is done. He has no rights to her, i talked to a laywer yesterday and because hes not on the birth certificate he has no rights where i am. So its all good. He messed up good. And i am glad, because he is not a good PERSON, i dont even know what i was thinking. And no i want rights to my daughter thanky ou.

The lawyer you spoke to is wrong if he said he has no rights. He does in fact have rights. At this point he is choosing not to excersize them but the door remains open. Also unless your " man " is married to you then having him adopt would mean you give up your rights too.

You really should go to court and get things settled. In not doing so your not acting in the best interest of your child.

[ScottGem]

I don't know exactly what the attorney told you, but what you have told us about what he said is not accurate.

Currently the bio father does not have rights because he is unidentified as the father. But that can change at any time. All the bio father has to do is go to court to exercise those rights. There may be a time limit by when he has to do this, ask your lawyer about that.

But if you try to have your new man adopt, its almost a certainty the court will require you get his permission.

[TamaraM191]

The lawyer you spoke to is wrong if he said he has no rights. He does in fact have rights. At this point he is choosing not to excersize them but the door remains open. Also unless your " man " is married to you then having him adopt would mean you give up your rights too.

You really should go to court and get things settled. In not doing so your not acting in the best interest of your child.

Actually, ME not doing so is a good thing because Her bio father would brain wash her, and he wants nothing to do with her, so why do anything I was just asking if I had to be married or not, not all this ing details of I know already, I am not taking him to court when he don't care, when he cares he can take me to court. Because My daughter loves her daddy and the bio father has never showed any interest even when there were chances, he rather take his girlfriend over his child.

[ScottGem]

I agree that you are doing the best thing by doing nothing. Leave it up to the bio father to take action. The longer he doesn't take action the better chance that he may forfeit his rights.

The only negative in not taking action is you deprive your daughter of child support. But the way I read it, it would be hard to get support from him anyway.

At some point, however, you will have to explain to her why she doesn't have her daddy's last name. How you handle that will be important, but you have plenty of time to prepare for it.

[TamaraM191]

I agree that you are doing the best thing by doing nothing. Leave it up to the bio father to take action. The longer he doesn't take action the better chance that he may forfeit his rights.

The only negative in not taking action is you deprive your daughter of child support. But the way I read it, it would be hard to get support from him anyway.

At some point, however, you will have to explain to her why she doesn't have her daddy's last name. How you handle that will be important, but you have plenty of time to prepare for it.

Yeah. I will be going for child support when its available. Right now
I know he has no education, he is 17, he does not have a legal job.
He was giving me a little money when she was 1 month to 3 months, till
I found out it was drug money. Yes I understand that I will have to explain
That she doesn't have her bio dads last name, but that will be easy. But when she
Is able to understand. But my boyfriend and I own our own house, and they are well
Brought up and financially stable. My boyfriend and I together make amazing money for our age.

[cdad]

Yeah. I will be going for child support when its available. Right now
I know he has no education, he is 17, he does not have a legal job.
He was giving me a little money when she was 1 month to 3 months, till
i found out it was drug money. Yes i understand that i will have to explain
that she doesnt have her bio dads last name, but that will be easy. But when she
is able to understand. But my bf and i own our own house, and they are well
brought up and financially stable. My bf and i together make amazing money for our age.

Child support order is available now. You need to get into court and settle this asap. Also playing house isn't the same as being married. The title for this had Step Dad in it and you keep referring to him as daddy. Both of which are untrue. Not at least until your married. So the time to start is now and make things right.

[TamaraM191]

Child support order is available now. You need to get into court and settle this asap. Also playing house isnt the same as being married. The title for this had Step Dad in it and you keep reffering to him as daddy. Both of which are untrue. Not atleast until your married. So the time to start is now and make things right.

Don't be telling me what to do here. Chad has been involved in
Her life since the MINUTE she was born because the bio dad
At the time said "i dont want her or nothing to do with her"
So when I moved in with him, it took 4 months to give bio
Dad a chance, he still didn't want to be there, so chad stepped
In because he is there weather were together or not.
She loves him. He loves her. He has supported her from day one
He is her guardian since we have been living together for 3 yrs.
So as far as this goes I say what happens until the bio dad starts
To care for her.

[ScottGem]

Don't be telling me what to do here.

First, please can the attitude! You posted here and asked for help. No one is telling you what to do. They are giving you advice based on what you have posted.

While I agree in principle with califdad's last post, I'm not sure I would advise it in your case. I think you feel you and your boyfriend can support your daughter on your own. If you do file for support at any time you will have to establish the bio father as the legal father. If your ultimate goal is having your boyfriend adopt then that's not the best idea.

But I would definitely start planning the wedding. Owning a house together (assuming you are on the deed) can be a recipe for disaster if you two break up (yes, I know you feel that won't happen). But you want to establish a stable relastionship to prepare for adoption.

[TamaraM191]

First, please can the attitude! You posted here and asked for help. No one is telling you what to do. They are giving you advice based on what you have posted.

While I agree in principle with califdad's last post, I'm not sure I would advise it in your case. I think you feel you and your boyfriend can support your daughter on your own. If you do file for support at any time you will have to establish the bio father as the legal father. If your ultimate goal is having your boyfriend adopt then that's not the best idea.

But I would definitely start planning the wedding. Owning a house together (assuming you are on the deed) can be a recipe for disaster if you two break up (yes, I know you feel that won't happen). But you want to establish a stable relastionship to prepare for adoption.

Sorry about the "attitude" but I just felt that he was telling me what to do.
Yes we can easily support her on our own, have been doing it for the last 3 yrs
And me and my boyfriend also have a 9 month old daughter together as well.

"start planning a wedding?" I most definitely do not have the money for a wedding
At 19. I am getting my career on the go before I even think about marriage. But
Yes it had been talked about and we agreed in or around 5 yrs would be a good time
For it. I am not on the house. His name, and my parents are on the house. (they
Co signed for him). So if we broke up, it would be between my parents and him,
They have an amazing relationship. I would not keep the house. Chad would. Or he
Would sell it one of the two. But yes you are right to establish a stable relationship
For adoption no worries there. It was just a question so I know what to prepare for.
But I sort of had an idea about being married is first step. Were not rushing into marriage
Or adoption as its in the air.