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I wish · Sep 17, 2009, 02:19 PM

If you're SO committed to having your children hang out, then have someone else drive your children to see her children.

I know you feel like you're over this rejection. But if you were really over it, her flirty nature would not give you that false hope. The problem with false hope is that you're not going to be able to move on with your life. You're just going to hold out for her. Have you been meeting new people? Is your mind open to new possibilities?

Can you really tell us that your feelings for her are completely gone? If they are, then you wouldn't be asking for help and trying to figure out how to work out a friendship. Friendships are formed naturally, they're not forced.

Justwantfair · Sep 17, 2009, 02:20 PM

Once again, you are right we all agree WALK AWAY!

You are using your child's friendship as an excuse. There isn't any validation for the four of you hanging out. You need to stop that, you take the boys or she does once in a while. There isn't a need for the four person hang out.

mikey49 · Sep 17, 2009, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Once again, you are right we all agree WALK AWAY!!

You are using your childs friendship as an excuse. There isn't any validation for the four of you hanging out. You need to stop that, you take the boys or she does once in a while. There isn't a need for the four person hang out.

Thank you, that's what I was looking for! Over the rejection, yes, over the feelings, no..

NOW there is no more need for a four person hang out... but since I'm wanting them to remain friends you guys are insinuating that it's only because I want to keep her in my life... that's not the case

Justwantfair · Sep 17, 2009, 02:40 PM

I think you have misread some posts.

Your children can be friends without you and her being friends. I hope that you understand that. It's not in your benefit to be involved in her life.

mikey49 · Sep 17, 2009, 02:45 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I think you have misread some posts.

Your children can be friends without you and her being friends. I hope that you understand that. It's not in your benefit to be involved in her life.

THANK YOU! How do I explain this to her?

Can you elaborate on "it's not in my benefit" just so I know I'm making the right decision... another person posted that her flirty ways shouldn't give me false hope... that sure is easy to say

mikey49 · Sep 17, 2009, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I think you have misread some posts.

Your children can be friends without you and her being friends. I hope that you understand that. It's not in your benefit to be involved in her life.

I can't misread a post that reads you ARE using my child as an excuse... I really appreciate your feedback, but please don't go there. He is with me every other weekend, and always asks if Robert (her son) can come over..

And I do understand that they can be friends with out us being friends, I just want to handle it the right way... Is that Alba? I could use some of that right about now

Cat1864 · Sep 17, 2009, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I agree that you don't have to be friends with her even though your children are friends. However, you might want to make sure that your feelings don't invade the boys' relationship or your relationship with her son.

Oh, good. I thought I lost my mind there for a moment.

winding200 · Sep 17, 2009, 03:39 PM

You Cleary know what kind of person she is. You said she is shallow. Why do you want to be a friend of the shallow person and get hurt?? Please move on, and spend your time and energy for someone nice & special. There are so many nice women out there and are waiting for nice gentlemen at this moment. Cheers :)

talaniman · Sep 17, 2009, 05:09 PM

You sure expected a lot from a 5 month friendship.

mikey49 · Sep 17, 2009, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You sure expected a lot from a 5 month friendship.

Oh really? How so, Mr. Expert? Many many mixed signals, flirting, hangin out A LOT... feelings grew and I was shocked at the response I got... You must be perfect and never get confused when it comes to women... great advice, not

friend4u178 · Sep 17, 2009, 05:42 PM

This seems to be going round in circles and it's all about the speculation whether this girl is shallow/a whore etc. but does it really matter.

Bottom line is the 2 of you were friends nothing more nothing less as far as your original post states. Then you put it on her that you have stronger feelings for her and she obviously doesn't have those same feelings.

Whatever excuse she gave just live with it and appreciate the fact she didn't string you along and then break your heart further down the track.

This obviously hurts yourself esteem a little so your defense mechanism finds something wrong with her reasoning and why she doesn't feel the same.

As for the boys being friends what's the problem , I know plenty of Adults who have kids who play together and aren't in a Relationship but just friends , don't let the emotional cr*p that's going on in your head at the moment come between their friendship that's just not fair.

Ok sorry, rant over.

mikey49 · Sep 17, 2009, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

This seems to be going round in circles and it's all about the speculation whether this girl is shallow/a whore etc. but does it really matter.

Bottom line is the 2 of you were friends nothing more nothing less as far as your OP states. Then you put it on her that you have feelings that are more than that and she obviously doesn't have those same feelings. Whatever excuse she gave just live with it and appreciate the fact she didn't string you along and then break your heart further down the track.

This obviously hurts your self esteem a little so your defense mechanism finds something wrong with the reason she doesn't feel the same for you as you do for her.

As for the boys being friends whats the problem , I know plenty of Adults who have kids who play together and aren't in a Relationship but just friends , don't let the emotional cr*p thats going on in your head at the moment come between their friendship thats just not fair.

Ok sorry, rant over.

You're absolutely right! I'm just trying to let it marinate... thank you

mikey49 · Sep 21, 2009, 09:04 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

For starters she did not dump him she explained why she didnt want to be in a relationship with him.Secondly he s saying he needs to let it sink in.
Finally you just called a fellow poster a whore.Which in my book is NOT on and in my opinion shows which level of maturity you are coming from.

Thank you, you said it perfectly!

We both agreed it would be best NOT to hang out for now, but that we could take turns entertaining the boys..

When you are confused and ask a question, and hear two or 3 different opinions, it makes it even more confusing.. Nobody is protesting SIMPLE 11 (you're a real winner BTW) just trying to decide if I should give up on a good friendship, because we enjoyed eachothers company... So, next time if you want to give advice, then give advice! Don't be calling me a whore you POS!!

amicon · Sep 21, 2009, 09:04 AM

Good to know you ve moved on.:-)

amicon · Sep 21, 2009, 09:20 AM

Best just leave it at that-too little too late?

mikey49 · Sep 21, 2009, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by amicon

Best just leave it at that-too little too late?

Most definitely!!

Justwantfair · Sep 21, 2009, 09:24 AM

I don't know how long she has been out of her relationship.
She may have just thought of your friendship as just friendship, you may have caught her off guard.
The one thing I kept thinking this weekend is, when we are hurt and still upset about a relationship, we jump to the complete opposite of what we had because that blew up in our face.
She married for love, possibly was a completely devoted partner and was completely burned... possibly left in financial ruins. Maybe most of their arguing was about money. Maybe she married a mooch. After five months, your friendship hasn't given you any insight into her former relationship?
I think you need to relax, this shouldn't have been a blow to your ego. She apparently has a full plate and it's time to make some peace with the situation. The only person you hurt with all of this animosity is yourself and your son.
Take the space, deal with this how you need to, but for the time being just breathe. :)

amicon · Sep 21, 2009, 09:25 AM

Take care!:-)

mikey49 · Sep 21, 2009, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I don't know how long she has been out of her relationship.
She may have just thought of your friendship as just friendship, you may have caught her off guard.
The one thing I kept thinking this weekend is, when we are hurt and still upset about a relationship, we jump to the complete opposite of what we had because that blew up in our face.
She married for love, possibly was a completely devoted partner and was completely burned... possibly left in financial ruins. Maybe most of their arguing was about money. Maybe she married a mooch. After five months, your friendship hasn't given you any insight into her former relationship?
I think you need to relax, this shouldn't have been a blow to your ego. She apparently has a full plate and it's time to make some peace with the situation. The only person you hurt with all of this animosity is yourself and your son.
Take the space, deal with this how you need to, but for the time being just breathe. :)

She knew I was interested from the start.. I asked her out, and she said yes. She never made it clear from the start, (until I asked about a month later) that she wasn't interested in dating.. The whole ex thing came up this weekend, after she probably realized what she had said did seem shallow and hurt my feelings... She's been single for 8 months, now... Yes, she was in financial ruins... We were both actually laid off from our jobs - we both made 6 figures, now we're nowhere close to that... not yet anyway! REgardless, it's a partnership and you work TOGETHER... In this economy, unfortunately, not all women get to stay home!

She was physically abused in her marriage and escaped... She dated someone who she wanted to marry after that, but I guess he broke her heart. All those things I get and completely understand, it's just the way she delivered the "I dont ever want to have to worry about money" to start our conversation about me openiong up about my feelings. AND NOW after the fact, she was engaging the thought of moving forward with more?. I'm glad it turned out the way it did... PHHHEEWW, it never would've lasted...

The kicker!! I'm a Scorpio and she is a Gemini

Thanks again!

mikey49 · Sep 21, 2009, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by justwantfair

i don't know how long she has been out of her relationship.
She may have just thought of your friendship as just friendship, you may have caught her off guard.
The one thing i kept thinking this weekend is, when we are hurt and still upset about a relationship, we jump to the complete opposite of what we had because that blew up in our face.
She married for love, possibly was a completely devoted partner and was completely burned... Possibly left in financial ruins. Maybe most of their arguing was about money. Maybe she married a mooch. After five months, your friendship hasn't given you any insight into her former relationship?
I think you need to relax, this shouldn't have been a blow to your ego. She apparently has a full plate and it's time to make some peace with the situation. The only person you hurt with all of this animosity is yourself and your son.
Take the space, deal with this how you need to, but for the time being just breathe. :)

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