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packer04 · Nov 7, 2008, 08:43 PM

Well guys as in my other posts, I was with a guy for 4 months, he had said I was everything he wanted in a woman but just didn't have the feelings for me. But I was confused by that and he said I was too nice to him and offering to do things for him was being too pushy. Well I have always been a nice person and a giving friend, so this confused me. He is a nice guy and I assumed nice guys were looking for nice gals-are they not. Well he slowly stopped calling, coming over and taking me out as he said he needs to find the one. I feel dumped and used only during a lonely time for him and now I seem to think nice guys are just looking for the opposite. Well he has called 2-3 times to tell me his Dad is sick(met his folks several times and they like me) and see how I am. I want to be friends but I feel I like him too much and I feel he is not the nice I thought he was, plus he seems to say one thing and want another. I don't want to dump him as I am a friend that means what they say, but I would like more and I know that's not possible. So would any of you out there remain friends with this guy or cut ties totally. My friends say he is good friend to have and may have male frinds. My older friends from church say don't call him, if he was meant to be he will be back. (I am 49, he 50 and I thought that guys that were nice were through with games)

Buddy19902003 · Nov 7, 2008, 09:08 PM

This man is simply not in love with you. There is always a chance that in time he will come around and realize that you meant more to him than he thought; but I do not think it is very likely. I do believe you should keep this man as a friend. Perhaps, you will learn more about yourself from this situation and figure out what you are really looking for in a man. There is a good chance that he has a fire burning for someone from his past that he has not gotten over. If it hurts you too much to be around him then maybe you shouldn't. However, if it gives you great joy to be near him then show him how much you care without being pushy and maybe he will realize that you are the one for him. Seems he may not be ready to settle down. There may come a time when you have to let him go, not only for his sake but for yours. Relationships and friendships are fragile like a butterfly in the palm of your hand, and you got to let it go sometime.

packer04 · Nov 7, 2008, 09:48 PM

One thing I didn't mention, was that when he calls, he doesn't talk to me like he use to. He is short and we don't seem to be friends like we were. I know he is dating, but he doesn't seem like he even wants to talk or he texts me. It just doen't feel the same as when we were together. I feel like I have done something wrong or made him mad. I would like to talk more, but he calls when can't talk as much. I am very friendly and happy on the phone and don't want to come across as anything other than a nice good friend.

Buddy19902003 · Nov 7, 2008, 10:03 PM

Unfortunately it sounds like he is trying to push you away. I would just ask him where you stand in the matter and how he feels about you. Find out if you did anything wrong. If he wants to be a friend tell him that is o.k. if that is what you want. What you are afraid to hear could be what you already in your heart know, and that is that he either does not have feelings for you or he is not ready to settle down. Hope you find the man for you.

Buddy19902003 · Nov 7, 2008, 10:11 PM

Nice guys often look for bad girls and good gilrs are often attracted to bad boys. If you are truly in love with this man then maybe you aren't looking at him and seeing him for what he is. I have been there myself. I thought someone was a perfect angel. Later I realized that I could not be more wrong. This does not mean they are not worthy of friendship or love though. I know it is hard.

packer04 · Nov 7, 2008, 10:42 PM

I don't know why he is pushing me away when he is the one whom wanted to remain friends. He told me before that I am everything he wants in a woman, but after 4 months he said the feeling isn't there.(and he is wanting to settle down) And I do believe he was still in love with the woman that ended a relationship with him. It just saddens me we seem so alike and he didn't know he wasn't into me until 4 months. Most of my friends say that doesn't sound right. He was a truly nice guy, not a bad boy and I truly felt for him. I will always be his friend and he knows that. I hope there is someone out there for me someday.

packer04 · Nov 7, 2008, 11:51 PM

Again he is not a bad boy, just the opposite. A kind,decent,doesn't drink,smoke,old fashioned great values and is a all around nice guy. The first nice guy I have meant!!

talaniman · Nov 8, 2008, 07:30 AM

Your solution is a simple one. Back off this friend some, and be busy and unavailable except when it suits you.

By limiting this association, you can be free to do as you please, without putting yourself at his beck, and call.

He may be nice, but ain't that nice you need to put so much into pleasing him, especially when he keeps you at a distance.

Don't get carried away, because at our age, its easy to be fooled by assuming someone is more than they really are.

Back away, and see reality for what it is, not what they want you to think.

packer04 · Nov 8, 2008, 08:17 PM

I have backed off and he has called me, but he seems distant and we don't talk as friends like we did. I really thought we were it and he made it seem like that and I assumed wrong. But he is a nice guy and why is he turning into a different person. It upsets me that he came across as being like me and needing a good friend and let me believe that I could count on him. So its like he dumped me as a friend as soon as a new ladyfriend came along and that hurts and I remember him saying he would never hurt me. It just seems I am myself, a nice gal, and no one seems to want me. Got everything a nice guy wants and he doesn't want me. Nice guys wonder why they finish last- I use to, but not now as I feel stupid for thinking he would even want me(even though he said he did-he didn't) Boy nice guys say one thing and really want another!!

talaniman · Nov 9, 2008, 06:18 AM

Maybe he wanted you to think he is a nice guy, but its obvious he isn't. Now you know so leave real nice guys out of it.

Time usually brings out a persons true character.