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mikey49 · Sep 16, 2009, 09:21 AM

I've been friends with this girl I really like for nearly 5 months. I finally told her last night how I feel about her (wanting more than friendship) and it didn't go so well. She claims, I'm great, attractive, a good dad, fun, good morals, and a great friend, but at this time she respects me too much and doesn't want to hurt me. She basically said she married for love before and she'll never do it again. I'm not a rich guy, and she basically said she never wants to have to worry about money.. VERY SHALLOW! Her son and my son are friends, so I'm kind of torn what to do, but I would really like to just MOVE ON.. should I grow a pair, or suck it up and stay in the friend zone.

I appreciate your feedback

Romefalls19 · Sep 16, 2009, 09:46 AM

Grow a pair and move on. I've heard of reverse situations, marrying for money not love but she's a GOLD DIGGER. Be happy you DIDN'T marry her man

kctiger · Sep 16, 2009, 09:50 AM

What benefits do you have by remaining her friend? You said you would like to MOVE ON, so do it. At least you know what kind of person she is and what kind of person she is looking for.

mikey49 · Sep 16, 2009, 09:52 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

What benefits do you have by remaining her friend? You said you would like to MOVE ON, so do it. At least you know why kind of person she is and what kind of person she is looking for.

Stewie roids!! LOVE IT! I mentioned that her son and my son are friends, so I guess I can slowly phase it out... I guess you can never have too many friends, I just wasn't expecting such a shallow response. Chicks man

artlady · Sep 16, 2009, 10:20 AM

Originally Posted by mikey49

Stewie roids!!! LOVE IT!! I mentioned that her son and my son are friends, so I guess I can slowly phase it out... I guess you can never have too many friends, I just wasn't expecting such a shallow response. chicks man

Excuse me ,chick here! :rolleyes:
We are not all shallow,I can assure you,you just happened on one of those bitter divorcée's that is going to try to make the entire male population suffer for her bad marriage.
Don't give up on the entire sex,there are still many nice women out there who believe in love over money.

Justwantfair · Sep 16, 2009, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by mikey49

Stewie roids!!! LOVE IT!! I mentioned that her son and my son are friends, so I guess I can slowly phase it out... I guess you can never have too many friends, I just wasn't expecting such a shallow response. chicks man

Why would you assume that your children can no longer be friends?

You can be civil with your children's friends parents, but there is not a requirement that you become friends.

If the children enjoy each other, then keep your relationship distant and civil and allow for the children to spend time together, either at your house or hers.

Unless I am misunderstanding the ages of the children involved.

mikey49 · Sep 16, 2009, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Why would you assume that your children can no longer be friends?

You can be civil with your children's friends parents, but there is not a requirement that you become friends.

If the children enjoy each other, then keep your relationship distant and civil and allow for the children to spend time together, either at your house or hers.

Unless I am misunderstanding the ages of the children involved.

They are 10 and 11 with the same birthday.. That would require communication, which at this point I really don't care to do so... at least not now. Maybe I'm bitter of the rejection, but at the same time I don't want her to see this.

Imabadman · Sep 16, 2009, 10:50 AM

Wow... she's a real keeper. NOT.

Move on. Don't waste your time on someone so shallow. Christ... I'd be embarrassed to say the things she said.

But yes your kids can be friends you just don't give her the time of day.

mikey49 · Sep 16, 2009, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by Imabadman

Wow... she's a real keeper. NOT.

Move on. Don't waste your time on someone so shallow. Christ... I'd be embarassed to say the things she said.

But yes your kids can be friends you just don't give her the time of day.

Thank you!! And I thought maybe I was just being a bi--h from the rejection.. I went over to her place to talk about it, and it was pretty much the first thing out of her mouth. "I told you what I was looking for right?" "I don't ever have to worry about money." If we weren't in the middle of making dinner I would've bounced right then and there... I simply told her it's better now if we just change the subject before I said things I would regret... I will never bring it up again. I was appalled... glad I know now

talaniman · Sep 16, 2009, 10:57 AM

Because the kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be, so put enough distance between her, and you, so you can move on.

You can't consider friendship until your over the wanting more thing, if then.

I wish · Sep 16, 2009, 12:04 PM

Staying friends with her right now will give you false hope and make it more difficult to move on with your life.

It doesn't mean you never have to talk to her again, but until your feelings for her are gone, it's not the time to be friends. If she was really that great of a friend, she would understand that you need to put some distance to recover from this rejection before you move forward as friends.

Cat1864 · Sep 16, 2009, 01:48 PM

Since there are a lot of factors that could go into her current outlook on marriage (such as what happened in the previous marriage and the divorce), I won't pass judgment on her as a person.

Be glad that she didn't lead you on. She could very easily have played games and kept you on a leash until some rich guy came along then dumped you.

I agree that you don't have to be friends with her even though your children are friends. However, you might want to make sure that your feelings don't invade the boys' relationship or your relationship with her son.

mikey49 · Sep 16, 2009, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Since there are a lot of factors that could go into her current outlook on marriage (such as what happened in the previous marriage and the divorce), I won't pass judgment on her as a person.

Be glad that she didn't lead you on. She could very easily have played games and kept you on a leash until some rich guy came along then dumped you.

I agree that you don't have to be friends with her even though your children are friends. However, you might want to make sure that your feelings don't invade the boys' relationship or your relationship with her son.

Good point; however, I never asked her to marry me... All the qualities she claims I possess, she threw back and said "who said I was looking for those qualities?" LOL!

I agree with the original post, whoever it was! Quote. "Christ I'd be embarrassed to say the things she said." "and her jerkiness and ineptitude in a relationship... I should be thanking her!!

Thanks a lot guys!

artlady · Sep 16, 2009, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Because the kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be, so put enough distance between her, and you, so you can move on.

You can't consider friendship until your over the wanting more thing, if then.

artlady agrees: I love the way you men give these terse answers and the ladies explain it in a different way :) Same answer ,different approach,its so funny to me !
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Jake2008 · Sep 16, 2009, 07:29 PM

You had a really good friendship with her, and the boys with each other, a win-win.

That she didn't do to you, what you are thinking of doing to her, is lucky- for you.

What is wrong with her being honest. What is wrong with her wanting you to carry on being friends. What is wrong with getting a straight answer, accepting it, and just enjoying the friendship.

She said she married once for love, and won't again. She wants a secure future, a decent income, and a better life. What's wrong with that. You may not agree with her, but that doesn't make her a gold digger or a b***h. She has told you what she wants, and while you may disagree, that's the truth.

I think you are turning your back on a good friendship, and if you can afford to lose that, more power to you. I hope that you can be flexible and mature enough to be cordial and polite in order for the boys to be friends.

friend4u178 · Sep 16, 2009, 11:27 PM

Like the others have said at least she was honest with you... OR knowing you haven't got much money she may have used that as her vehicle to let you down.

Just another slant on it and could be way off the mark but I've known people to use similar tactics.

asking · Sep 17, 2009, 12:15 AM

I agree with friend4u178. The $ thing may have been an easy excuse to make it clear she is certain and does not want to be persuaded. She is not interested in romance with you. That does not make her a bad person. I suspect there are other reasons she is not interested. I also suspect she saw this coming and had prepared an answer. It's humiliating to be turned down, but try to suck it up and be civil for the sake of your son.

artlady · Sep 17, 2009, 12:47 AM

She's hurt and lost,that what divorce does.

simple11 · Sep 17, 2009, 04:04 AM

Hi,I agree with them,but you got to understand her as well,she's single with a son she probably just want to give her son a good life as well but at the same time it isn't all about money.I don't think she has feelings for you because if she does money would just come last thinking she's with the man she loves and a man that loves her will go through the battle together .might be hard to move on but that is the only thing you can do,there is a lot of woman out there.

Imabadman · Sep 17, 2009, 06:32 AM

Wow... she's upfront and honest. A real stand up lady. A woman for young girls to look up to.

My God people… listen to yourselves. Get real!!

She's an uncouth gold digging beyotch!

She's essentially a whore. Yes, a whore. Sex for money. She'll get into a relationship providing sex for a stable income and environment. Take either away and she'll bail out. That's not love. That's not a partnership. IT'S A BUSINESS TRANSACTION.

Wake up and smell the hooker.