[Oz_Elder]

I am 49 years old.
I was sexually abused as a child (a very small child).
My uncle and brother sexually abused me.

Every single male I have ever met and grown to know as a friend has put the hard word on me, eventually.
Last weekend I was propositioned by a 19 year old!

I compliment people a lot.
I like to find nice things about people and let them know about it... e.g.. You have very nice eyes, you have a lovely head of hair, you are a very good conversationist, etc. I have always done this as I like to get compliments too... especially when they are true. I do this with both sexes.
It is something that not many people do. Some say that this is "flirting" to me it is just stating the honest truth about a nice thing a person has.

I am a monogamous heterosexual, but lately I have been attracting gay ladies too!?

My latest (male) partner rings me constantly asking to come over, he offers me all sorts of favours in the hope of getting between my legs. He is a great lover, but I am starting to feel like the only reason he wants to be with me is for the sex.

I have been propositioned by married men, bosses, and people I barely know...
I am no great beauty.
Funnily enough, I have a good friend who is a nymphomaniac, and she can't seem to get anyone between the sheets..

Is it just me, or is this the case with most women?
Are we all just objects that need to be pleased... in the hope of getting between the sheets?

[redhed35]

There are many issues that could be address in your post,but I would like to address maybe one or two.

Have you considered that you keep picking the same type of man to be friend?

The same qualities,or 'type' of man.

Do you date? and how long before you decide to have sex with them.

Giving compliments is a good thing,people like to hear good things about themselves,however have you thought,that maybe a personnal thing to you to make people like you?

Are you a people pleaser?

[Oz_Elder]

Hi redhed35 and thanks for your reply :-)

I make friends with whoever I meet. Male, female, all types shapes, colours and sizes, no difference to me.

I tent to get into relationships with people of a like-mind. Peaceful people who are fairly intelligent, honest, open, thoughtful, animal lovers, highly ethical types appeal to me most. So if this sort of person can be type-caste, then that is the type of person who attracts my attention - more than others.
Attractive looking is a bonus... ;-)

I do not date anymore as I am in a relationship.
When I am not in a relationship I find something turns up pretty quick. i.e. I meet someone whilst out somewhere and we finish up in a relationship either with or without dating.
I don't tend to beat around the bush or play games (if I am single), if I am physically attracted to someone I admit it, and we have sex. The time frame of meeting to getting between the sheets depends on how close I feel to the person... could be hours... could be days... could be never... depends on their persistence and my sense of security/closeness/attraction to them.

I don't like to make waves unless I am insulted or mentally challenged in some way... I like to give compliments cause I like to help others to feel good about themselves by appreciating their better qualities. So I guess this is a people pleaser?
Some people do not like me at all... because they do not agree with my points of view... water off a ducks back.
Though yea, I prefer it if people to like me, don't we all?

[Oz_Elder]

I guess my real question is... if a guy likes me... does he just like me so he can jump my bones?

[redhed35]

i guess my real question is... if a guy likes me... does he just like me so he can jump my bones?

My answer to that as a 37 year old woman is no. I don't believe every man that likes you wants to jump you.

Some men are only after one thing,they meet a confident woman who pays them a little attention and think 'woohoo I'm in'... but not all men.

I know men from work,family,friends,I meet men all the time,mostly 90% of the time there is no sexual undertone,some mild flirting now and then,but the bounderies are clear,if they misunderstand those bounderies,I put them right.

Review your body langauge,be aware of how you interact around men who make passes,be mindfull of the vibe you are giving,a sight change in your tone of voice or body language may be enough.


There will be other posters who will give you another perspective and point of view, plus suggestions.

[Oz_Elder]

I think I am getting bitter and twisted...
I am already VERY careful of my body language, my "vibe", and yes even probably my tone of voice. In fact it is now a very rare thing for me to be to look a man in the eye...
Even someone I think of as my son!
And yes I make my boundaries clear... but they seem stupidly oblivious (and disrespectfully ignorant of my clear words and gestures) no matter how clear I am.
I have been stalked, pestered, groped and others have openly admitted to "holding grudges" against me because I knocked them back.
I am starting to realise that other humans' lives revolve solely about how much sex they can get and everything they do leads to getting their next lay... nothing else matters...
No wonder I keeping to myself to myself more and more.
I am sick and tired of being used and abused for what is between my legs.

[Oz_Elder]

How do you edit here? *blush!

[redhed35]

Your grand... you getting to the crux of it... I think I would be a little angry and frustrated if I were you.

There was a time in my life when those things,or at least it seemed it was always happening.

I can't pin point when it started to change... im still beautiful,time has been kind to me,I guess for me I started to focus on other things,the men who would always try their luck with me,now only nod if I pass them,but they are still chasing women,married and single alike.

I have reached a road block on your post,have you any idea why this keeps happening?

Have you asked friends or other people,have they observed the same thing?

[Oz_Elder]

I would like some honest feedback from any guys out there...
If someone complimented you on your nice car, or that they liked your t-shirt, would you take that as a "come on"?
Perhaps I need to stop pointing out to people that they have good taste or nice aspects to their personalities or that something about their looks is pleasing to the eye :-(
I know that if things don't change soon I will become a total hermit!

[redhed35]

No,I would not take it as a come on,but I would be pleased.

You say your in a relationship,how does your partner feel about this?

Does this happen when you are both out together? As a couple?

Other posters will come,male and female alike,I'm afraid you can't help who answers your post,sometimes posts are not answered at all.

[Oz_Elder]

Lol, that's just it redhed, my female friends all complain they don't get enough... (specially the single ones - ESPECIALLY the Nympho!), and males in my life are not interested in any form of deep conversation, they just want to jump me!
Has the whole world gone sex mad? And, specifically, sex mad for ME?
You have no idea how shocked I was when my nympho (hetrosexual) girl friend put the hard word on me!
And how sick I felt last week when a boy younger than my daughter... YUCKO!
Or is my frustration and annoyance at being treated as a sex object given me a new perspective on the way that all humans behave?
Or perhaps I am exuding some form of pheromone at the moment... something to do with menopause?
*curls up in little ball and hides under the covers... ;-)

[redhed35]

You know,sometimes we are what we are.. your 49 years old,you sound confident,and sure of yourself,next time someone in your circle behaves in a sexual way,or you feel there is a sexual undertone,pull them up on it,just say listen buddy,I'm not interested,get lost...

Word will soon get around...

Take it as you are a beautiful,sexy woman at 49,some women would give their back teeth to have to same problem..

Don't get me wrong,I'm not making little of your problem,I'm just saying,use your confidence use your strength,and have zero tolerance for cr*p!

[Oz_Elder]

My partner thinks it is ace when someone blatantly flirts with me...
Even though I feel a bit uncomfortable and usually ask to leave,
He knows I will be heading home on his arm.
He is not a big guy and he is very placid, so there has not ever been any form of aggressive "alpha male" stuff when he is around.
He is doting and attentive and knows that he may get lucky if he keeps smiling and treating me right ;-)
He is considerate and respectful too. When I have asked him for space, he has given it.
Yea he is a pretty cool guy.
He is away at the moment, seems like the neighbourhood sexual predators started sniffing around the second he left!
;-)

[redhed35]

Sounds like you have a nice man there.
Do have have hobbies or other interests that you enjoy without getting unwanted attention?

[Oz_Elder]

I will use that... clear, to the point and there is no comeback.
I don't know about being beautiful, confident and strong... but I must still be sexy! ;-)
Ty, redhed
You are very wise for your age
:-)

[redhed35]

What I said I meant,that's what came across in your posts,I wish you luck.

Keep an eye on your post,other people will post suggestion too.

[Oz_Elder]

Yes, lots
:-)
I am happy to spend a time on my own, I keep very busy, work long hours and squeeze too many hobbies in to do them all justice.
I would rather not go into too much more detail here.
It is a nice place, I am sure I will be back whenever time permits
Thanks for taking the time to reply...
It is greatly appreciated.
Have a great weekend!

[artlady]

Certainly some people will read more into a compliment and consider it flirty.That is just wishful thinking.

I am rather free with compliments as well and have found that certain people do take it the wrong way.Seeing it as a come on of sorts.

I don't think that people praise each other enough and I know you can make someone's day by the simplest of compliments.
It is a positive thing to do and you should not have to amend your pleasantries because of others misreading you.

I would say continue on as you are.
You are not the one with the problem,unless you are crossing some social boundary.

Ask a good friend if you are crossing that invisible line that we erect in social circles.
Be sure to preface your question by complimenting them on what you know will be an honest answer :)

[excon]

my latest (male) partner rings me constantly asking to come over, he offers me all sorts of favours in the hope of getting between my legs. He is a great lover, but i am starting to feel like the only reason he wants to be with me is for the sex.

he is doting and attentive and knows that he may get lucky if he keeps smiling and treating me right ;-)

Hello Oz:

I've been reading... And, I'm a bit confused... The kinds of things you're saying, such as "he may get lucky", and that he offers favors to get into your pants... Those are things ladies say BEFORE they give it up... Once they give it up, it's no longer a game of whether - it's a game of when...

At least that's the way it's been with EVERY single relationship I've ever had... I only point this out to suggest that you have an UN-NATURAL view of hetrosexual relationships... It may very well stem from your childhood abuse... But, I suggest the problem lies between your ears, and not between your legs.

excon

[MsMewiththat]

I think that red head has given you great advice. I have the same problem at times. I am constantly being hit on, constantly being approached and everywhere I go I am stared at. I used to "campaign" my way through life so to speak. Very friendly and outgoing. While there is while there is nothing wrong with that. It has proven to be very dangerous for me. From being followed home, to be chased across parking lots, to the constant attempts at the grocery store, people showing up on my doorstep and every other imposition you can imagine.
I'm sexy and very comfortable in my skin... very free spirit. Friends over step boundaries as well as strangers. What I have learned to balance is my open spirit and the sexiness, you have to accept that you can't help how people feel when they look at you, but when you notice that they are staring or starting to move in. Back them away slowly. It's a body language as redhead has stated. It's slight but direct. It doesn't mean that you have to totally change who you are or dim your light so to speak. Just being aware of how people feel will help you reel it in.

As gross as it is my sons friends as they have approached puberty and struggled there way through it, have mentioned your mom is sexy, hey sexy, if I was older I'd make you my girlfriend, been caught staring etc. It's inappropraite and disgusting but they have helped me over the years to be more aware of what I am putting out there. Maybe treating the world as if it is full of pubescent boys isn't the answer but it's possible you need to give them a little less you.

Dealing with some of the past abuse? Have you ever dealt with it in a medical setting?