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harriejansen · Aug 26, 2009, 09:49 AM

Today off to a bbq with family. Life is going on but I can't stop thinking about her still. I figured another reason of getting stuck in a negative way is the economic crisis, specially here in Spain it is very very bad. If I'd been selling like crazy, I'd be more positive and maybe would not see this situation so heavy, and even could call her up cheerfully without the drama or a twisted stomag...

amicon · Aug 26, 2009, 10:00 AM

This so called recession s a worry for sure.have you ever made a pros and cons list? Re your ex I mean? That helped me a lot.Especially since I found about ten pros and thirty cons! Write a daily journal.focus on what was not working etc etc.:-)

harriejansen · Aug 26, 2009, 10:07 AM

Mmmm pros and cons is difficult, we were in the honeymoon stage? I think the cons for her maybe that I am away 2 weeks a month, that I have 3 kids and maybe she wants kids... those kind of issues, not real relationship issues while together we always had a great time.

amicon · Aug 26, 2009, 10:33 AM

OK kids-did you ever actually talk about what she wanted in that respect?and sorry for asking did you break up a total of three times during this honeymoon period?it's a bit volatile don't you think?one thing Ive learnt is that a good relationship needs to be grounded.I respect you for being a great caring dad but it does seem you two didn't discuss serious issues like her wanting children etc?:-)

harriejansen · Aug 26, 2009, 04:27 PM

Nope not at all. Once she told me she would not have kids, that at least she wouldn't contribute to the overpopulation of the planet... I almost took it as an insult, having 3... but in her final rant to me all of a sudden she said: you don't even know if I want kids, maybe I can't even have kids... so there is something there. The problem I have through all this is that I would like to know what happened and what the issues are, I actually don't have a clue other than that she felt that "we argue too much" which in my experience is not exactly true.

harriejansen · Aug 28, 2009, 03:56 PM

Guys, I think this is progress... 3 days not posting! I must say I feel a lot better all of a sudden and am starting to see things differently, and relaxing more. Finally! One week to go before going back to worktown. No contact is actually easy now, hopefully when I am back also... she lives 300 metres from me there...

harriejansen · Aug 31, 2009, 02:00 PM

Another 3 days without posting. I am getting a lot better, although I am still planning to meet her next week.

One thing is for sure, if you want to get yourself back together the most important things for me to do are:

1. do not go out drinking too much! Keeps the depression going

2. start working out. Has an incredible effect on the chemistry in your body and makes you feel a lot better

3. try to stay off the computer and stop googling, facebooking etc. your ex. I still have to improve on that one...

Anyway, getting myself together, the anxiety is gone and most of the depression as well. Will keep you posted.

harriejansen · Sep 3, 2009, 07:38 AM

OK guys, 6 weeks have gone by since last email contact, and 3 months since having seen her the last time. I am much much much more relaxed.

However, I am still convinced that we might have a chance. So I need to reestablish comunication somehow. Next week I'll be in the same city as where she lives in (I live there 2 weeks a month) the last 2 months I have not gone there, mostly because of holidays and also to help my healing process.

I have been working out a lot, lost 3-4 kilos, am in atletic shape, very suntanned, do not drink as much anymore (that was one of our problems, our relationship was based on going out too much) etc. etc.

My question for those who know my story... what would be the best way to contact?

Please do not give me the "stay NC" line as I seriously feel this is not a relationship that has run it's full course yet, but a relationship that has fallen victim of very bad comunication and stupid fights, due to not in the least excess consumption of beers and mojitos while going out...

I wish · Sep 3, 2009, 07:57 AM

We won't stop you if you want to pursue her again. If she feels the same way about you, then great! You can tell us about it and we'll be happy for you. But consider the following:

1) Are you prepared for rejection? She might not feel the same way as you. With all this time apart, she might have realized that this is over. There's a reason that she hasn't tried to contact you to try to reconcile. It's been quite some time apart and there's as good chance that she has moved on with her life.

2) Are you prepared to reset all the progres you have made? Talking to her will make you over-analyze all the little details and signs. It might put you into emotional turmoil because when she responds, you will be looking for clues of false hope.

You're going against all the advice that we've given you. So once you start contacting her again and it doesn't work out, then we'll have to start all over the process. Are you prepared for all that?

amicon · Sep 3, 2009, 08:03 AM

Hi again glad you re feeling better.as contact is what you want to go for call her and ask her if she wants to meet up.two options she says yes and you take it from there-or she says no and then you ll know she s probably moved on-and then you re going to have to deal with the rejection.

harriejansen · Sep 3, 2009, 08:08 AM

As things stand now, there is not much to loose. I think I can handle the rejection if there will be.

Just call her up doesn't feel good enough. She is mad at me for giving her the feeling I don't take her feelings into account. She is French, and very proud and stubborn. She also is very pretty, but I know for a fact lonely, like me in a big city in a foreign country at our age it doesn't get easier.

I have to slip in subtly and have a good reason to propose her to meet up... Next Monday is my birthday, then on Tuesday I'll drive up there.

I could also bump into her (she lives very nearby me, like 300 metres) I'd prefer not to email or SMS, calling is an option but then what do I say?

I wish · Sep 3, 2009, 08:19 AM

Just ask when she's free and meet up. Then express your feelings in person and see how she reacts.

amicon · Sep 3, 2009, 08:23 AM

Yes and you need to call her for that-as you said no texts or emails.and no bumping into either.

talaniman · Sep 3, 2009, 11:56 AM

If you can handle rejection, then indeed you have nothing to lose.

amicon · Sep 3, 2009, 12:36 PM

My point exactly.

harriejansen · Sep 4, 2009, 10:42 AM

I have not called her yet... call me chicken... Monday is my birthday and Tuesday I go up there. Would you guys wait to call to be in town or call now anyway?

amicon · Sep 4, 2009, 10:46 AM

Call when you get there.have a great birthday and good luck.:-)

harriejansen · Sep 7, 2009, 02:20 AM

Today is my birthday! 46! Makes you realize that life is too short to not have fun. Tomorrow going to "worktown" still planning to contact! We'll see!

amicon · Sep 7, 2009, 02:50 AM

Enjoy your day-keep us posted.:-)

harriejansen · Sep 8, 2009, 10:41 AM

Hi friends, first update of trying to renew contact. This morning I talked with my morocco contact about business, and mailed her an update about that. No answer. This afternoon I called her, she did not answer. So... so far no progress! What's next..