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BlackDiamond090 · Aug 9, 2009, 05:09 PM

I'm 21 and me and my boyfriend from 4 years now started having problems and he started dating someone else. I was so heart broken and lost myself... I thought if I partied and got drunk every night it wpould make it go away but it didn't. Well we were still having sexy and on December 30 I found out I was pregnant. When I told him he was excited... then left me for her. My whole prgnancy he was in and out of my life saying it might not be his. Hell is what I went through. Now I'm 9 months and we're trying to make it work but he don't want to get to close becausehis past relationship his girl tried to pen her baby on him. He did everything for the baby and came to it, it wasn't his. So he told me he's preparing his self for the unexspected. I don't know what to do... I'm lonely and I need him for support. He's the only person I want to be around and when he don't respond to me... I think he's out with someone else. I'm scared I'll have to go through another heartbreak... what should I do?

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 9, 2009, 05:14 PM

You have your side--very valid. He has his and I can see where he's coming from. You broke up, but were still intimate and got pregnant. Although you don't sound like someone that would do that, but it's happened in his past. He's could be fearful that you are trying to trap him into being with you again. And that's understandable. You are nine-months pregnant, the worst is about to be over. You will have your baby, and they'll do a DNA test to make sure he is the father. What you have to prepare yourself for is being a single mother. You need to worry about your child, not him right now. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. You sound like a strong woman. Just power through right now. Do you want him in the delivery room whether the baby is his or not? Have you asked him yet?

mary79 · Aug 9, 2009, 05:26 PM

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

You have your side--very valid. He has his and I can see where he's coming from. You broke up, but were still intimate and got pregnant. Although you don't sound like someone that would do that, but it's happened in his past. He's could be fearful that you are trying to trap him into being with you again. And that's understandable. You are nine-months pregnant, the worst is about to be over. You will have your baby, and they'll do a DNA test to make sure he is the father. What you have to prepare yourself for is being a single mother. You need to worry about your child, not him right now. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. You sound like a strong woman. Just power through right now. Do you want him in the delivery room whether the baby is his or not? Have you asked him yet?

I totally agree with this answer. I would like to add that I understand what it's like to feel lonely and hurt during a pregnacy. I feel that we are vulnerable emotionally at this time. We need to look at ourselves as someone who is worth loving and any man would be blessed to have a good woman in his life. (myself included) We get let down and hurt and we forget to use our mind more than our emotions. Your baby will need you to be strong and nurture him/her. I feel that maybe he may just change his mind once he sees this IS his child. Let him take his time. As long as he is there to help with the child he is not obligated to be with you. Sad but true. I do however hope you two ened up together and hope the best

ChihuahuaMomma · Aug 9, 2009, 05:30 PM

Yes, I really do wish you the best.

Ever heard the saying: Women become mothers when they become pregnant, and men become fathers when they meet their child? Give him time, and understanding.

BlackDiamond090 · Aug 10, 2009, 06:12 AM

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Yes, I really do wish you the best.

Ever heard the saying: Women become mothers when they become pregnant, and men become fathers when they meet their child? Give him time, and understanding.

The only thing that upsets me about the situation is that... I allowed him to come back each and every time and he hurt me. I'm so in love with him it makes no sense. One mintue it's his child and the next it's not. I wasn't sleeping around so I know he's the father and he told me he feel he is also. We're in a relationship now and it doesn't feel like it. We barely talk and see each other... I just want him to be aware of my feelings to. I understand the pain he went through but everyone isn't the same. This is my first and I'm not so excited like I should be... more depressed. It's like my feelings doesn't matter to him at all. He told me he would come to my doctors appointment and never came. I have been doing everything by myself without him. What makes it so interresting... everything he's not doing for me, he's done for her. He was there for everything except in the delivery room and I'm having boy just like her. It drives me crazy so I told him told him we should just end this relationship and wait until you find out because this so called relationship is stressing me out. He doesn't want that... he wants me to himself. And to answer your question... he does wants to be in the delivery room and everything. It's hard to deal with all this drama back to back in one year... I'm losing it seriously.

I wish · Aug 10, 2009, 01:33 PM

If he can't fully commit to being there as a father for your child and as a boyfriend to you, then you're better off without him.

You might feel like you need a man by your side to help you raise the baby. But you can do it yourself. However, if you feel that you need some support, then you should find a man who's willing to stand by your side and be there for you. It doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be the child's father.

Bottom line, if he's not fully committed, then leave him out of your life, because it will only cause you pain. An unhealthy relationship with your boyfriend is not in the best interest of your child.

mac29 · Nov 23, 2010, 09:56 PM

I agree with the last answer. It's easier said than done, that's for sure. You want him but you know he's in and out. Well, as much as it hurts (I know from similar - extremely similar experience), you're little one is number one. :D

You'll be fine... keep in contact and update us!

lee1028 · Feb 10, 2011, 10:05 PM

I just found out my son of 9 months is really not my son and truth be told I want to kill myself .his mom told me he was mine for sure and I just found out through a dna test that he is not mine . I have no clue what to do as of right now .I want him more than anything in this world but I know I will never have fathers rights .so in the end of it all I will hurt much much more .I just want his father to treat him *** I did .he is to good of a boy .I miss him a lot and love him more than I love myself what do I do now