[talaniman]

Our actions have consequences, and no matter what you want, its up to him to forgive, even if he doesn't forget. That's the problem, people just don't forget getting cheated on that easily, or the anger they feel from it. That's crazy, so give him space, so he can deal with his feelings, and I'm sure without your begging and pleading (which hardly ever works) he will decide if your worth a second chance, or not.

Some say you have to fight for love, but in this situation, all the fighting in the world won't change his mind, if that's not what he wants.

We won't even get into the trust issue, if he does take you back, since it hasn't happened.

[inertia]

This is a frustrating thread. When I say fight for a relationship, I am not implying that she throw caution to the wind and deploy emergency countermeasures.

"No, she's not "at his mercy" at all. She needs to take back her power just as he appears to be doing."

Haven't we talked about this. Power is an illusion. She effin cheated. Show some damn humility. This isn't a "take your life back" thread. This is a penance thread.

Wondergirl, I wouldn't say be Miss Suzy Sunshine. However, I do agree that she should be positive and understanding without pushing her own agenda in anyway.

If this guy does decide to take advantage of her temporary submission, then he's a piece of crap and she should have no problem walking away knowing that it truly wasn't meant to be.

In the meantime, I don't think people should be telling her to go No Contact. She effin cheated people. The ball is in his court. What he does with it is his decision and then she lives with it.

[regreting]

Thank you everyone for responding
I actually posted this thread on four forums because it was 4am for me and I had no one to talk to. I was only looking for a reply or so, but this forum rocks. It's the only forum that actually gave advices. Thanks =) they were all very helpful.

At the moment, I think I'm going to stick with Inertia's "Be patient not persistent. Be gracious, loving and kind. Don't push. Just love. Give him whatever space he needs."... because I really, really love him and love does not always need to be rational. I think he's worth it. I understand that I should be more positive, and if he really can't accept me, I should accept his decision... but even when that happens, I think I will still wait... unless of course he starts a relationship with someone else. Meanwhile... I really need the strength to focus on this decision...

[Gemini54]

Just a point of view from someone that has been cheated on.

My Ex cheated on me about two and a half years into our relationship. It was a one night stand and he caught an STD that he passed on to me. That's how I found out that he'd cheated because I tested positive for an STD.

I was both flabbergasted and devastated, but when I told him about the STD, he admitted it up front.

The reasons I stayed were: he was honest about what happened; the infidelity was totally out of character for him, he had never cheated with previous partners; the one night stand was unplanned and clearly a moment of drunken madness; I knew that he loved me.

We ended up staying together for a further 12 years and he is still a wonderful friend.

The point to my story is that I believe people can forgive, regain trust and move on.

My advice? Hang in there. Stop with the pleading and crying and admit that you've been a fool. Let him know that this is not your usual MO (at least I hope it isn't!).

Take his anger and distrust on the chin and ask him out for a coffee.