[a_lo290]

Ok, this is going to be a tough question. Let me start by saying I come from a hispanic culture, Dominican to be exact. I am very handsome, with green eyes, and I am always complimented for having good looks. They have gotten me an "easy-pass" when it comes to women, well girls. I'm 19 years old and I have had many girlfriends but it was the most recent one that changed me around, or so everyone insists. I was reading a story about a guy who misses his girl so much it hurt and I felt I could somewhat relate. I am also unsure about what it is that I feel for my ex girlfriend. I care for her a lot and I've done some things that have made her not want to be with me. I was her first love, also her first intimate partner, and I'm pretty sure the only one also. I have a problem that arises when I feel neglected by her. I have had a lot of girl friends that like me and as I grew older and stopped being the cute-but-slow kid, I have done things with them and they somehow seem to stick around for me to call and get in "contact" with. I am not known for having multiple sex buddies because it is always kept as we say "on the low". They do not know about each other but they are various. Anyway, when I feel neglected by this special girl, tend to get in contact with these 'friends' and whichever one is available sooner I hang out with and possibly take it much further. I do it because I am angry at the fact that she doesn't to get back with me anymore. She says I have to 'have my fun' because I am not ready to settle down. I keep saying and promising that I am ready but she says that maybe in 3 to 4 years, I'll be ready. I hate this because I know my problem with not being able to stay as faithful as I should be when we broke up a couple of times, but I still act like if I'm in love with her, always chasing after her after she repeatedly finds ways to avoid hanging out with me. She now has a boyfriend and I don't know how I feel about it. I don't think I'm as hurt as I thought I would be, even though it gets me really angry that he is about 4 years older than her.
When we first started dating, she was what I thought to be the nicest girl I had ever met. So innocent with long black hair, it was just amazing. But she has changed and has become cold towards me, I'm assuming because of the damage I've caused. I chased after her and made myself look like a fool various times by saying things that I may be exaggerating about, about how much I love her. She is not the same anymore, and I rejected so many girls because I didn't want to hurt her feelings anymore until I snapped and started getting in contact with these long-lost "friends" I have kept around. It wasn't until a recent tragedy occurred that I decided to say "F her." I feel alone sometimes because she is moving on but I try to move on too and I just can't get over her. What would be the smart thing to do in this situation? I know following my heart has only led me to tears and broken dreams. I still call her from time to time and try to manipulate her into believing she needs to get back with me because what we has was so real and so special, but I think I am just wasting my time. And it would really hurt to see her innocence be completely taken by someone else, especially a 23 year old guy whose been around the block and might be playing with her emotions. PLEASE HELP ME!

[Jake2008]

When I read your post, I thought, what would have happened if you had met this girl five years from now, and you had been with enough women to realize the special qualities she had, that were different from all the rest.

Ahh the beauty of hindsight!

It does seem that she has moved on, and you are also moving on in your own way. What she left you with was a taste of how life could be for you, with a special someone. So that is something positive that you know, and you will find out that you may not look at women the same way again.

All she could do was make a decision based on what she felt, and experienced with you, and she didn't see a future. Needs are difficult to pinpoint sometimes, but I suspect that what she needed in a serious relationship, wasn't what was available at the time with you.

You cannot turn back the clock and live those days over again. You may not realize it now, but what you are going through will make you more sensitive to the needs of the next love of your life. No regrets, you have a long life ahead of you.

I would say that you need to let her go and live her life, and you need to do the same thing.

Should your paths cross again in the future, both of you will be that much more experienced in life to perhaps make it work for all the right reasons.

Good luck.

[a_lo290]

Yes, you make a lot of sense. I feel a lot better now that I let it out and finally admitted everything. Also, what you said was very helpful. Maybe something will happen in the future if it really is meant to be, but for now I know I am doing the right thing, and especially for my well being. I put her first in every decision I used to make and I guess I need to start thinking about what is going to make me happy before it will make someone else happy. She didn't show me the same care that I showed her. I was blinded by love, but I feel optimistic about what is to come now. I spoke with her and told her I would no longer chase her around, and that it doesn't mean I'm not going to be here should a situation arise, because she was there for me when I needed to talk to someone about things I was going through. She kept it on a strictly friend basis and I will do the same, but I also said she knows where to find me should she need a friend, and only a friend. I am starting to live my life for myself now. Thanks.

[Jake2008]

This is really good to hear.

Once you really start thinking about it all, it does start to fall into place. I'm happy and pleased for you that you aren't stuck in that cycle of self doubt.

Keep busy, you're going to be just fine. :)