[aiyerrc]

hey guys,

so, ill sum up the backstory with a few lines here:

we dated for 8 months, we go to college together, I'm 21, she's 18(19 now). We got along great as good friends, same sense of humor, 2 attractive people, loved each others friends, the usual.

why we didn't work:

--she was immature

--i have minor trust issues(not trying to downplay the effect they can have on a partner, just saying they didn't consume me or anything. These issues came from witnessing my mom cheating on my dad when I was 12, then me hiding it from my dad for 5 years until they finally divorced, not even because of that)

--we were suffocating each other, spent almost every day and every night together

when we broke up, it was more or less mutual, I kind of egged it on, she brought it up, I agreed, and we were done. I went NC, she called me 2 days later asking how I was, and then agreed to try and talk to each other every couple days, an agreement neither of us actually honored. I knew I needed time to not think about her, and apparently, she needed the same.

if you have time and want a full backstory, this is my thread from a few months ago. This was basically the nail in the coffin as she didn't want attachments or boy drama for the summer

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-356908.html

the following days I got texts from her mom and her closest friends saying how immature she was being and just give her time to realize what she lost. None of them really knew that I wanted the long break or break up as much as she did.


so we didn't talk for nearly 2 months. Then last Saturday she calls me around midnight completely randomly, not drunk or anything, just to see how I was doing. I truly never expected her to call me. Anyway, it felt weird to talk to her at first, but eventually the conversation went just as most of our long conversations went. We talked for about and hour. She asked questions such as SO HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU HOOKED UP WITH? And, SO I HEARD YOU WENT ON A DATE? I haven't hooked up with anyone since we ended things and I've been on a couple dates that she found out about through mutual friends. She sounded pretty jealous while talking about these things, which kind of puzzled me. My phone was about to die so I told her id call her in the next couple days. We talked Monday for another hour or so about random stuff. It went pretty well. Then I told her id call her next week.

to be honest, I'm not really sure which direction to go from here. I'm not sure what I want from her. We are both home for the summer. She lives in Connecticut and I live in Alabama. I do miss her a lot as a person and as one of my good friends. I miss the sexual side of things as most guys do(she has an amazing body and is very beautiful) part of me wants her back, part of me doesn't want to deal with the relationship part of it,

so my question is where do I go from here? I don't really need time to heal or anything because I think this was the right move at least for the summer. Should I call her as I said I would? I'm not sure how I would pursue a second chance with her if that what I in fact ended up wanting, but if I decided to go the route, how would I go about it?

thanks as always

[Fr_Chuck]

You do what you think is best, there is no right answer. Normally the going back never works, but then you may be that 2 percent that does work
* figure made up to show small chance of working

[aiyerrc]

Appreciate the time chuck, but I'm looking for a direction to head from here. I know it'll come down to what I think is best, but I'm looking to you for good and bads against pursuing anything with her or just not talking to her at all. I think my feelings for her are still stronger than I want to believe because they way I think about it is I would rather have a second chance with her while she is still somewhat interested in me, than let her have enough time to move on from me. Does that make sneeze?

[Torrid13]

I would say let it go. You wanted it to end, and you said you miss the sexual side, but don't want to deal with the relationship side.

It's natural to want to go back to what you two had, because it's comfortable. Sometimes we tend to make ourselves believe we care a whole lot about someone and want to be with them romantically again, but in actuality we just miss the familiarity.

If you are really sure you want to be with this girl again, then call her like you said you would and mention that you've been thinking about ya'lls relationship and would like to try it again. If she's receptive, go for it. But don't expect the relationship to do a 360 and she's suddenly magically mature and you magically don't have trust issues anymore.

Also, you might want to take note of how she asked you "SO HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU HOOKED UP WITH?!" It seems to me she's either the jealous type (oh right, immature) and probably doesn't trust you as much as maybe you thought.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

It didn't work before, probably won't again, but if its friends with benefits you want, and that's it, tell her that. She will either go along, or bite your head off.

Come on guy, you have already stated the sex was great, the relationship you want no part of, so besides sex, what are you trying to get back??

If you don't know what you want, why pursue that path?

[Elousia]

She called you.

You didn't call her.


You had moved on. She hasn't. Until she moves on, I would say its best to stay apart and not give updates on each others lives.

You aren't doing her a favor or yourself if you become physical again or even try and maintain a friendship. Keep living your life apart.

You guys are young and have a full life ahead of you. Meet new people finish school, enjoy life apart.

IMO.

All the best, but remember she called you because of her reasons, not yours. You have to remember your reasons and stick to them.

[aiyerrc]

Well, I'm not sure I have moved on just yet. I think about her a good bit throughout each day.

I miss her a lot as a person as I said. I wouldn't mind giving us a second chance I'm just trying to get yalls help with a way to approach that.

[talaniman]

Unless you can resolve the issues that broke you up, together, forget it.