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Chey5782 · Jul 15, 2009, 07:36 AM

Originally Posted by who22

I can forgive. I just don't know where we go from here.....Keep this "agreement"? Dissolve it? The ex contact has already caused so many problems, it would seem silly to start being OK with it now.

You don't have to be OK with a particular issue to respect your s/o. It's never good to put any boundaries on a person, you are there to uplift and love and grow together, not hinder.
That's not a silly thing to question, it's a perfectly logical line of reasoning. My 2 cents would be that if it didn't work before, stop with the limits and have some faith in each other. It's not much of a second chance if you don't start over like you'd have wanted in the first place.

who22 · Jul 15, 2009, 10:36 AM

Toughest decision I've ever had to make. I think I am willing to give it a 2nd chance if I can honestly say to myself that if a betrayal of my trust like this happens again, then I will not allow a 3rd chance. Otherwise, this will never end.

Chey5782 · Jul 15, 2009, 10:59 AM

Smart way to look at it. Now you will never wonder if you did what you felt in your heart was right. I applaud you.

taoplr · Jul 15, 2009, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by who22

I can forgive. I just don't know where we go from here.....Keep this "agreement"? Dissolve it? The ex contact has already caused so many problems, it would seem silly to start being OK with it now.

and

Toughest decision I've ever had to make. I think I am willing to give it a 2nd chance if I can honestly say to myself that if a betrayal of my trust like this happens again, then I will not allow a 3rd chance. Otherwise, this will never end.

If her ex is causing problems, you have the right and the obligation—to both of you—to shut that down by at least keeping the agreement. That is different from controlling her. If dissolving the agreement, on the other hand, tells her that you trust her and inspires her to "manage" him and cut him off, then it's worth the risk.

Bottom line: You can't develop trust by controlling a relationship or a person. Trust comes when you take the risk of letting go, and the other finds that deeper within resides trustworthiness. Sometimes, you have to help it along.