[rosis66]

I have been dating my girlfriend for over 5 years. We started dating in college, then did a long-distance relationship for a bit before I pursued a career opportunity in another city to be closer to her. Things have been great since I moved up here over the last two years. However, in the last month or so, things have been weird between us. She seemed very distant when we talked on the phone, and I was becoming concerned. However, when we were together in person everything was okay.

Recently, her grandmom passed away after a long sickness. It was expected and she seemed to be handling it well. I attended the funeral but she seemed to be taking no comfort in me being there and was very distant. Finally, a few days later I asked her what's going on. She said she's been feeling depressed lately about her life and that she is scared of all the changes we are both going through (she's buying a house, my job is very hectic and I may be going back to grad school). She asked for some time and for me to give her space. I asked her if this is the end, she said she doesn't know. She said she loves me and this is not about meeting other people or being single. I do not believe that there is anyone else in the picture, and I've done some things I'm not so proud of to verify that. She promised she would call me when she's ready to talk. After we hung up, her brother, who I am very close to, called me to tell me that he heard what happened. He said she called him and was crying and was very upset. He said he believes everything will work out and that she really loves me, and that she is just going through a rough time right now.

Should I be moving on? I have given everything I can to this relationship, and I know that this is not the time to be trying to win her back. This has happened before and I swept her off her feet and won her back, but this time I feel like it should be her turn to make the effort, not me. I have not called or talked to her in 5 days. I am really confused and need to her some advice. I don't feel like it's over, but I don't know if I can fix things anymore. What should I do?

[Romefalls19]

Give her the space she asks for, get busy finding new hobbies and expect the worst of her not coming back. It's harsh but it's reality. The quicker you start healing the better off you are

[paxe]

Right on! I wouldn't say it's 100% over, but you should prepare yourself for the worst.

[jmooney527]

It sounds like she genuinely needs time to work on herself. When she said "space" does she mean "we're still together" space or "breaking up" space?

Her being distant at a funeral shouldn't be an issue. A lot of times people tend to withdraw from a lot of things when tragedy strikes. You have so many things running through your mind and you in essence make yourself numb... at least I've done that before.

She could be needing this space so she can learn to not rely on you when something bad happens. She probably needs to make sure she can stand on her own two feet in life... which is a good thing.

I do not think you should try to win her back. It seems she has not voiced any concerns about you in particular, so you have nothing to really win back. The ball is in her court and she needs to make the decision. The only question is, how much time can you give her?

By the way, kudos for respecting her space and not contacting her... it's a very commendable thing.

[talaniman]

Respect her space because she needs it. Grief doesn't stop after a funeral. She will call you when she is ready. Do your own thing for a while, and let her grieve.

[Gemini54]

Give her some space and time. Perhaps you can send her a nice card, letting her know that you're thinking about her.

She is most likely dealing with the grief of losing her grandmother, but sometimes these events can make us question other things.

Put a time frame on it - say a month, and then call her and find out what's going on if you haven't heard from her.