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efrancescoli · Jun 11, 2009, 08:55 AM

Did not mean to make it sound like that... I just wonder if other women have felt the same she is you know... like if there is anyone out there that can relate to her situation... she has a song on her Facebook "show me what I am llooking for"... only quote she has which was recently added... by looking at the lyrics its probably about being confused and someone trying to find themselves I guess

efrancescoli · Jun 11, 2009, 08:58 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

I am a 36 year old woman. I still stand by all the advice given. We do act on emotions and sometimes over think things. But even if that were the case she is just confusing. She doesnt want you there and is telling you that. Do you want to be with her while she can't figure herself out? While she is maybe always going back and forth in her mind on what she wants? Give her the space and time she wants. Let her find herself. But dont waste your time while she is doing that. Its not fair to you.

Thank you... can you see where she is coming from?. is it common in women that age... and I finally reazied that I need to let her be and see how it plays out.

kctiger · Jun 11, 2009, 09:00 AM

You need to quit analyzing her actions and get busy with yourself. You also need to quit reading into junk posted on a meaningless social networking site. You are clearly not rational, as you read into every single little thing she does. Do you think that is healthy?

efrancescoli · Jun 11, 2009, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You need to quit analyzing her actions and get busy with yourself. You also need to quit reading into junk posted on a meaningless social networking site. You are clearly not rational, as you read into every single little thing she does. Do you think that is healthy?

I see what you are saying

efrancescoli · Jun 11, 2009, 09:30 AM

Thank you very much for all the feedback... the more feedback the better I feel... all I can do now is just give her space and we will see.. I will take care of myself as well

talaniman · Jun 12, 2009, 09:55 AM

Three words for you, No Contact Forever.

There will be other options, and opportunities, if you let this go, and move on.

The sooner you close this door, the sooner another can open.You might even get a new dog!

efrancescoli · Jun 15, 2009, 06:07 AM

Update,
Last week, after my ex expressed herself and told me that she was starting to get frustrated because I was constatnly talking to her to Facebook chat, I came home and reflected on some things. I did realize that I was not giving her space and was finding anything as an excuse to talk to her. I consulted with some close girlfriends and they told me to send her an email letting her know how I felt.
To sum it all up I wrote to her saying that I thought about things and that and see how she could be frustrated with me.. told her I would give her the space she needed and that I am here for her if she needs anything. Asked to let me know if she changes her mind and wants to give us another shot once she gets her life in place and has figured out the things she needs to take care of. However, I said that IF that is to happen to contact me and that We would go from there... told her good luck and we'll talk when we talk. To tell you the truth, I was not expecting to get an email back nor I was fishing for one.

4 days later, I received an email from her. She first apologized that it took her long to get back to me and explained to me that she was busy all weekend long. She said she read everything I said and really apprecaites it and that she will let me know if her feelings change, but that as of right now, they are the same. She hopes I am doing good and then told me that (on the same day when she wrote me the email) her and her family took the doggie out for a walk by the lakefront and that the pup loved it... THEN, she said "well, I am sure you will email me back so I will talk to you later"

Thoughts and comments please, greatly appreciated and I hope everyone had a great weekend.

efrancescoli · Jun 15, 2009, 06:12 AM

BY THE WAY... I had not talked to her since I wrote her the email.. no texts, no calls, no other emails. I had my roommate change my Facebook password and not tell me the new one so I don't log in and look at her profile and to avoid chatting... I will pretty much be sticking to NC... but the point of my email was to let her know that I was seeing things from a diff persective and I can understand why she would be annoyed w me.

kctiger · Jun 15, 2009, 06:14 AM

My thougts are that your girlfriends are incredibly WRONG in everything they tell you. I cannot comprehend why they thought an email "explaining" your thoughts was a good idea...

Leave her alone. ZERO contact, email, text, call, in person, ZERO! She wasn't busy either, your email was not a priority. I did the same dumb stuff. Bottom line, LEAVE HER ALONE! No more... no matter what your intentions, she really doesn't care, and every little bit of contact you have is going to annoy her, period.

And the next time you want advice, ask us, because the advice you received from your girlfriends was awful. No offense to them, as I am sure your best interests were at heart. When it comes to this kind of stuff, let your actions do the talking, as no explanations are needed.

efrancescoli · Jun 15, 2009, 06:26 AM

Well, She did not read the email until last night because I get notifications of when people read them.. and she replied right away. Look I do not expect anything right now, nor do I expect her to change her mind about things in a week and a half. She started summer school and spent time with her family with the dog. To me that is not the definition of sitting at home doing nothing. And I asked my girlfriends for advice because they know me very well and they know her as well to an extent. I accept reality and the fact that right now we cannot be together, but it is kind of unfair for people to say that SHE WAS NOT BUSY AT ALL... either way thanks for the feedback I guess.

efrancescoli · Jun 15, 2009, 06:29 AM

And when I do not care about someone at all I would not bother reading the email and it would go straight into the trash can.. and not even reply.. I am just saying

kctiger · Jun 15, 2009, 06:32 AM

Say all you want, it was poor advice given to you by your girlfriends. This isn't about knowing her and/or you, period. Explain to me what good you think contacting her AGAIN was to explain how sorry you are and the intentions you have now? I am just telling you the truth, and I understand if you can't handle it. I never said she didn't care about you, I said you are not a priority in her life. Want proof, all you have to do is see that she isn't with you anymore. Proof enough right?

It is just my opinion, but the email was not needed, but you sent it and that is your choice. The fact that you put a "read" receipt on the email is proof enough your intentions are a little deeper than you would like to think. Her actions speak for themselves... ignore the other stuff and focus on that.

jmw0713 · Jun 15, 2009, 07:02 AM

All that email did was reiterate the conversation and the thoughts that you and her had when she broke-up with you. You finally doing what you should have done to start with, by going to NC and NOT bothering her. Any contact you have with her right now is just re-enforcing her decision to leave you.

Times like this are the times we need for ourselves to grow, change, and learn about ourselves. You need to take all of that energy you're wasting pinning over her and direct it on yourself.

It's time for change and you are the only one who can do it.

talaniman · Jun 15, 2009, 07:07 AM

THEN, she said "well, I am sure you will email me back so I will talk to you later"

Translation, "You say you will honor my space, but haven't so far".

Time for coplete NC dude, no doubt about it.

You said what you will do, now stick to it!!

efrancescoli · Jun 15, 2009, 07:10 AM

No need to proof anything. I understand I am not a priority right now. She has other things going on in her life right now. The point of my email was to say hey, I gave this some thought and I see where you are coming from, sorry. I believe that sometimes people do, act, and say certain things upon emotions and after giving them thought, people sometimes figure that perhaps it wasn't the right course of action. And sure my interntions with the email were deeper than I thought but I got a reply when there was no need for her to say anything back. The fact remains the same, we are not together but my close friends who do not sugar coat things have said that it is good thing she wrote back and gave me an open invitation to talk to her, but definitely not get my hopes up and start thinking that right now she wants to work things out.

jmw0713 · Jun 15, 2009, 07:21 AM

The email just signified that you finally accepted her choice and came to an agreement to what the situation is--- a break-up. She has had a change in feelings for you. When that happens, there nothing you can do to influence her one way or the other.
The open invitation to talk is her trying to be civil and polite in this situation. Do not read too much into that.

Time to let go, chalk this up to experience, and "get busy livin or get busy dyin'!" (Hopefully, livin' :))

It's time to take control of your own life and see what others have to offer.

Romefalls19 · Jun 15, 2009, 07:25 AM

Let it go and get serious about NC

I have nothing else to add because there are 4 pages of good advice