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jenniepepsi · Jun 2, 2009, 04:22 PM

My husband and I have been married for 2 years. (will be 3 years in october)

The first year was wonderful. We dated for a year, then married. I had a 3 year old daughter who is now 5 almost 6. he is a wonderful dad. And I really do not want to break that up between them. I know if we divorce he has no legal rights to her. (not that I would not let her see him, they would still continue to be together, but if something were to happen to me, he wouldn't get her, like he would now since we are married) I hope all that made sense

Over the last year and a half, the love has gone away. Sure, we have moments of sparks, we play, wrestle, tickle, make love, and just all around joke off and have fun. But those times are very few and between, and I feel more like we are 'friends' than married you know?

We separated last year in November until march of this year (me and my daughter moved into my moms place)

Now we are back together again, and like last time, it was really good in the beginning but now it feels like, there is just nothing there.

I LOVE him. I really do. But I'm just so lost right now. I don't feel any passion. Even when we make love, we both orgasm, we both have a wonderful time. But there is no CONNECTION.

I hope everyone understand what I'm saying. I am already considering counseling. Is there anything else anyone can advise?

jenniepepsi · Jun 2, 2009, 04:23 PM

I shoudld also add, we have great communication skills, and we have talked about it. But neither one of us have any idea what to do.

I wish · Jun 2, 2009, 05:09 PM

Are you sure you're not creating a problem when there is none?

Marriage doesn't mean that you have 24/7 fun.

Maybe you guys are just comfortable with each other... but comfortable = boring to you.

It sounds normal to me.

jenniepepsi · Jun 2, 2009, 05:30 PM

Very good point. I suppose I am being a little sensitive about it. I can't help it. Some days go by where I just 'go through the motions' of being married. And he feels the same way sometimes. Its very frustrating sometimes.

I wish · Jun 2, 2009, 06:02 PM

But that's what married life is about. It's not going to be any different with another man.

Maybe married life isn't for either of you?

Gemini54 · Jun 2, 2009, 09:57 PM

I'm not sure what you mean when you say you have no 'connection'.

You laugh, joke, make love and, love each other (well, first you say that the love has gone away, then you say you love him... which is it?).

What is it exactly that's missing for you? What do you expect of marriage? What is it within you that's empty?

I think that the last question is a vital one for you to consider, as I suspect you're expecting your marriage to fill something within you that's empty or disconnected.

You're putting this expectation on to your marriage and your husband, and it will never be satisfied or fulfilled because you're looking outside yourself for sustenance, not inside yourself for answers to your void.

I think that you need to find the passion and connection with yourself before you can find it with another person. Counselling would be a good step to discovering why you're protecting your inner self from connecting with your husband and understanding what you need to do to fill the emptiness inside you.

talaniman · Jun 6, 2009, 01:39 PM

You have great communications,
Great sex

I too am confused by this "no connection " stuff. I have no clue what your talking about. Maybe you need a life outside of your marriage, like friends, and hobbies you enjoy. What are you expecting? Fireworks all the time. LOL, that's not realistic, or practical.

Maybe you expect him to make you happy? That's your job.

What the heck is going through the motions?

Are your expectations realistic? I know, more questions, than answers, but it sounds like you, more than the marriage.

N0help4u · Jun 7, 2009, 04:33 PM

Love isn't about all emotions. It is commitment through everything whether it is times of not feeling anything, problems, misunderstandings, etc...
Don't be looking for the old sparks it will drive you crazy. This isn't Hollywood and life and love aren't all they are cracked up to be.

Learn to appreciate the little things about him and take it from there.

TJ17 · Jun 7, 2009, 04:53 PM

Counselling is a good first step, if u feel that might help, it would also depend if he's willing to go to... to save the marriage.
And u both need to remember there's a child involved and a breakup of parents can devastate a child.

Try everything u can to make it work, and if it doesn't then at least u know u tried.

susangpyp · Jun 7, 2009, 05:21 PM

What are you looking for? Are you sure it exists?

Jake2008 · Jun 10, 2009, 01:33 PM

Unfortunately the honeymoon phase doesn't come in a pill to take with the orange juice in the morning. I wish there was such a pill.

Marriage is pretty much what you have described that you already have.

I don't understand what exactly either of you is missing. He sounds like a really good husband, and you sound like a really good wife. You have a healthy, solid life. You love him, he loves you. You share your love with your daughter, and you're both good parents.

I agree that from time to time things get a little stale.

I also agree that there are other ways to get what you need, without expecting one person to satisfy them all.

Get yourself into a dance class, or spend more time with your girlfriends. Play soccer, ride a bike, join a club.

Not one person can supply 100%, 100% of the time. Try to find some happiness outside of your expectations of him.

scott_1976 · Jun 10, 2009, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by jenniepepsi

My husband and i have been married for 2 years. (will be 3 years in october)

the first year was wonderfull. we dated for a year, then married. i had a 3 year old daughter who is now 5 almost 6. he is a wonderfull dad. and i really do not want to break that up between them. i know if we divorce he has no legal rights to her. (not that i would not let her see him, they would still continue to be together, but if something were to happen to me, he wouldnt get her, like he would now since we are married) i hope all that made sence

over the last year and a half, the love has gone away. sure, we have moments of sparks, we play, wrestle, tickle, make love, and just all around joke off and have fun. but those times are very few and inbetween, and i feel more like we are 'friends' than married you know?

we seperated last year in november untill march of this year (me and my daughter moved into my moms place)

now we are back together again, and like last time, it was really good in the beginning but now it feels like, there is just nothign there.

i LOVE him. i really do. but im just so lost right now. i dont feel any passion. even when we make love, we both orgasm, we both have a wonderfull time. but there is no CONNECTION.

i hope everyone understand what im saying. i am already considering councelling. is there anything else anyone can advise?

Passion takes work and effort to keep it going strong. Of course it was great in the beginning and when you got back together again after separation, that is the honeymoon phase the hard part is keeping the flame burning after that period. If you leave this relationship and start another the same thing will happen again and again. Any marriage counselor worth their salt will say it takes maintenance to keep passion alive. You need to discuss this with him and come up with a game plan to get the sparks back.

jenniepepsi · Jun 11, 2009, 03:25 PM

Thank you all so much for your input. Your all very right. I apologies for my silly question. I admit I was depressed when I asked it (I just had a miscarriage and I'm still going through the PPD) but I see through clear eyes that your all right. In fact last night my hsuband and I were up all night playing lol (not sex, but playing, wrestling, chasing each other, laughing, hiding, I'm surprised we didn't wake my daguther lol)

Thanks for all the support. I promise to talk to my husband from now on whenever I start feeling like that again and not just freak out and get upset and worried about it again :)

I wish · Jun 11, 2009, 03:38 PM

Good attitude! Communication is key!

I'm glad that hear about such great progress!

Jake2008 · Jun 11, 2009, 03:53 PM

Good for you! I love to hear things like that. A big smile on my face thinking of you and your husband playing! Lol

Mine is glued to the couch, any suggestions? :D

jenniepepsi · Jun 12, 2009, 01:18 PM

Go sit in his lap and tickle his most ticklish spot! (my husbands nape of the neck is the worst for him)

Or sit in his lap and act like your going to passonately kiss him and then blow a raspberry on his lips at the last second! :P

liz28 · Jun 14, 2009, 03:49 PM

Sorry to hear about your miscariage. I had a cousin go through this 4 times and seeing her pain and misery killed me. I hope you overcome it and I know you will.

Jake, mine fiancé is glue to the TV too--watching baseball. I swear I am ready to cut the cord but I hate to see the money we spent for it go down the drain.

hollylovesbrandon · Jun 14, 2009, 08:01 PM

Marriages will struggle when one spouse is not happy with themselves. My marriage is suffering from this right now. I hate my job. I have no time for fun. My husband and I work compeltely opposite schedules and never see each other. I feel that my life is in a rut. And, because I am not happy, I cannot be happy with another. I think you need to figure out what is going to help YOU and ONLY you before you can figure out how to help both of you.

cozyk · Jun 14, 2009, 09:45 PM

Originally Posted by TJ17

Counselling is a good first step, if u feel that might help, it would also depend if hes willing to go to....to save the marriage.
And u both need to remember theres a child involved and a breakup of parents can devastate a child.

try everything u can to make it work, and if it doesnt then at least u know u tried.

It sounds to me like the marriage is fine, it's the wife that needs to address why she is feeling this way. There is nothing that she has told us that sounds like a bad thing.
If he goes to counseling fine, if not, she should probably go anyway.

lovingyou11 · Jun 14, 2009, 09:58 PM

I have been there and at the end of the day it isn't solely about that spark. I always felt as if I was with the wrong person because I didn't feel all those good feelings that I did when we first met. I still sometimes wonder if I am with the right man. I too have a young daughter and my boyfriend is not her father but he was with me while she was born and she is now 18 months, and he loves her and she loves him and in the end that connection is much more important for me than to always feel the excitement and lust of a new love. Commitment is def. about accepting not settling but accepting the life you choose and the partner you choose to endure life with.

I hope things get better for you soon :)