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ldanny · May 17, 2009, 04:26 PM

I know that you are so right.. I really want to learn how to be more self-focused. But somewhere I stiill have the idea that we will be OK again... *sigh*

It has been bugging me that she lied to me about the trip. She logged on to my laptop and left the expedia confirmation page open. So that is how I found out about the trip. So I told, "that is so cool that you are going to Florida, have fun!" She first denied and tried to hide it. Then she was like, how do you know? So I told her. She was like "I'm not sure if I'm going. My friend booked it for me." but it was under her account, under her log in. She then said that I don't know the person that she is going with. Then she said "I don't want to talk about it." Later, she said that she is going with some people she met from work but she doesn't know them that well... and has no idea who else is going.

I am just kicking myself, because I feel like I helped her move for TWO weekends in a row so that she can make it on the trip. She was nice to me for those two weekends. I even went to her family's mother's bbq, she acted like we were still together in front of her family. So a few days later, I thought I would be nice to just drop by her new apartment because I had an appt near by. I came with cards (all funny cards) and flowers just to be nice... But she flipped out, started to cry, and told me that she needs space and don't call or text her anymore... I was really shocked and surprised. I guess, she was done with my help and was ready to go on her vacation...

Ahhhh... I need to learn how to be selfish and focus on myself...
I returned to the gym and started to learn the piano and guitar again. But it still makes me think of her... my goal is May 28, I have to be in the area.. that's when I'm going to drop off the rest of her stuff...

THANKS again!! I just have so much in my head and my heart is so empty... I really appreciate the support...

ldanny · May 17, 2009, 11:21 PM

She just txt me that she is back from her trip... I'm going to NC...

jmw0713 · May 18, 2009, 05:55 AM

Time to let her go and respect her request. All of this contact, cards, and flowers is just pushing her further away and re-enforcing her decision to break-up with you. You need to concentrate on your life and surround yourself with things and activities that bring you happiness.

talaniman · May 18, 2009, 11:36 AM

Don't respond to any of her texts.

ldanny · May 18, 2009, 12:42 PM

I don't plan on calling or txting her anymore.. it just hurts me too much... I know I need to focus on myself but it is just so hard to do.

LostSoul515 · May 18, 2009, 12:43 PM

I know how you feel! Though I didn't date my ex for 6 years, we did date for a year and a half. Everything seemed promising... great, in fact, except he just broke up with me on my birthday and on the same weekend as my graduation from law school. He says he needs space. He said that to me two weeks ago before we broke up. I thought I was giving it to him, but apparently not. It's hard, isn't it? And it sucks, doesn't it? All I can say is that we both need to learn from these experiences and practice what we've learned in the future.

Best of luck to you!

susangpyp · May 18, 2009, 12:51 PM

That is HORRIBLE timing! I'm SO SORRY you went through this!

One day you will be glad to be rid of such a jerk. Space this buddy!

kdomi002 · May 18, 2009, 12:53 PM

I am on the same boat. I still think about him a lot. We broke up about a week ago and we had some contact. The last thing said via text was that he had secured tickest for his graduation, because my family and I are attending it. So I texted him back saying, "ok, just let me know when to pick up the tix." He didn't respond after that. That was just 4 days ago. His graduation is tomorrow night and I still haven't heard from him. We had all taken time off work to go to his grad. My family loves him like a son and helped him get a loan for school. I especially helped him throughout this whole journey, I can honestly say that without me and my family he wouldn't have studied what he really loves, cause his own mom didn't support him. And the thought of her taking the pleasure of going to his graduation, sharing this special moment, after she didn't even help, and us not going, is truly sickening. All I have to say is that if he does not contact me by tomorrow morning or noon, I will assume he does not want us there and we will not go. I would not forgive him doing this to us, me. I have given him 4 years of my life. I was devoted and loving. And although he was loving too, It always felt a little one-sided. I am taking time to think about myself and loving me, and although I love him more than anything right now, I have to suck it up. I guess if he disappoints me with the graduation thing, I will decide to move on for sure.

I won't say it's easy, but its been done. We all were designed to withstand some difficult times, and believe me, you are not the exception. I will pray for you and everyone here who is suffering like I am.

Blessings.

Romefalls19 · May 18, 2009, 12:55 PM

It didn't kill you, therefore you are destined to press on to better things.

ldanny · May 18, 2009, 01:04 PM

You... I started to go to church again after not going for a long time. I just can't believe that a person that you gave everything to can be so heartless. I know I am still in the relating to pop song phase, because I heard the Kris Allen version of "Heartless" and was like it sounds like me. Lol

kdomi002 · May 18, 2009, 01:14 PM

I liked that Kris Allen version of "heartless", and its ironic because he sang it the night after we broke up. It hurt to hear it because I was feeling so much at the moment. But, I'm doing my best to cope. This weekend I'm going to visit some friends I neglected over my time in this relationship and I am really excited. I just hope that I don't spoil it by talking about my ex the whole time. My wound is still so fresh...

jmw0713 · May 18, 2009, 06:25 PM

If they are real friends, they will listen to you, and then slap you back into reality when you start getting to deep.

That's what my friends did and still do if I attempt to associate something we are doing with memories of my past relationship.

ldanny · May 18, 2009, 07:16 PM

you.. but I think one of my pretty good friend is stepping with my ex.. =(

jmw0713 · May 19, 2009, 07:09 AM

If he is sleeping with your ex, then you need to avoid him.

I think if he was a real friend, he would know how you feel and NOT be sleeping with her right now.

Romefalls19 · May 19, 2009, 07:35 AM

Then he wasn't a real friend to begin with. He was just a snake in the grass. Follow our advice, you see where following your own head and heart have gotten you. Absolutely no where, give our ideas a try. We're steady proof our ways work

talaniman · May 19, 2009, 08:45 AM

You have a lot of adjustments to make, to your life, and social circle, goals, and attitude.

Embrace it, as a chance to find out who you are, so your whole life can reflect why your happy with yourself.

Your friend is doing his thing, as is she, Do your own thing, that makes you happy.

ldanny · May 19, 2009, 09:15 AM

I know... all of the advice you are giving me is what I need to do.. I'm trying to focus on myself but I keep thinking about her... sigh... I didn't return her text or anything, so I'm going to stick to my NC... don't know why this is so hard

ldanny · May 19, 2009, 12:13 PM

I went to drop off something that belonged to her today at her parents' house. Apparently they still don't know because they asked me to stay for dinner. But I politely said that I had to pick up my mom from the airport.

She called me twice but I did not answer, and I don't plan to return her calls... I need to stay strong like you guys have been telling me.

Thanks for the support..

She just txt me asking me why I didn't call her when I stopped by. I want to txt her back.. don't call me anymore until you are ready to talk... but I'm forcing myself to the NC...

talaniman · May 20, 2009, 05:59 AM

Stick with NC, whether she wants to talk or not.

ldanny · May 20, 2009, 07:32 PM

Ahhhh... she left me a message said that I should have called her and that she just wants to see how I am doing, but she sounded very serious. She called me again this morning but I didn't see it. I want to call her back... but I'm going to try and stick it out...