Check out some similar questions!

rebelman25 · May 7, 2009, 01:23 PM

OK my girlfriend (19) and I(21) have been dating for 4 years we live together and recently we got into a big fight (weve been fighting a lot lately) and she went out and had sex with another guy the next day she came home and broke up with me said she needed space because she we have been dating since her sophomore year in hs she wants to test the waters and make sure what she has with me is right because I'm all she has ever known, well I found out about the other guy and he's out of the picture she said she was sorry and she messed up and she doesn't talk to him anymore, she still wants to be single for a while and be free but she says we will prob get back together and she said a part of her still loves me and wants to be with me but she needs to do this for her, what do I do, it makes it hard for me to give her space because we live together, I want her back I love her so much, any advice...

Ps by the way she's still taking me out to lunch and asking me to come watch a movie in bed with her , lets me rub her head and hold her a little but asks me not to sleep in there because it would be weird, it seems like she wants to be free but have me too

What's this all about please I need advise

Triysle · May 7, 2009, 01:39 PM

Originally Posted by rebelman25

ps by the way shes still taking me out to lunch and asking me to come watch a movie in bed with her , lets me rub her head and hold her a little but asks me not to sleep in there because it would be weird, it seems like she wants to be free but have me too

whats this all about please i need advise

Hit the nail right on the head with that one, dude.

You can do better. Let her know that you aren't going to wait around and be used so she can feel better while you are still hurting and feeling worse. Then go No Contact, and get on with your life.

Read my signature, man. Take control of your own life and stop trying to pander to her.

~ Tee

Romefalls19 · May 7, 2009, 02:53 PM

Ok, I'm taking the gloves off

Dude, do you have a set of balls between your legs? Probably not, your ex took them and put them on the bedside while she spread for another guy. So every time you guys fight, it's okay for her to go boink any guy out there? Man, I am seriously contemplating your man card. You fight, she boinks another guy, breaks up with you and you do whatever she wants? Am I missing something?

You need to stand up for yourself, she has you by the b*lls and loves it. Why you aren't angry over that is beyond me, she doesn't want you to sleep there because as soon as you leave, the guy down the hall comes and finishes her off, then you are there to hold her in the morning.

Leave this manipulative, cheating, lying, and conniving b*tch alone! She doesn't deserve the ground you walk on.

I wish · May 7, 2009, 03:47 PM

I'm assuming that this is your first serious long term relationship?

The problem some people have with first serious relationships is that they don't know the signs of when it's time to call it quits. Instead, they drag out the relationship longer than it should have been. 4 years sounds like a huge investment and you don't want to throw it away... but I'm pretty sure you guys were in trouble long before 4 years. You've given each other many chances to keep going... but now it's time to realize that it's not meant to be.

I know you had your ups and downs with her. But at some point, you have to realize that she might not be the one for you. She cheated on you. So the trust is broken.

She said that she needs space away from you. You also need space away from her. You need some time to realize that it's time for you to move on with your life.

bswc · May 7, 2009, 06:16 PM

Pal, you're officially screwed. This girl might not has respect for herself and for what she does to you. Is she even clear that she's hurting you by letting you give her love? I'd advise u to wrote down on a piece of paper the bad stuffs and good stuffs she did for u and then cut all contacts with her. One day you'll realise.. What was I thinking back over?!

Gemini54 · May 7, 2009, 09:34 PM

Things have been difficult.
You argue and she goes out and gets laid.
She comes home and tell you she wants to break up but still wants you around.
She still wants to see you and have you pander to her needs.

Boy, she's got you by the short and curlies mate!

As someone has said much better than I, you need to take a long drink of 'harden the f***k up'. You need to start by setting some rules - for yourself, to begin with.

I would create some distance, move out, stay with someone else, if all else fails, sleep in another room. DON'T be at her beck and call.

You say you love her and you want her back - fine, but I think the subtext is that she wants her freedom, and she's letting you down lightly. You need to be realistic and plan for this rather than having a breakdown over it.

She wants space - give it to her - literally. Don't be around - do your own thing.
Don't make her the most important thing in your life - look after yourself first.

There are lots more fish in the sea!

artlady · May 7, 2009, 09:45 PM

She wants to have fun and be free and she wants you there as plan B in case nothing else suits her fancy.
That is called *getting played* and no one should allow someone to do that to them.
It is not what she says that is important,it is her actions and while she may love the *idea* of you and what you once had,she is not in love.
Be glad you found out before you wasted the best years of your young adult life.
Enjoy your life now,believe me this is the time when you can really live it up!

liz28 · May 7, 2009, 09:55 PM

Completely leave this girl alone. Stop doing things as if the two of you were a couple because your not. Cut the strings and let her be free as requested.

Oh, Romefalls I think you went a little overboard especially when you called her a bi+¢h. A little to harsh, don't you think?

ajGambino · May 8, 2009, 01:49 AM

You need advise?

Go NC, don't break NC, don't EVER break NC.

She contacts you, ignore it, she comes to your house, you shut the door.

She is no good for you, leave and never go back.

I wish · May 8, 2009, 05:50 AM

Another thing that was touched upon by others is that you're going to end up being her backup.

When she's depressed, she goes off sleeping with some other dude. Didn't like it so much, comes crying to you begging for forgiveness because she knows that you are a softy. If you forgive her, she will know that she can do it again next time. Go experiement, doesn't work out, come back to you.

You don't wan't to be someone's safety net.

kctiger · May 8, 2009, 05:58 AM

I just cannot help but think really hard about your mentality. Your first few lines said it all, I didn't even need to read further... so, you guys have a fight, and she just goes out and has sex with some random dude. Then, SHE decides you guys need to take a break? Are you HIGH??

I know you have gotten beaten up over this, and righfully so... I would be stunned if someone did this to me, and frankly, if I let her treat me like this, my mancard would be permanently revoked.

Look man, she is a dog, a user and frankly, you need to get her out of your life. Toss her in the toilet and flush for good. Right now, she is like a turd that won't flush because you can't seem to press the handle all the way.. allow me to get the plunger and handle this thing for you.

Carry on, without her, my friend... :cool:

talaniman · May 8, 2009, 06:23 AM

Ain't that much love in the world for you to even be talking to this female at all.

Disappear from her life.

joshdom · May 8, 2009, 07:55 PM

Seems like she really likes you but is stopping herself acting on it. 2 ways of going about this I think. Let her see other people and be there for her when it doesn't work out, but of course she may find someone, or try and kickstart what you had. Make every effort not to argue. Give her romantic surprises. If she sees this and no other guy is doing this for her you're a pretty special person right? Just don't tell yourself its all fine. Think about what you want and try and make that happen. If you want her and she doesn't just give her space and don't act like a partner to her by watching movies in bed etc. you would only be kidding yourself. If later she wanted something you could reconsider then

kctiger · May 9, 2009, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by joshdom

seems like she really likes you but is stopping herself acting on it. 2 ways of going about this i think. let her see other people and be there for her when it doesnt work out, but of course she may find someone, or try and kickstart what you had. make every effort not to argue. give her romantic surprises. if she sees this and no other guy is doing this for her your a pretty special person right? just dont tell yourself its all fine. think about what you want and try and make that happen. if you want her and she doesnt just give her space and dont act like a partner to her by watching movies in bed etc. you would only be kidding yourself. if later she wanted something you could reconsider then

What? So you condone her type of behavior? It is dudes like you that make it possible for user women like her to survive and prosper. I will put money on it that you will eventually be on here asking a question similar to this: "She cheated on me and now wants to take a break; how do I get her back?"

Guys aren't dogs, so get that mentality out of your head!

Europeanman · Oct 24, 2010, 11:02 PM

Best advice to you would be to forget her and go to Thailand to find a girlfriend. The girls there know how to treat a man and they would never cheat on you or do anything to make you upset.I have experience with American girls and they are all nasty *****es. When you go to Thailand my friend you will never look back.