[fredhtz]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years and I love her with my whole heart. I am 2 years older than her and graduated from high school dating her. I stayed close tgo her because I never felt that way about a girl before. Anyway, I thought we were doing good, but all of a sudden she did not want to see me because she needed time to think. I know she wants to break up with me, and the mere thought of it almost dropped me to my knees, I all of a sudden started crying and I couldn't stop because I just can't imagine my life without her. She always says that she has no doubt we will end up together but after reading comments written by other guys they all say it's a load of bull. My question is do I just let the love of my life go or do I try harder. I never cry, not even at funerals but I love her:confused: so much that I couldn't help it.

[JBeaucaire]

2 years in late/post high school. Ouch. Well, if there ever were a definite time that a girl goes through a LOT of changes, this is it.

I wish you wouldn't view it as "being toast". MOST relationships come to an end at some point. It is truly only a small fraction of them that turn into something permanent. And it NEVER does that based on your feelings. It does that based on all the other things.

2 years is a long time. You two should be WELL down the path toward preparing to get married at this point, and that's not where you are, is it? She knows it. You should know it.

You'll need stop focusing on your feelings long enough to deal with this properly. It takes an unbelievably deep level of compatibility on all the other areas of your life to make a permanent bond. You won't find someone by making this about feelings only. That's inexperience talking.

You never felt this way about anyone else before? That is good acknowledgement to make. First loves will be with you forever. I STILL remember my first two loves after 30 years and 23 years of marriage. They are wonderfully fond memories.

She always says that she has no doubt we will end up together...other guys say it's a load of bull. Now stop that! Of course she meant what she said when she said it. It wasn't "bull", it just didn't turn out to happen that way in the end. You have to be fair, the way you'd want others to be with you. Does EVERYTHING you EVER say to ANYONE have to stay exactly true for all time!? No, that's not real. Things do change. And people's commitment levels don't always turn out to match their "hopes". That doesn't make them liars, it makes them naïve.

do I just let the love of my life go ...? Melodramatic, aren't we? :-) This is your first love. It definitely won't be your last. I hate to break this to you, but after 30 years I couldn't forget my first loves if you paid me money. I have no intention of trying. You might as well give THAT thought up now. It ain't going to happen.

You can't let go of feelings. But you have to let go of people. This INCLUDES people you stay with. My wife is not someone I "have"... she is free and independent and alive and GIVES herself to me everyday. That's why we last. We don't try to control each other more than can bear.

You're going to be fine. The fact that you feel all of this so deeply is actually wonderful. But don't let the inevitable breakup cripple you. You have a lot of living to do ahead of you, and your past relationships are supposed to make you stronger and wiser, not wimpier and paranoid.

Remember all that was good in your relationship, keep it with you as part of you for all time. Think of her fondly, but don't over-romanticize it. Your actual "match" is still ahead, and if you must obsess over something, obssess over how much MORE you will be able to give the real girl of your life when you find each other?

That's time well spent.

[fredhtz]

Well I just don't know any different. I have been with her so long.

[JBeaucaire]

That's no excuse at all for not doing right by yourself. If you follow that logic, you will never ever have anything in your life in the future that you don't already have/know now?

You can't live that way.