[jackiesgirl]

I have a problem that I am desperately trying to evaluate and hope that some of you may shed some light that I am missing.
I recently purchased my first home (Yeah! ) Well I always wanted a fixer-upper, or so I thought (be careful what you ask for-yeah I've seen you all say it more than once). Well, I got what I asked for. Not only am I rehabbing the interior in more ways than one, the home I purchased is in one of the older parts of town and has LARGE trees on the property that are in desperate need of attention. When I say "desperate", I mean that if I don't get some of the trees trimmed I am risking the possibility of damage to my home from falling limbs, not to mention in order to allow the new sod I have recently placed to grow, I must let in more sunshine. I have tried to the best of my ability to do anything and everything myself, but much of this is over my head, both in the physical aspect and in the financial. I had no idea that getting things done would be so costly. YES, I should have been more educated before I leaped, but the fact is... I am here now, and the repair issues are not going away on their own.
I have a boyfriend of a little over a year, whom I very much love and respect. He has helped a little with things like roto-tilling an overgrown flower garden, hanging a ceiling fan that I was too uneducated and scared of the electricity issue to do myself (I have installed some wall lights-electrical and all, myself) and has loaned me a weed eater and hedge clippers that I couldn't afford to buy myself. He and I have discussed the tree cutting issues, and he has told me that if I would pay for the boom, he would chainsaw the limbs down. I pondered the idea for quite a while. I have mentioned it to him several times (right now he is working out of town and would not be able to help anyway). My boyfriend is in his 50's, and, yes in his head he is still 20 as far as his physical abilities. But the truth is, I don't know if it's something he needs to take on. He has had heart problems in the past, and God, I would never forgive myself if something happened. But even with this said, WHEN I have discussed these trees with him there's hesitation on his part, kind of like he SAYS he will do it, but I don't think he really wants to. There's been other small things I have asked for help with, that he told me he would, and just "never got around to it". Don't get me wrong he HAS helped, but with what I am dealing with I may need to look elsewhere... hence comes problems...
When I have worked in my yard... and I mean EVERY time I have worked in my yard, I have guys that stop by with offers of help, quotes, etc. for yard services. One man that stopped came while my 17 year old son was helping me in the yard. He was VERY flirtatous. It wasn't just my perception, my son noticed it too. Anyhow, I tried to be professional on my end, let him look at the trees and got quote with his business card. He left and several times later the same day, he drove by and whistled at me. My son saw this too. Next guy came by week or so later. Was very nice and professional at first. Gave me quotes on tree cutting, little advice on bamboo I'm trying to get rid of, drainage issues, etc. Gave me his business card and told me he would have some extra flowers left over from a job next weekend that he could bring by to me if I was interested. Told him thank you, but I was on limited budget. He offered to give them for free, saying they would just go to waste... so I accepted. He started to come by each week, always professional with the offers of cheap to free items, I always offering to pay what I could or refusing to accept as I couldn't afford. Anyhow, I told BF of both men and pretty much entire conversations. He was a little upset, stating he thought I was being hit on and they were doing this to see how far they could get. As time went by, I had few other offers from other men, same attitudes. Please, don't get me wrong on this... I am not out working in my yard with short, shorts and a see through halter top. I have not worn shorts the entire year, and it's grubby t-shirts, no make up... you get the picture. I do know how guys can be, but I'm just trying to make you understand I am in no way provoking anything (even though it is my belief that I can stand in my front yard wearing anything I want-I don't). BF became more upset with "these guys". Told me they only wanted one thing from me. I told him, I honestly couldn't say that was or was not their intentions. I told him men can be flirty, I had mentioned to everyone of them I had a BF-a very good BF, and "I" stayed on the subject of my yard with every one of them. The one man that came by more often, did start to say things to me when I was concerned about paying not to worry about it... said he felt like he found a friend... then was the offer of coffee out somewhere. I replied that I didn't think that was necessary and that BF might be upset over that. He replied that BF didn't have to know... said he had a lady friend and he wasn't telling her. BF was VERY upset. I told him I refused coffee offer. He said it was wrong of me to accept help if other man had different intentions on this situation. I told him I had been very clear on MY intentions and could not help if this person thought differently. I always believe if you are very clear in where you are on a subject, you have done your job... you are not in control of how others perceive things. Anyhow, things got progressively worse. I even told BF that I would much rather he be helping me, but the fact is that I needed help to accomplish certain things around here. BF got so upset one day, yard guy called while we were out running errands. BF wanted me to call him back and tell him not to call me or come around anymore. He kept on for so long, I finally gave him number to do it himself. I haven't seen yard guy around anymore.
I know that I am leaving a lot out on this, but the point I think I am trying to get across is... yes, I do agree with BF on certain level. I do have this happen to me frequently. I am not a beautiful woman, but am attractive. I am not flirtatious, but do not snap someone's head off when they show interest. I do tell them I have BF... and am happy with relationship. I have had friends tell me there is a certain "sex appeal" about me... maybe that has something to do with it.
But I also question BF's jealousy. I think a small... and I mean small amount of jealousy is OK, we all get that way once in a while. I mean, he does hit the nail on the head with most guys that I come in contact with... and I SWEAR to you I don't provoke this.
I am at a dilemma on what to do... the jealousy, why the attraction from other men, what to do on my yard situation... the money is running out, I HAVE looked at the budget so many times I am dizzy, the trees are a safety issue, I can't sell the house with today's market, thought about getting a second job, but God I am sooooooo busy now.
Maybe some of you can shed some light on this...

[none12345]

I think the reasons you aren't getting any responses is because no one wants to read that huge block of text. Paragraphing and summarizing would get you more answers. Love to read it when that happens.

[chuff]

Honestly, I agree with none12345, This was a lot to read for a very simple question.

Here's the deal for everybody else.

Guys hit on her and provide her free lawn services. She has a boyfriend who thinks she is disrespecting him by not telling them no because he believes it leads them on.

Here's the answer. Your boyfriends right, quit doing it as you know good and well you are leading them on for free services. This is middle school behavior, you boyfriend knows it, and you do to. The moment a contractor hits on you or whistles at you, that should tell you all need to know about professionalism.

[DanMart513]

With all the words that you used, to explain a simple thought, my dear, you are using this forum to get people to feel sorry for you. You know what you are doing. You want the guys to do the work for free. That you are getting attention from other men, is good for your ego. As long as you don't follow through there is no harm.The guys are not going to do the work for nothing, they will expect something from you, and you know what it is. You are trying to reach out for help, JUST ASK FOR THE HELP. There are people with good hearts that don't expect from you, other then a nice dinner.

[Gemini54]

We attract to ourselves what we give out.

I have to ask - why would you have persisted with YardGuy when it was obvious what he was after?

You give out 'look at me, like me' vibes - and that's what you get back. You said it yourself - it happens to you often. There is nothing wrong with this, but you need to take responsibility for it and understand that it has consequences. (Which you don't seem to be doing at this point in time.)

Your BF is, understandably, annoyed with your denials because he can see what's happening. Let him be your BF, not your handyman. I don't think that he should become your MrFixit just because you need help with your property.

Do what we all do, work and save and get someone professional to do it for you. It will take longer to realise the dream of your 'perfect' home, but the job will be done well and you'll be happier.

[ordinaryguy]

Some people bear the burden of ugliness, others bear the burden of beauty. You have my sympathy, and I'm not being snarky.

It sounds like your boyfriend is way too insecure to be involved with a woman like you, but the lecherous yard guys are jerks too. Like I said, you have my sympathy, but I can't really offer much help, because I've never had to wonder whether women who came on to me did it because of my good looks. Also, I've been spared the temptation to take advantage my looks to get people to give me special favors.