[starlite1]

Hi Tal,

What possibilities though. That is what I am gray on.

[talaniman]

If you two are working well together after a year, OR TWO. Don't let talk get your hopes up, as what's the hurry? Nobody can see that far ahead, and he sounds like the one day at a time sort of fellow.

[I wish]

No one can guarantee a happily ever after story. But what you can get is a proposal.

You already made it clear to him that you want to get married. So you just need to wait for him to pop the question.

The fact that he has not proposed yet means that he's not ready to get married. You need to give him some time.

The question is, how long can you wait? I want to say patience?

[talaniman]

How long have you been living together?

[starlite1]

Hi Tal,

7 months

[I wish]

7 months isn't very long. Give it more time before expecting a proposal. I'm sure there's still a lot that you don't know about each other.

[Survivor07]

Hi Everyone,

I would like your honest opinions. My boyfriend and I live together and we talk about our future, marraige etc. We are both divorced from past marriages. My boyfriend says that he wants marry me one day, and again, we talk about one day buying a house, etc. But he has said time and time again that he takes life day by day and there are no guarantees in life (other than death & taxes). So, my question is why does he talk of wanting to marry me someday, have a future with me, etc, and then says he doesn't think about the future; he likes to live day by day? Isn't that a contradiction? Does he really want to marry me/have a future with me someday?

I wonder if my boyfriend and yours hang out? LOL.

We've been together a year and don't live together. I'd like to be married again myself some day, and I wanted to know how he felt about it, because I want to be with someone who wants what I want, so I asked him and he practically choked. I assured him I wasn't proposing and after he regained his composure he told me he is not against it but wants to be very careful because he doesn't want to start over again. ( he's divorced also).

And he's right. I feel that there is no hurry. Nothing wrong with getting to know someone very well and just go with the flow and take one day at a time. Let nature take it's course.

[none12345]

This is just my opinion, but I think people who say there is no guarantees in life, they are realists and living in reality but to me, I don't like living in a life with no guarantees, I like to live where things are for sure!! =P I guess it depends on the people.

I think it would be hard for me to live in a life with no guarantees although I know that the truth but it doesn't hurt to believe there are things that are for sure. I learned if you have a positive attitude, things always work out the way you want to =P even though I know life is unpredictable. Varies from person to person I guess =P

[Justwantfair]

I am at five years and counting...

No comment, Tal. :D

[talaniman]

Hi Tal,

7 months

Omigosh! That's barely long enough to establish the honeymoon is over, and the work to really learn if this relationship can last hasn't even started. You want a forever guarantee, of future happiness, from a stranger, who can't know if he wants to make that step? Sorry but that's not very practical. Establish some communications and see if your willing to work together first. I think you have quite away to go before you get to that point. What's your hurry?

I am at five years and counting...

No comment, Tal. :D

Okay, for now.:eek:

[N0help4u]

I agree with the others and from what I have seen with guys that give you that 'there are no guarantees except taxes and death' speech usually are the type that are trying to put things off for as long as possible and usually aren't even serious about what they are putting off. Just telling you what you want to hear. Not meaning that he doesn't love you or that he doesn't want to stay together indefinitely but that you most likely shouldn't get your hopes up too much about him ever actually going through with marriage.

[starlite1]

Good Morning Everyone,

Starlite here. Guys, I'm in a real tough spot. My insecurites are driving me and my boyfriend crazy. I am going to therapy once a week, I'm on meds for depression, insecurity, etc, and I see a psychiatrist once every two months.

My boyfriend is so supportive and so loving, however I am driving him crazy with my low (extremely low) self esteem and self worth. I don't know, in fact I never knew how to love even like myself. I always feel that I am not good enough for him, not pretty enough for him, etc. He is gorgeous, can most likely have any woman he wants and he is with me thank God. But I feel as though I am not worthy of him because he is so good looking. I have put on a few pounds and am dieting now to try and get the weight off so that I could be more sexy for him. What do I do. I don't want to push this man away. He says he is unhappy with me because of me; meaning because I don't love myself and I am always jealous and insecure on myself.

Has anyone ever been here before like me? What do I do where I can be more beautiful, confident, and secure?

Thanks guys.

[ZoeMarie]

It's hard to love someone else when you don't love yourself. You're doing the right thing by seeing someone to talk about these issues. Have you always felt this way?

[starlite1]

Hi ZoeMarie,

Yes, all of my life, ever since I was little. I remember when I was real little going to the supermarket with my mom, and walking up to a stranger (another lady) and saying Hi, I love you. The woman thought is was cute, but looking back, I was looking for acceptance.

[ZoeMarie]

Have you talked to your psychiatrist about your insecurities involving your boyfriend? If so, what did he/she say? A lot of times in these situations, what we would suggest is to talk to a counselor. I'm not sure what meds you're on, but does your doctor think they're working? I might be wrong in suggesting this, maybe you and your boyfriend want to work through this, but sometimes it's better to break it off and spend some time figuring yourself out before being in a serious relationship. I know what you're saying though, about looking for acceptance, I've been there.

[starlite1]

We have been together for 4 years, and he says he doesn't want to end the relationship. He wants to marry me someday. I just need to get my SH*& together and get over all of this. I also get jealous if he even looks toward another woman. I know I have issues, and I need to get rid of them. The meds are helping, believe it or not. I just want to feel good and secure.

[ZoeMarie]

Maybe you could join a gym or something? Do something fun to feel good about yourself? Just an idea. I was in that situation, a long time ago and I started going to the gym every day after work. It was right down the street from my house and I loved it. Exercise causes your pituitary gland to release endorphines. You can read about it if you want.

Endorphins

I just know since you mentioned you wanted to lose weight and feel better about yourself it might not be a bad idea. Even if you're not overweight exercise has so many benefits.

[starlite1]

Thank you Zoe, the problem is I can't afford it right now. So far I do walk and stuff like that. I just don't know how to get over my insecurities.

[ZoeMarie]

Yeah, that's something that will come with time. Unfortunately I don't know of any quick fixes. I'm sure others will be around soon and can offer you more suggestions. Do you have friends you can talk to? Go have fun with?

[I wish]

Multiple threads merged

Hi Starlite1,

I merged a few of your threads together so that we can follow your story because you've been having this problem for quite some time now and I thought that others should be able to read your entire story before giving you advice.

Is there a progress update from your therapist/counsellor?