Check out some similar questions!

Wendyrite12 · Apr 13, 2009, 05:50 PM

I met this guy last Halloween. He called every day and we had many great dates. Over Christmas he took me to Mexico for New Years. January was much of the same dating wise but at the end of January I was going on a 6 week business trip over seas that we both knew was coming. The day before I left at dinner I wanted to have the "what are we" conversation, so I would know what the protocol was while I was gone. I said I wanted it to be something, he said "let's just see how things go." I took this the wrong way and we started miscommunicating all over the place and things ended in a bit of a fight. I then left the country. I couple days later I emailed that he was perhaps right, we should take it slow and get to know each other. We continued benign emails here and there the entire trip.

When I returned, he didn't seem in a great hurry but did ask if he could see me the day after I got back. I went by his house one night after a friends birthday dinner and we made out, no sex, and both remarked how happy we were the chemistry was still there. He called every day after and we had a nice dinner out. He then went out of town with his 3 year old for a long weekend, which he has shared custody. I didn't hear from him all weekend but assumed he was busy with the son.

I had a busy weekend myself and hadn't done much in the way of showering so by Monday thought I'd slip into the gym for a little steam/shower. He works in the same building as my gym but I've never seen him until I ran smack into him that day. He saw me driving into the parking garage and waited by the elevators for me to come up. Feeling smelly and gross I inadvertently acted kindof odd. He was very sweet, showed me pics from the weekend and commented I seemed nervous. I just said I wasn't planning on running into anyone. As we separated he asked "can I see you later this week?" and I replied nervously (and stupidly) "maybe." He then asked "well can I call you at least?" to which I replied AGAIN thinking I was coy "maybe." After thinking about it, I felt bad about my behavior and later that night texted him that he looked really great when I saw him. Crickets, nothing.

So still feeling bad, the next day I wrote again and said "I felt like things were a little uncomfortable. I didn't mean them to be. I'd love to see you this week." Again,no response. I'm starting to think, this is maybe his way of fading out. Then, what do you know, 2 days later, Thursday, I run into him again as I'm going to the gym. (universe works strangely sometimes). I was determined this time to be warm and friendly so did not act odd. He was friendly, asked what I was doing for the weekend. I had a lot of plans for some reason so said "tonight is a bday, fri is my brothers concert, saturday I might go camping." we joked and talked a bit and as we separated he said "if you want to grab a bite and see a movie, let me know..." I replied "you know my schedule so tell me what works for you." After I left I realized I didn't give him much of an opening so texted an hour later "How about Saturday or Sunday? I'm not going camping." Nothing. No reply. I waited through the weekend and yesterday, Sunday, grabbed the bull by the horns and called him. It rang once and went to voice mail which usually means the person hit "ignore."

I left a message saying "Hey I was just wanting to see what was up. I haven't heard back from you in a while so maybe your unavailable which is fine but if you'd like to get together I think that would be fun. Let me know and happy holidays..." Nothing! It's driving me mad. I don't know if I've confused him by my signals so he's taking some time out, giving me a taste of my own medicine OR I'm taking it personally and he's actually trying to end it by being cowardly. It doesn't make sense to ask someone out when you see them and then ignore them when they contact you. He's 48 and an attorney so I would THINK he would be man enough to end it if he wanted and not take the cowards way out, but that's sure what it feels like. Or have I messed it up? I do like him and I guess gave off weird signals because I wasn't sure what his feelings were from before my leaving. Any interpretation of his behavior or a recommendation of what I can do would be so appreciated. I'm not sure I'mcomfortable making any more contact. Thank you for reading.

mudweiser · Apr 13, 2009, 06:07 PM

It seems like you're the one that gave him mixed signals. Of course the guy is going to back off I would think the last thing he would want is a wishy-washy woman.

My take is to give him a call and leave him a message and ask him to call you back- after that it's up to him.

You may have messed your chance up but you never really know. Either way, know that he's not the only guy out there and that he shouldn't be your main concern.

Sarah

Wendyrite12 · Apr 13, 2009, 06:26 PM

Thank you for your reply. I did call him yesterday, I'm not sure if calling him again is a good idea. I'm wondering if I should let him have some space... I also don't want to look psycho calling all the time. I'm not sure how much is too much.

mudweiser · Apr 13, 2009, 06:57 PM

Originally Posted by Wendyrite12

Thank you for your reply. I did call him yesterday, I'm not sure if calling him again is a good idea. I'm wondering if i should let him have some space...I also don't want to look psycho calling all the time. I'm not sure how much is too much.

Psycho would be you calling, texting and emailing and leaving messages like "Hey answer the phone I know your there....pick up!".

Why not try writing him a short email something like:

"Hey Tom,

I know I've been quite busy lately, and almost seemed as if i'm not interested. I would really like to get to know you a lot better, and I think we may have started on the wrong foot. Let me know if you feel the same,

Wendy"

Write something of the sort, but don't write "I'll be available anytime" or "call me as soon as you read this".

Sarah

I wish · Apr 14, 2009, 07:57 AM

This guy has a lot of baggage. You say he has a kid.

There are far too many obstacles to make you happy. He's obviously not looking for anything serious either.

I suggest you move on.

Wendyrite12 · Apr 14, 2009, 11:03 PM

My guy would call every night for 4 months, I randonly ran into him on the street, he was really nice asked to see me in a couple days and to let him know my schedule. When I emailed it, he never responded, emailed again, nothing. Ran into him again 2 days later, again he asks me out. I was slightly colder so followed up later saying I'd be available on the weekend. Never heard again. It's been 4 days. Is this the biggest coward on the planet? He is on medication for depression. Do depressives ever disappear? How could I choose such a rotten ball of cheese?

kctiger · Apr 15, 2009, 05:52 AM

I don't know if it is depression... but, it sounds like "He is just not than into you..."

I think you deserve to find someone that isn't as flaky as this guy.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2009, 05:58 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ns-341738.html

Are we talking about the same guy here?

I wish · Apr 15, 2009, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

I don't know if it is depression...but, it sounds like "He is just not than into you..."

I think you deserve to find someone that isn't as flaky as this guy.

Have to spread rep. I got to agree.

He's definitely not someone you want to have as your boyfriend or even dating. He can't keep his word. How can you believe anything he says anymore?

Find someone else.

liz28 · Apr 15, 2009, 09:30 AM

It's time to let go and move on. Too many games are being played and you share a hand in them.

In the future be more direct instead of playing the cat and mouse game. You see what happen to the "gingerbread man" at the end of the story.

Wendyrite12 · Apr 15, 2009, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ns-341738.html

Are we talking about the same guy here??

Yes, in my struggle to let this go, I've been coming to all sorts of conclusions in my mind. I really truncated my question there to simplify the idea because I was wondering about the depression thing. In the end though it doesn't matter. I just wish it could have been resolved with a conversation. But maybe you wish those things and when it happens, that's not really what you want either. Perhaps not knowing and moving on is the best... we have mutual friends so eventually I'll run into him. Hopefully will be moved on by then.

talaniman · Apr 15, 2009, 04:29 PM

When faced with a brick wall, DO NOT try to knock it down by running into it head first. Find a door, or get a ladder.

Translation- Don't hurt yourself, if you don't have to, just find another way.

Be happy without him, his loss.

Wendyrite12 · Apr 15, 2009, 06:23 PM

Thank for all the advice. I surprisingly have no desire to make any sort of contact which is a relief. It's akin to having the mental flu. Nothing I can do but wait it out and take care of myself and eventually I will be better. You can't hurry an illness, you have to let it run it's course.

mudweiser · Apr 15, 2009, 06:27 PM

Hey we'll be here to medicate your illness =)

Sarah

Wendyrite12 · Apr 15, 2009, 06:28 PM

Thanks :). Chicken soup for the soul...

mudweiser · Apr 15, 2009, 06:37 PM

Or just veggie soup [i'm vegan].

Hope your doing okay I know you may hear this a lot but it does get better. I'm going through an ick breakup as well and honestly I am doing better- I'm happy about it, I've actually become a better person in this short period. Trust me when I say : It will get better. You'll be okay.

Sarah

Wendyrite12 · Apr 18, 2009, 02:04 PM

Update: Last night I got this email from him.

Subject: Sorry
I'm finally back. How are you?
What are you doing?
D

What is that?! "I'm back??!!" Is he trying to excuse his behavior by implying he was out of town or something? I should not respond right? I would need a lot more of an explanation to respond in any way I think... or... never. Thoughts?

talaniman · Apr 18, 2009, 02:20 PM

Just me I would let someone know if I was going to be unavailable. That wasn't very thoughtful of him was it. Me, I wouldn't respond, I mean who needs to be treated that way?

He didn't care when he was gone, why should you care now?

Don't forget about that brick wall I mentioned.

Wendyrite12 · Apr 18, 2009, 02:25 PM

And the thing is, I don't even thing he was gone. I think he would have said he was leaving or would have been more specific in yesterdays email like "sorry, just got back, was in the antartic with no service." I think he was merely looking for an excuse for his behavior. He knows it's wrong or he wouldn't have said "sorry." I'll ignore him.

Justwantfair · Apr 18, 2009, 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Wendyrite12

It rang once and went to voice mail which usually means the person hit "ignore."

This is not the only reason that a cell phone rings only once. It is often that the phone is off, the caller maybe making a phone call, my phone shuts off when on the cell phone charger. Did you leave a message?

Originally Posted by Wendyrite12

I left a msg saying "Hey I was just wanting to see what was up. I haven't heard back from you in a while so maybe your unavailable which is fine but if you'd like to get together I think that would be fun. Let me know and happy holidays..."

Now I am really confused you told him Happy Holidays? Is the last time you heard from him around Christmas? Or was that meant to be like a Happy Easter?

Either way, you are all over the board with your behaviors, he can't get into your head to know if you are interested, so he probably has a hard time knowing how to show if he is interested. From the sounds of your no responses, I would just let this one go why be in a relationship with a partner who is only interested when it's convenient?

EDIT: Oops, I missed the page two commentary, ignore all previous advice.

Maybe he wasn't aware that he had missed telling you he would be unavailable?

Does work require him to leave on the spur of the moment?