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Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 07:56 AM

Recently, there has been some disturbance in my home about the merging of finances.

I would like to hear how other couples have made it through the transition of yours/mine into ours.

Any suggestions on how to merge when one is further in "debt" and has a lower income and the opposite partner has higher income and no debt?

starlite1 · Apr 6, 2009, 08:02 AM

Hi Justwantfair,

Dealing with finances can be a real sticky situation. My boyfriend moved in with me about 4 months ago, and we combined finances even though I make more and he has slightly more debt. In our relationship we didn't compare apples to oranges; as we are looking to have a future together (get both of our debts paid off, no matter who has more, eventually buy a home, and hopefully marriage). I guess we didn't really have a problem because we both trust each other and have the same mutual goals in mind. We also have the 'What's mine is yours' mentality too.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 09:03 AM

Does it ever work out to keep splitting bills?

My opinion is having finances shared, as I have always done, his opinion is to split expenses... which he has always done.

Primarily, the biggest concern is an overload of attorney fees that are spilling over from a long standing custody battle. Just want some insight because right now, the finance situation seems like a deal breaker.

I wish · Apr 6, 2009, 09:55 AM

Logically, you should only be merging finances after you get married.

Otherwise, if you do merge finances before marriage, you better have a way out in case you break up.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 09:58 AM

So while living together just split the bills?

Ren6 · Apr 6, 2009, 10:03 AM

My partner and I merged finances years ago. It's really important to have similar values where money is concerned, at least in my opinion. Neither my partner or I had any debt. We never carried a balance on our credit cards, etc. Money is one of the main things that split couples apart. If you're both pretty similar in your spending and saving habits, and plan to be together long term, then go ahead. If not... disaster awaits!

Edit:
I don't think differences in income should figure too heavily into this, as long as the spending/saving habits are similar.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 10:04 AM

So after five years, I will never get a marriage out of this deal... pretty sweet for him. :D

kctiger · Apr 6, 2009, 10:14 AM

The word marriage makes some of us guys tremble with fear... :cool:

starlite1 · Apr 6, 2009, 10:16 AM

Now why is that KC? ;)

NeedKarma · Apr 6, 2009, 10:18 AM

My wife and I were independent individuals before we got married and, by my suggestion, we continued it after marriage. We have our own accounts at the same bank. We made a spreadsheet of our monthly expenses and we split it based or percentage of take home (she makes more than I). We share a mortgage account which aorks well for transferring money around. 10 years later we've had to tweak it slightly but it works well. She has her own credit cards and I have mine.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by kctiger

The word marriage makes some of us guys tremble with fear...:cool:

Well shoot, if we aren't merging finances pre-marriage and he earns twice what I make and we are splitting bills, I think I maybe putting myself in for another five year standoff.

kctiger · Apr 6, 2009, 10:20 AM

Perhaps you guys should use the weighted average approach... it is a more fair way of doing things without completely merging finances.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

My wife and I were independant individuals before we got married and, by my suggestion, we continued it after marriage. We have our own accounts at the same bank. We made a spreadsheet of our monthly expenses and we split it based or percentage of take home (she makes more than I). We share a mortgage account which aorks well for transfering money around. 10 years later we've had to tweak it slightly but it works well. She has her own credit cards and I have mine.

See this is his idea that he wants to go forward with. But we currently do an even split of all of the household bills, including groceries. While his current income is twice mine. So I guess that is getting under my skin as far as splitting bills goes.

NeedKarma · Apr 6, 2009, 10:26 AM

We don't split the bills evenly, we do it by percentage of take-home pay. If our montly take-home pay is $2000 and hers is $1200 of that then she pays 1200/2000=60% of the bills and I pay 40%.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 10:34 AM

Sounds a lot more fair. Now I just head back into the financial conversation... with a new compromise in hand... ::cross my fingers::

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 10:36 AM

My fiancé and I have shared finances, separate accounts(for now) until everything is straightened out with her job. We are planning on getting a joint account mid June. We doing share a savings account currently though, in my name for reasons dealing with welfare.

My advice, if your spouse has the same type of outlook on money, then sharing finances isn't a bad idea. However if you differ, then separate is the way to go.

For example, my fiancé and I are both against needless spending, so saving money is not a problem and both consult each other on what needs to be bought and what is a luxury.

A friend of mine and his wife, are the opposite, he spends money without any thought to rent, bills or anything. She wants to save for a house and be able to pay bills. They were joined account that has now been forced to go separate.

Ren6 · Apr 6, 2009, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Well shoot, if we aren't merging finances pre-marriage and he earns twice what I make and we are splitting bills, I think I maybe putting myself in for another five year standoff.

Yikes! That's not fair!

I wish · Apr 6, 2009, 11:21 AM

Here's a possibility. You keep your separate bank accounts, but you create a new joint account. Every month you each put in a fixed amount, let's say $1000 each. So every month you have $2000 to pay for all the bills that you have. If there is extra money, it carries over to the next month. So in one year, you each put in $12000 for a total of $24000 to pay for all your bills. That way, everything is evenly split. If you break up, all you have to do is split the money in that account in half and each get back their equal share.

liz28 · Apr 6, 2009, 12:26 PM

Me and my fiancé do things differently.

He pays the full amount of rent and car payments. I pay the electric, cable,phone (home cell), and car insurance. We split the grocery bill and pay our own credit cards bills.

This works for us but you and your fiancé have to work out a plan that works for the both of you.

Justwantfair · Apr 6, 2009, 12:45 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

My fiance and I have shared finances, separate accounts(for now) until everything is straightened out with her job. We are planning on getting a joint account mid June. We doing share a savings account currently though, in my name for reasons dealing with welfare.

My advice, if your spouse has the same type of outlook on money, then sharing finances isn't a bad idea. However if you differ, then separate is the way to go.

For example, my fiance and I are both against needless spending, so saving money is not a problem and both consult each other on what needs to be bought and what is a luxury.

A friend of mine and his wife, are the opposite, he spends money without any thought to rent, bills or anything. She wants to save for a house and be able to pay bills. They were joined account that has now been forced to go separate.

We are and aren't on the same page about finances. He keeps a huge gambling fund going, which he can afford, but in the current circumstances is creating additional animosity between us.

Neither of us, outside of the gambling fund, are huge frivilous spenders. We prefer to save.