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DoulaLC · Mar 25, 2009, 08:47 AM

Which would be easier to find again... a new best friend like the one you have now or a new boyfriend who is also wonderful but is more secure in his relationship with you?

Justwantfair · Mar 25, 2009, 08:48 AM

I agree with kc, this behavior is immature.

Leave your boyfriend, he is controlling, manipulative and insecure.

I have a male best friend and I would never give him up for a relationship with ANY man. If my boyfriend was as insecure as yours apparently is, I would have left a long time ago.

DoulaLC · Mar 25, 2009, 08:51 AM

All relationships require some give and take... only you can decide how much is too much and what you find acceptable and what you don't. Good luck! Wish you could find a way to continue with both... if that won't be possible, you have a tough choice.

kctiger · Mar 25, 2009, 08:52 AM

There shouldn't be ANY relationship, unless it is effecting your health, that should require you to "give up" someone you care about... that is wrong, period!

I wish · Mar 25, 2009, 08:53 AM

I'm sure others might disagree with me, but I don't think any significant other is worth losing a best friend over.

You seriously need to reconsider your relationship.

BMI · Mar 25, 2009, 08:54 AM

Lucky enough to have found such a great guy?

Your friend is your best friend for a reason no? If he met a girl and told you he couldn't see you anymore what would you feel?

This is not a small problem dear, it is one that can and already has caused a great deal of confusion in your life. Your B/F's demands are unreasonable and I doubt anyone would support you cutting off your best friend to take a shot with a guy that forces who you can and can not speak too. If issues like these plague you now I'd be willing to bet the future may not be as rosy as you would like to think.

Talk to your boyfriend, stand up for yourself and your friend, he deserves his best friend standing up for and fighting for him. If you do cut him off you will be doing the relationship irreparable harm, if things don't work out with this boyfriend of yours you've lost both parties.

I suspect you already know this though, you know what the right thing to do is.

inertia · Mar 25, 2009, 09:06 AM

Sorry to steer this off topic. BTW, I did say the boyfriend is being immature in this given situation and she should walk if he continues to act like a child. Unlucky Ducky, I completely disagree with you. First of all, I am not so cocky as to think I am better than anyone. Nor do I think anyone is better than me. We all offer something different. Sometimes others can offer something you can't and vice versa. Try losing your job in this economy. Sometimes in life you are not dealing from a position of strength. I'm a survivor and I do not support anyone who simply wallows away, however to state that a confident man knows he can easily find a new job shows a great amount of ignorance. Confidence is not about being able to replace a job or a girlfriend. Its about knowing who you are and what you have to offer. Its also about recognizing your limitations. What if you worked in an industry that was SUDDENLY off-shored or your company went bankrupt and the market was flooded with your peers?

MeNdOniMe · Mar 25, 2009, 10:44 AM

Get rid of the controlling boyfriend!! NEVER EVER let anything come between you and your best friend. Lads will come and go but your best friend will always be there. My best friend was a guy and we lost each other because we both had partners who didn't like us seeing each other. Luckily we're starting to get our friendship back to how it used to be but please girl don't let a guy come between you and your best mate. They aren't worth it!

Good luck x

talaniman · Mar 25, 2009, 12:08 PM

I feel like I am lucky enough to have found a great guy.

My first thought was, he was so agreeable, when you first started this relationship, but now his true nature is showing, and instead of being agreeable, and expressing his feelings, so they can be dealt with, he issues and ultimatum.

He has issues he needs to deal with. Going back on his word, is one of them, immaturity, and being selfish, is another. Insecurity stands out like a sore thumb.

I doubt seeing your best friend is the only issue you have with him, but from what you have written, he is not the great guy you say he is.

The issue is for all his problems, (and the ones you don't know about yet, but will find out later about them) is he worth it?

I don't thinks so, and would have been gone after his ultimatum.

That's not caring, that's control, and will get worse over time, and not better.

You have made enough concessions to his demands. Don't give away all you care about, for this idiot. Then there will only be what he wants left, and no more you.

Romefalls19 · Mar 25, 2009, 12:11 PM

Ultimatums never work out in a good favor. You lost a great friend because this guy couldn't live with the fact your best friend was a male. If my fiancé had given me that choice, my best friends(who most are girls) or her, then she can go pound sand. Here's two quotes from songs you might enjoy, "My friends come first, that's the bottom line" and "I'll still pick my friends over you"

Ask yourself this question, if he breaks up with you. Who is going to be there for you to help put the pieces back together, this boyfriend who broke your heart or your best friends who's been there all along?

katiesxx · Mar 25, 2009, 12:12 PM

Just reading the title noooooo boy is worth more than a best friend, best friends don't come often boys do, good luck

UnluckyDucky · Mar 25, 2009, 02:00 PM

inertia, now you're just name calling my friend. ;) Let's just agree to disagree. Implying that I come from a stance of "great ignorance" speaks volume about the frame in which you are coming from but let's stop this right here. My last statement in regards to this in this thread is that there is a clear cut difference between having a healthy confidence in oneself and being outright cocky. If you wish to continue this discussion, feel free to PM me - no need to clutter this thread.

Back on topic. Tal is definitely spot on here with the comments. Is this guy really as "great" as you think he is?

G383 · Mar 25, 2009, 02:44 PM

What's becoming more clear--from the comments everyone has given--is that he may have a trust/insecurity issue in general.

Every time I go out with my girlfriends he desperately needs me to tell him everyone I am with... see... and run into that night, god forbidding I happen to see a male that I once knew or was friends with.

First, I didn't see this as an issue (call me blind and ridiculous).

As I said, I told him in the beginning, my best friend is a guy--deal with it or get lost. When he agreed I thought everything would be just fine, when in reality, with this issue, it hasn't been fine at all. I imagine things can only get worse from here, unfortunately I feel I am in way over my head with this guy... I do feel suffocated by him and his insecurity because he makes it my problem by affecting my social life and friendships, which is just wrong. I figure, if I don't break up with him, he won't stop acting this way until all my friends are gone, whereas if I do break up with him, at least I'll still have my friends to tell me I did the right thing.

I hope I can look past all the time we have spent together and the good times we really had, and simply cut the cord. There's always more fish in sea, right?

Thanks to everyone for their advice, I appreciate it greatly.

Romefalls19 · Mar 25, 2009, 03:15 PM

Yup, there are always more fish in the see and as my Dad told me, sometimes if you try a lake out too much you need to pack up your gear and try another lake.