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dooobi · Mar 13, 2009, 08:18 PM

Hello,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We dated for 4 years and now I really miss him. During these 3 weeks, I've really started to think about the problems that he said he had with me. He says that we always fight and he's tired of me always being mad at him. I feel that I was he's right and I really want to change my ways to make things better, but he won't give me another chance. He says that he has given up on me and doesn't want to get back together and he also told me that he's interested in another girl after we broke up (and I also know this girl). So, now I'm stuck here with all these guilt and regret that I was such a bad girlfriend.

I don't know what to do. I just cry whenever I think about how he doesn't love me anymore and how he talks about this other girl. I love him very much, but I know that I shouldn't be calling him anymore, but its sooo hard. I keep getting this idea that maybe we can get back together, but I know it won't happen. I'm in so much pain, I just don't know how to handle it. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Clough · Mar 13, 2009, 08:49 PM

Hi, dooobi!

Four years is a long time to spend with someone. Have you considered writing him a letter so that he'll have something tangible that he'll be able ponder for awhile?

It sounds like you've learned some things about your behavior and that you're willing to change. However, you don't have any control over the way that he thinks or acts, only how you think and act. It might permanently be over, however, it's only been three weeks...

If he doesn't respond or responds to a letter in such a way that he's really not interested, then I would suggest moving on...

There are lot's of "fish in the sea".

What do you think, please?

Thanks!

dooobi · Mar 13, 2009, 09:59 PM

Thank you for your response... and yes I've written to him before and I've called him several times... but he said he doesn't want to get back together with me...

Yahh I know I really need to move on... but its just so hard...

Clough · Mar 13, 2009, 10:06 PM

Believe me, I do know how hard it is to do that. Are there any other guys in whom you're interested in or that might be interested in you?

I still think sometimes about girlfriends of the past that I had, some of them I was with thirty years ago!

Thanks!

Clough · Mar 13, 2009, 10:29 PM

Are you still there, dooobi?

Thanks!

neverme · Mar 14, 2009, 06:18 AM

There is no point chasing him.

It's time to go NC and hopefully he'll miss you, but that may never happen, but you know what will?

One day, when you least expect it, you'll realise that you are well and truly over him and you won't know how you did it.

I know it's hard to believe now, I am where you are too, my ex has a new girlfriend and it hurts but I will get over it and so will you.

dooobi · Mar 14, 2009, 12:07 PM

Thank you... I know there is no point chasing him... its my third day of no contact... it will be hard to imagine having nc with him for 2 weeks, a month.. but I'll just take 1 day at a time I guess

none12345 · Mar 14, 2009, 10:16 PM

Yah I'm going through a break through myself. I've been having NC with my girlfriend for about a week now. The first few days it felt like hell but now its slowly beginning to get better. I still think about her but I thought about the situation and my whole perspective has changed. Maybe its time to let go? That's what every have been telling me. He might come back to you one day and he might not and NC helps you prepare for both situation.

If he doesn't than NC will train you to know that you don't need him in your life but the whole thing is NC is for you to heal not to get him back even though it might. But maybe by than you ll see things differently. Because I have been in no contact with my ex and now she is seeing another guy and it hurts me like crazy but I believe the best thing for me to do is to use NC because after a lot of thinking maybe things aren't as well as they seem?

We deserve people who can love us and only us. Most likely that girl is just a rebound for him someone to replace you. How does it feel to be replaced? But yah you're on the right track just keep NCing him and try to keep yourself busy. Watch Swingers the movie. It's a really good movie and deals with what you're going through.

I still think of her and still NCing her and she is my first love so I'm not exactly sure what I am doing right now but like you I'm taking it one day at a time. Instead of using your time to think about him use it to think about yourself and how you see everything. He made a decision for himself and not you so you needa make one for you not him. I know its really really hard feeling like you've lost the one you only love and how you would do anything for him neh? Yah that's how I felt but now its time for you to think about yourself and if you're meant to be with him it would all work out in the end. Hope it helps

Best of luck =P

dooobi · Mar 15, 2009, 02:14 AM

Hey none12345,

Thank you.. I feel much better knowing that there are someone out there that are feeling the things I'm feeling right now. It just so hard to have no contact with him. Everything reminds me of him and I think about him constantly. Sometimes I just want to take out my phone and just call him anyway, even though I don't know what I'm going to say. But I just end up pulling back myself to reality because I know calling him won't do my any good.

Yah, he was my first love too. And yes! I really feel like I can do anything for him and I'm so scared to even think about him liking another girl. I should really start thinking about myself more, I mean being desperate and calling when he tells you not to call him anymore just makes us look more unattractive right?

Thank you and good luck!

none12345 · Mar 15, 2009, 12:15 PM

It is so true dooobi. Even now, its been just a little more than a week with no contact with my ex. But its getting easier and easier each day. I think I'm starting to not need her anymore but I'm still scared because now I don't know what to do because before when I was with her I had plans for the future with her and I thought my life was all planned out but now its gone now and I got to take a different path and I'm still thinking about it.

HEHE just last night I had a dream that I fell in love with another person how great is that? Finally stopped having those nightmares about her. Still doesn't mean that I don't have any feelings for her I still love her and want to be with her of course though but it won't work if that's not how she feels. Its time I start planning for a future without her in it and I hope I meet someone who can love me as much as I love them. I hope you do too =P Anyway just want to share my experience with you. Write back if you want! Keep me updated and let me know how you're doing ill be here for you ^_^

Best wishes =P

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 10:01 PM

How's it going doobi? Just want to check up on yah and see if things got any better. HOPE IT DID!!

- none12345

dooobi · Mar 24, 2009, 02:39 AM

Hey!

Thanks for checking up on me! Its been OK, I've been following the NC rule, so I haven't called him for like 2 weeks now.. yeah for me. But seeing him on Facebook and msn just kills me... so I've decided to use another account.. hope it'll make me feel better.

I still have days where its bad... all I do is think about him.. can't really seem to snap out of it.. but I guess it takes time... still feel that my heart is dead though, but I'll hang in there and just enjoy the good days.

Thanks!

Romefalls19 · Mar 24, 2009, 05:19 AM

No contact is a roller coaster ride filled with different feelings, you will find at times you feel completely free of anything with no pain or regret then the next morning you feel lower than the lowest low. Those are the times where you need to be pulled back up to your feet, which we are happy to do. We have a GREAT support team on here and will always be here for advice or just to listen to you vent. Those social networking sites are evil, I stayed away from mine for 3 months after my break up because I didn't know if I could be on there and resist looking at her page. 2 weeks is a good start, but the trick is to keep at it. It's hard and trying but with enough motivation you can power through it

slow man · Mar 25, 2009, 05:18 PM

I know how it is not to get a second chance. Especially when I had forgiven her several times. I did something messed up, and she said a switch just turned off. She even wrote me an email-we will never get back together or have anything sexual. Now, I am just staying clear. Hope it works out.

none12345 · Mar 25, 2009, 06:05 PM

Yah I agree those things are evil. Myspace/ Facebook. I can't resist not going on her's to see what's new in her life and what she and the other guy is doing >_< I think you should delete it don't even use another one until you completely feel like whatever he does won't hurt you anymore and you have completely moved on.

dooobi · Mar 25, 2009, 08:04 PM

Yup... I changed accounts.. so he's not on my msn now... feels so good to not see him. Oh and yes, I can't resist on checking him up on Facebook too, but once I see an itty bitty crumb of news on him then it just kills me, so I saved myself from the torture by just not looking at anything. I think you should start doing that too.. it will make you feel way better when you don't know ANYTHING about that person. Trust me.

dooobi · Apr 12, 2009, 02:15 AM

Hey everybody,

This is just my little update!

I finally saw my ex today, haven't seen him for a month and a half. I was going for a drink with my girlfriend and I saw his car outside, but still went in. I didn't want to run or hide, I really wanted to something that I've been prepared to do for a long time. I finally saw him with his new girl "friend". We saw each other face to face. I was fine, I acted like I was fine, I pretended like I was having a good time even though I was dying inside.

But I'm happy that I saw them together. I think I realle needed to see it so it can be this more real for me. To kill the last hopes that I still have. I feel so devastated. I made it through till the end of the drink, but I couldn't even hold my tears till I got home. My tears just uncontrollably came rushing out while I was driving home.. .

I feel like I have broken into a million pieces again, but this time I don't know to put myself back.

DazzaGal · Apr 12, 2009, 02:12 PM

Sometimes we can break into a millionpieces for many different reasons we think that we will never fix, but slowly as we piece ourselves together the glue that surrounds us and holds us together is stronger than we actually were in the first place, and as we move forward putting each piece in its place we learn more about ourselves and sometimes putting pieces in different places than they were before, it takes time to piece ourselves back together and sometimes we become a little unstuck, but there's that saying, I don't know where it came from sori, "What doesnt kill u makes u stronger"and the things that we expierience in our lives make us who we are today, in my opinion you have come very far, and you have given me hope that I may have the same respect for myself while going through a similar thing thank u

none12345 · Apr 12, 2009, 02:20 PM

Originally Posted by dooobi

Hey everybody,

This is just my little update!

I finally saw my ex today, haven't seen him for a month and a half. I was going for a drink with my gf and i saw his car outside, but still went in. I didnt want to run or hide, i really wanted to something that i've been prepared to do for a long time. I finally saw him with his new girl "friend". We saw each other face to face. I was fine, i acted like i was fine, i pretended like i was having a good time eventhough i was dying inside.

But i'm happy that i saw them together. I think i realle needed to see it so it can be this more real for me. To kill the last hopes that i still have. I feel so devastated. I made it through till the end of the drink, but I couldnt even hold my tears till i got home. My tears just uncontrollably came rushing out while i was driving home. ..

I feel like i have broken into a million pieces again, but this time i don't know to put myself back.

Hey doobi, you got to stay strong. I've been NC for 4 weeks now. My ex is with another guy and it hurts me as hell too and I still cry believe it or not. I've never cried as much as this before but I'm still hanging, taking each day at a time. The other day, I had a fortune cookie. It told me: "Stop searching. Happiness will come to you." and likewise for you. Until then we just have to keep strong, NC, heal and move on and let go no matter how hard it is. You're not alone, lots of people on here are on the same boat and we know its so hard but yah stay strong doobi =P

dooobi · Apr 12, 2009, 03:01 PM

Hey DazzaGal,

Thanks for letting me know that sometimes being broken into a million pieces is not that bad after all. I mean I finally saw the truth with my own eyes and I will never forget the pain that was in my heart. But there's nothing I can do now, I will just disappear from this person's life and let him disappear from my life also.

I guess its time to start healing process again. I will just have to start to pick myself up a piece at a time. And I agree with your saying "What doesnt kill u makes u stronger", I didn't die yesterday night... so I guess I'll be stronger today. Thank you ! Let's all stay strong together.