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ninav_2008 · Mar 12, 2009, 10:37 AM

My boyfriend of 5 years wants to have sex with other women, he wants to have a threesome. I don't want to share him, but I love him so much. I've just had his baby 6 weeks ago. I know he's cheating on me. What can I do to make him see that I love him, and to make him realize how much he's hurt me? I don't want to lose him. I love him too much.

kctiger · Mar 12, 2009, 10:39 AM

You are dating an absolutely insensitive pric*!! You just had HIS baby 6 weeks ago and he wants to have a threesome? Also, how do you know he is cheating?

From what you typed, this guy sounds like a joke, and to be honest, it doesn't even sound like he takes fatherhood seriously, as it seems all he cares about is getting his rocks off... how old are you both?

You don't need to do anything to prove you love him, and, if anything, he is the one who should be walking on eggshells to prove he still loves you. This is a terrible way to start a family.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 12, 2009, 10:39 AM

Sorry its not love. You just had a baby with this creep and you know he is cheating and wants threesomes. That is a deal breaker for you and do you really want to one day be infected by hiv or hepetitus or anything else. Or having that passed on your children. What kind of a role model father is that? Hardly any. Sorry but your looking for a guy that is true to you and you do not have that. It is easy for me to sit here and say leave but you need to get rid of this no good excuse of a person...

starlite1 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:00 AM

Hello Ninav,

Even though you just had his baby, this is no reason to stay with him. He is being completely horrible to you, and you definatley do not deserve this. You need someone in your life who will love you, be supportive of you and your baby, and will be faithful. My advice is to seek legal advice to get financial support from him, and leave this relationship. He is no role model for your child either. I know I sound harsh, but think of yourself and your child. Would you want your child around this kind of person?

ninav_2008 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:01 AM

I am 25, he's 44. We've been together for 5 years. I know he used to love me, but I don't think he still does. He keeps asking to have threesomes, and I tried it yesterday, but it tore my heart into pieces. I can't handle the thought of him with another women. I love him so much. He was there for me when I had no one. I was on drugs for 2 years, he stood by me through everything. I know he cares for me, he just doesn't want me anymore. We just had a baby 6 weeks ago. I can't live without my man by my side, but neither can I live like this. It hurts too much. What am I too do? I tell him every day how much I love him, and how his cheating hurts me. I even almost committed suicide at one point. I am very co-dependant. How do I look past it?

Romefalls19 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:08 AM

I feel the threads will get merged so I will respond to what I read in both. You need to get out of this dependent relationship and seek counseling immediately. Almost committing suicide because of his actions is extremely alarming behavior, also you need to work on be too dependent on him. He may have been there to help you with the drug problem, but you conquered it because YOU wanted to get off drugs. You put your mind to something, you can do it!

liz28 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:11 AM

If you know that he's cheating and still stay with him than your accepting his behavior and only opening yourself for pain. If this is how he treats you after 5 years of being with you than he doesn't respect you.

You should never do what you don't want to do and never settle with someone because you can force love this is someone that happens natural. Even if you submit to all his needs and desire that won't make him love you.

So right now you have some choices to make. You either going stay and accept his cheating ways or leave for your own good. The choice is yours but if I was you I would be out the door so quick and let him continue to be the dog that he is. This isn't love. You love him but sorry his feelings doesn't match yours.

kctiger · Mar 12, 2009, 11:18 AM

After reading your other thread it is clear what you need to do: RUN!! Get out of his life NOW. This child would be better off without him in his life, and it is an obvious point you don't deserve this loser.

liz28 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:22 AM

You need help! You should go and see a counselor quick! This guy doesn't respect you nor care about your feelings. You have a baby to look after now and that should be your first priority.

Yourself esteem is shot because you have realize that you don't need a no good man by your side nor do you need a man to validate who you are. You deserve and should want more from a man and stop being needy. You need to be more stronger and love yourself more than you do right now.

Wanting to kill yourself over a guy is a major indiction for you to seek help fast because killing yourself would solve any problems and it would only leave your child motherless while he moves on to the next chick. Whenever you feel the urge to harm yourself please cal 1800-273-talk, it is a national suicide hotline that is open 24/7 all year round.

liz28 · Mar 12, 2009, 11:36 AM

Ninav it seems like your trying to save a relationship that can't be save. You can't change someone. This guy is in 40 and will continue being the way he is. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. He is just out to fun and serving his wild oaths and is only cares about his own satisfaction.

I won't be more concerned about my child and catching a std with all his cheating and would be getting myself check out quick.

ninav_2008 · Mar 13, 2009, 10:34 AM

I give him my everything. I am lost in love, surrounded by pain and tears. I live a lie. I can't live without him, yet I already do, even though he is next to me. I die a little more each day. I need him to love me. 5 years, a new baby, I can't walk away from, how can he? I pray for light, I pray for peace. I look at our baby and I cry. He's just 6 weeks old and he is the image of his father. I think I should just leave, but where would I go? Is this it for me? Is it over for me? :(

imaloneandscare · Mar 13, 2009, 10:49 AM

If a guy can walk out on you and your 6 week old then he really isn't worth the bother, I know you are hurting now, but it will get better. Surround yourself with friends and family at this difficult time and you will get through this

talaniman · Mar 13, 2009, 10:58 AM

You beat drugs, you can beat this too!! Your 6 week old bundle of joy, will be your motivation, and your strenghth.

Your luckier than most, and stronger too!

ninav_2008 · Apr 14, 2009, 07:03 AM

Thanks for all of your advice! We have worked things out now, and we are doing better than ever! We even bought a home! We're planning our wedding too!

starlite1 · Apr 14, 2009, 07:08 AM

Did he stop cheating? What changed?

HistorianChick · Apr 14, 2009, 07:12 AM

Wow.

Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.

You deserve better.

I wish · Apr 14, 2009, 07:42 AM

I'm sorry to say, but you seem very confused about what love is. I think that you just have a deep infactuation or crush with this man, which makes you think that you are in love with him. You just want so much for him to be someone that he's not that you are blinded by all his flaws.

Are you expecting him to change one day? Are you just sitting around waiting for him to stop cheating on you one day?

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but this is definitely not love. You can do better than this. You should find someone who respects you and who is faithful.

AWOMENINLOVE · Jun 23, 2010, 05:18 AM

The same way you became strong and got off drugs is the same way you need to take your child and leave. Quick question would leave him if he harmed your child or molested your child? Not saying that he will just a quick question. The big difference is age sweety, your much younger then him so you and your child have a whole lot of life to carry. You are blocking your blessings that God is trying to put in your path if you stay with him. So its up to you to carry that load on your shoulders but whatever you do STAY STRONG.