[CuteKami782]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We don't have the best track record, but we've been talking a lot and everything has been getting better. He's been more attentive to me and my needs, the lines of communication have been more open then ever before, he's really putting forth an effort to please me(and I for him) I don't have any real complaints (Except his immaturity. But no person is perfect) Lately I've been coming to terms with a lot of things in my life and finding a sort of peace within myself. I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 23. With my new found peace I've noticed that I've started to think about marriage and settling down. We've discussed marriage before and he's never shied away from the subject. But he keeps telling me that he would like to wait until his career takes off (He wants to be a cop) but waiting can mean another 2-4 years.
Last night we we're in the car on the way home and I brought up the whole marriage thing again. He kept saying that he wanted to wait for his career, he wanted to make sure he was ready, he wanted this and he wanted that etc. But he never really mentioned me. I asked him continuously throughout the conversation if he felt I was rushing him and he told me no until about the end of the conversation I asked him one more time and he said yes he felt I was kind of rushing. This hurt because the last thing I want is for him to feel rushed or like I'm pushing him (I really am not trying to force him) I can't help how I feel and I want the stability, the closeness, the connection, the unity, the love, etc that marriage has to offer. Funny thing is he insist that I wear his mother's engagement ring on my ring finger and he insist that he wears a wedding type band on his ring finger. We live together have a joint account together, pay bills almost everything that a married couple does we do. He's even ask me if I'd like to start a wedding account! I don't get it. It feels like we are just playing house and it sometimes feels like wearing these rings is a lie.
My question(s) is: Is it wrong of me to feel this way?
Should I put my desire for marriage on hold so he can pursue his dreams?
Should I be patient?
Am I to young to be considering marriage?

Any advice is appreciated.

PS I'm also scared that I'm in this dead end relationship where he will keep putting off marriage. I don't want to invest time only to keep hearing "We will get married when my career takes off." Then his career takes off then it will be "We will get married when..." and it keeps going around and around

[Jake2008]

I don't think at all that your concerns aren't warrented.

He is making all the moves toward a marriage commitment, with the bank account, rings, etc. Plus he sounds like a really good guy with a good future ahead of him.

While it is true that he may be putting you off now, and it seems unreasonable, 2-4 years to get settled financially (and as a bonus be a little more mature- you mentioned he was a bit immature), is worth the investment of your time in my opinion.

What I would ask for, that I do not see as unreasonable, is a date. If you are investing 2-4 years as well in this relationship, he should be able to say that at the end of that goal, there will be a wedding, or there won't be a wedding. You may think 4 years is too much, he things two is too little, so split the difference, and make the decision in 36 months.

It would be very unreasonable and unfair to keep you hanging on with excuses as to why it can't happen. At the end of the agreed upon time, you should be able to expect a solid commitment to marriage.

I suspect that if you pressure him off and on without an agreement in place, the pressure to do something he is not yet ready for may drive him away.

When you are considering a lifetime with somebody, 36 months is a drop in the bucket.

[450donn]

Considering he wants to be a police officer, and while I commend his commitment to that goal. I see all the time the rigors of that job taking great tolls on personal lives. I think you really need to sit down as a couple with a professional and discuss the issues you have and your concerns about his "lack" of commitment to marriage and see where it goes from there.

[twinkiedooter]

If you are going to be a policeman's wife do be under the advisement that the divorce rate among officers is much higher than that of "civilians". This is due to the stress of the job and the oddball hours.

Right now with the rings, etc. accounts, living together, he's basically just playing house. He's only 23 and you say he is immature. Well, that's your answer right there. He is not ready and knows it and would like to grow up a little.

If you don't feel like waiting for him to grow up, then don't. Just look elsewhere for another man who doesn't have to grow up. Men tend to mature slower than women.