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ferrell_2006 · Jan 10, 2009, 08:13 PM

She was trying so hard to get you back because she thought there may be a chance that you were moving on... see its OK for her to move on and meet new guys and have you on a leash so when she gets lonely and she can't find a fling you're her backup... she don't want to be tied down but she don't want you to be with anyone because it makes her jealous...

Its good you realize she's playing with your head but don't let her continue to do it or she will ruin a lot of possibly good relationshiop juss be careful and if she tries to contact you and get back together stop and think... am I talking to another girl or with another girl? Could this be why she wants me? Then say sorry I'm with another girl and she wouldn't like it...

Not dating right now would be best your young have fun!! Meet new girls go to parties your only young once and you won't be single forever so live it up... and concentrate on school... good luck!!

Yosomoton213 · Jan 11, 2009, 11:10 AM

True. Is that really what she's doing though? It sounds like she didn't really think it through when we got back together, or that she let her emotions override her thoughts.

What do you think?

ferrell_2006 · Jan 11, 2009, 11:42 AM

Originally Posted by ferrell_2006

first of all i would definitely say move on.....i myself am 20 and a female so let me give you my point of view and hopefully it will help

number one it seems to be a bad habit of women to want a ex to always want her and it is very disturbing to thing they may have moved on...so for most not all but for most us females when we think you are doing fine without us or you begin to date again we want you back then when you come back we dont want you but we know your feelings are still strong its a tease is all....

and the more you ignor her more then likely the more it is gunna drive her up a wall....but she is definitely playing games after so many times of goin back and forth she should honestly know whether she wants to be with you or not it doesnt take a million break ups to determine i dont think its gunna work... forget her it seems your doin good so far but you dont have to avoid her juss know your limits to how long you can be around her being around her for 2 months straight.....not good protect yourself she would do the same and good luck!!

I told you this before I even knew that you was taken another girl to semi formal... so maybe us girls think alike? This isn't the first time you all broke up it's a continuous game... did you tell the girl you didn't want to go to semi formal with her after you got back with you ex? If so then that could be why she " didnt think it through" and no longer wanted to be with you... and if you didn't then once she had you back she realized its not what she wanted... our heads tell us that's what we want juss because some other female is steppin on our territory... we want what we can't have... juss be careful

Yosomoton213 · Jan 11, 2009, 12:15 PM

No, I made plans with this girl for semi-formal, and I wasn't going to break them. Especially because my ex broke up with me. My life doesn't stop when an ex wants to break up.

And we didn't officially get back together. She just took me out to dinner. We were "talking", more or less.

So she never really "had" me in that sense. I was on my toes the whole time.

Whatever, it doesn't matter. You're right, it is just a game. Plus, she's done this like 4 times now in the past 4 months. I'm just tired of this. Being her whipping boy lol. Last night was awesome. Probably the most fun I've had in a long time.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 11, 2009, 12:17 PM

Maybe she can't find another guy that can "measure up" to me, and that's why she keeps coming back.

I don't think she ever will. I mean, she's very beautiful, and does get a lot of attention from guys, but she isn't really interested in anyone right now. And honestly, if you get to know her, she is a spoiled b****.

ferrell_2006 · Jan 11, 2009, 06:13 PM

Well I'm glad to hear you kept the plans with the girl and went to semi formal and had fun! That's what you needed... 4 months of being someone's yo-yo gets old right? Everyone has been walked on by someone at least once in there life but hey that's how we get stronger by learning from our mistakes...
Are you feeling any better or is everything still kind of the same..? I hope I'm helping... well if you have any questions ill try to help or give you a female perspective

Yosomoton213 · Jan 11, 2009, 06:35 PM

True, it does get old. And yes, you have helped. I'm just venting it out on the forum. After this, I'll try to ween myself off the forum again because when I'm on here I tend to think about things too much.

I'm just confused now because when we talked last, she shifted the blame of things not working out on me? I know I was partly to blame by smothering her in the beginning of the year, but only because I was excited to see her after a long summer apart.

I mean, did she appreciate me at all?

I go in and out of this. Not as bad as before. I talked to a lot of girls at my semi-formal, and let's just say that the well has not run dry. I just needed to operate the pump.

I guess more time apart is the answer.

ferrell_2006 · Jan 12, 2009, 09:32 PM

I'm sure she did appreciate you or sshe probably wouldn't have been with you to begin with maybe her feeling juss changed... its hard to tell really I don't see why she would be with you and even consider wanting to get back with you if she didn't appreciate you... yedah the forum would make me think more so it would be better... im glad your well didn't go dry haha... but if you ever need someone to talk to you can talk to me through Yahoo its ferrell_2006 I usually get on after school to check messages... good luck keep me informed!!

Yosomoton213 · Jan 15, 2009, 04:46 PM

Threads merged

Hi all, I was wondering if there was a way in which you can be patient with yourself post-breakup in the moving-on stage.

My ex and I have been on-off talking/dating each other for 5 months now. Before that we were together for about 8 months. She wanted to get back together earlier last week, but then had second thoughts after we fought, and then said that we just can't and that the relationship was unfixable. I somewhat agree, but I believe that if we worked at it and committed to the relationship, we would have worked it out. Is there such thing as something being "unfixable"? I don't blame her for wanting no more, as I was pretty miserable myself. However, I wanted another try at it.

She has been cold and distant ever since. She is moving on. I am trying to. I am back to NC ever since she said that "she can't try again," and after I tried to tell her what I thought about it. She persistently said "I can't", so I left her alone. However, because of the frequent breakups-getbacktogethers, I can't help but feel that there is some hope in getting back together. How do I eliminate this?

I find other girls attractive, some even more so than she was, in both personality and looks. Some of these girls are interested in me, and I always have a great time. However, something holds me back from making a "move", and then they usually think I'm not interested and moved on. Is this a self-confidence issue?

And sometimes I slip back into the "lonely, restless" stage. Then I get down about myself for being in this stage after being miserable for 4-5 months. How do I tell my subconscious that this is what is right. This is the right thing to do. This is what I need?

I feel like a fool.

kctiger · Jan 15, 2009, 07:08 PM

This is merely a matter of letting time do its thing. You cannot force yourself to get over your ex and start to pursue other relationships. You will know when the time is right.

Right now, you don't feel comfortable being with another woman (dating wise), and that is totally cool man. Just don't worry about it. The good thing you are doing is not jumping into a meaningless relationship just to solve your issues of being lonely. Don't do that, do what you are doing now, and the hell with what society says about the perception of a dude without a girlfriend... be you, love you, and let the rest (time mostly) take care of itself. Life is too short not to enjoy yourself!

I have no desire to get into a relationshp right now either, and I am on month five almost. Who cares? When I am ready, and when I truly WANT to, I will go for it. Until then, enjoy the single life, and enjoy yourself! You are a good man, and, woman or no woman, nothing changes that! Carry on...

So, the answer to your question, "How to be patient with yourself?" : Is there a person it is more important to be patient with than yourself? This is your life... be concise, be thoughtful, be caring, and most of all, just be YOU. Time takes care of the rest.

Nestorian · Jan 15, 2009, 08:01 PM

Well brother.

It's bin about 2-3 years since my ex left me for some other guy. Sure it hurt, but I still love her, same as I did before, though I'm still hurting same as the day she left. Then I met another girl about a year ago. There was a big mess over her being with me, then she went back to her ex. I hurt but told her, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. And so off I went, but then she was pregnant. It's bin 9 months since I was last with her, and I've talked to lots of girls, but I can't date them on account that I don't want to do anything till I know what is happening with the child. It's 6 weeks, and so cute. I've seen it once for an hour, never held it, and don't even know if it's mine. None of us can afford to pay for the test.

You asked, "Is there such thing as something being "unfixable"? " Only if the people aren't willing to fix it. Remember, it takes two.

"How do I eliminate this?" (Your hopes to get back together are normal.) I still want both the girl that I may or may not have had my child, and my first girlfriend. But I "know" that its over. So, I tried to occupy myself with working out, working, hanging out with fiends, and so on. The only thing that can help those feelings of longing to be with her is time. And you may never stop wanting her, but you kindof just put it in the back of the mind where it's just left until its forgoten, and you learn to love yourself. That's what I'm doing now, and yes it's taken me 2-3 years, to learn where to start!
(NOTE: The less contact, pictures, remeinders you have, kind of makes it easier.)

"Is this a self-confidence issue?" What do you think? No really what do you think. It could be, but it could be you're not ready to date yet and just need to be "friends" at least till you find yourself. Maybe you just need to live free and do what you want for a time.

"And sometimes I slip back into the "lonely, restless" stage. Then I get down about myself for being in this stage after being miserable for 4-5 months. How do I tell my subconscious that this is what is right. This is the right thing to do. This is what i need?"

Find things to occupy the mind, like a dog you want to take something from, dangle something better in front of it. Yes it's true, I just compaired our brains to dogs. Haha. Do stuff you like to do, focus on it and make yourself enjoy it. Be active, get the endorphines going. Is it endorfins, or endorphines? What eve. Try not to think about what you don't want, and focus on what you do want, but do try to keep it to daily tasks. Like wake up, brush teeth/hair, shave, wash, all that and eat a healthy breakfast, and get out that Door. From there you can only imagine what you will be doing.

"We are what we think, all that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make our worlds." Buddha.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 16, 2009, 12:02 AM

That's really great advice.

Looking back on things... you're right. It's not self-confidence, I think that I want to take a break from girls for awhile and find the real me. I've never really been single since my junior year of high school for a period longer than 2 months.

And that's why I'm taking this poorly. Subconsciously I believe that I do need a girlfriend, and that's why I'm willing to put up with a lot of crap to get one. Not healthy.

blondndisguise5 · Jan 16, 2009, 02:15 AM

I would say commit to being single and dating around. Enjoy being single and work on yourself that will give you confidence, let you play the field and get over your ex and distract you from thoughts of getting back together or getting into another bad relationship. Focus on you time and just allow your heart and mind certain times to let thoughts out but don't let them dwell... write it down and throw it away. Keep nc. Good luck!

Nestorian · Jan 16, 2009, 01:43 PM

You do sound better, but since you siad you were depressed; I will let you know that if you find that you are going from happy (over confident, elated) to sad (depressed, apethetic.) , you may want to get looked at for BIpolar, I have it. So Just thought I'd let you know in case you find that you are way too happy, then way too sad, for way too long. I don't think you do have it, but do watch for it OK.

Good luck and take care.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 16, 2009, 03:53 PM

I think the only reason that I go from happy to sad is that my ex will enter into the picture again when I am happy, and then we hang out, and then she backs out of the relationship when I start to get back into it...

Right now, I'm starting to feel much better. I miss her, however I've come to terms with what's happening.

She's a flake. And not committed to anything.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 16, 2009, 03:54 PM

But thanks for your concern. And everyone's advice really has helped.

On another note... gin buckets @ 8. Stay warm everybody.

Nestorian · Jan 17, 2009, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by Yosomoton213

I think the only reason that I go from happy to sad is that my ex will enter into the picture again when I am happy, and then we hang out, and then she backs out of the relationship when I start to get back into it...

Right now, I'm starting to feel much better. I miss her, however i've come to terms with what's happening.

She's a flake. And not committed to anything.

Take care mate.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 18, 2009, 03:24 AM

Thanks. She texted late last night... "yoso how are you?"

1:30 am. What does that mean? I didn't text back.

kctiger · Jan 18, 2009, 06:49 AM

Originally Posted by Yosomoton213

Thanks. She texted late last night... "yoso how are you?"

1:30 am. what does that mean? I didn't text back.

You need to change your phone number, as this is bordering on pathetic. Every time she sends you some random text, you come back with, "What does that mean?" Who cares what it means. If she didn't have a way to get ahold of you, then you wouldn't be stuck on here asking about the meaning of everything she sends you.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but honestly the longer you try and analyze the meaning behind her contact, the longer it will take you to heal. Only she knows what it meant... it didn't mean, "Yoso, I want you back, I think we made a mistake breaking up!" I hope you aren't waiting on that text. Do NOT let her meaningless texting screw with your mind! Keep on moving forward... carry on

sully123 · Jan 18, 2009, 07:04 AM

Stay away from her, and don't let her reel you back in again. Stay positive and look for someone else, that's more stable. Keep busy with new friends. Do whatever it takes to move on, your doing good. Good luck.