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Yosomoton213 · Dec 7, 2008, 12:51 PM

Hey guys; I have another update.

I met an awesome girl last night, and really hit things off with her. Am I planning on dating anyone else? No, not really. However, once you take your "ex significant other" blinders off and realize that there are many more wonderful ladies and gentlemen in the world, it helps. A lot.

I was the king of smooth. I pretty much did everything right. I was awesome last night.

I am almost at 100 percent capacity again. Sometimes I'll have pangs of the ex, but usually I just shrug them off and go do something productive. The breakup definitely forced me to get out of the "comfort zone", which I found out that was the main reason I tried to win her back in the first place. Once you get out of your comfort zone, you realize that you can conquer the world. You are fearless.

I write this to you who have no hope of the future and are still trying to win back the ex that doesn't want you anymore: Do not go back. Do not lower yourself anymore. Look at yourself in the mirror, and take pride in that person. Smile at yourself. Laugh at all your past mistakes. Learn from them. Improve yourself. Then go out and meet someone new.

Suck some face.

talaniman · Dec 7, 2008, 04:23 PM

Amazing how we see things differently later. Enjoy your freedom.

Yosomoton213 · Dec 13, 2008, 03:48 AM

Hey all. Another update.

Finals week is here, and I just want to get them over so I can spend some quality time with my friends and family.

There has been no updates from the ex. I've been busy making friends, and I'm not waiting around.

However, after I'm all done with my school work and everything, there is this "black dog" that kind of sneaks up on me whenever I'm in bed about to go to sleep, and it really interrupts my sleeping cycle. I keep thinking about what-if's, and if my ex expects me to call her. I know for a fact this is not the case, but it seems like I go back a couple of steps.

Is there any remedy for this? I was making some very good progress. Or is this something that will occaisonally come up once in awhile?

Some days are better than others. Some days I don't even think about her.

Yosomoton213 · Dec 13, 2008, 03:51 AM

I guess in the back of my mind I wish she still thought of me sometimes. Self destructive behavior?

Yosomoton213 · Dec 13, 2008, 03:53 AM

Final post of the day: YouTube - Mason Jennings - Crown - Bonnaroo 2008

talaniman · Dec 13, 2008, 06:37 AM

You will have thoughts, and urges, and feelings of regret for a while, but they will fade with time, and doing the things you enjoy.

Good luck with finals.

Yosomoton213 · Dec 16, 2008, 02:08 AM

Recent update: The ex called.

I was taking a nap because I had been studying for exams all night, and the phone was ringing. Not expecting the ex, I answered it without looking at what the phone number was.

"Hello? How are you...blah blah. Do you want to maybe hangout before winter break?"

Guerilla tactics. I wasn't prepared for this. I asked her why.

"Just to talk. You know, to catch up."

I said no, that I disagree, and that would be a bad idea.

She kept pushing, so the whole conversation deteriorated. I found out that she "thinks she might have made a mistake" in walking out on me... twice... and that "she doesn't really know what she wants right now."

Before, I would have thought that I had a pretty good chance. Now that I know that this is her standard operating procedure, I knew she was toying with me, for whatever reason.

I chuckled to myself. Just like day 1.

Then I finally realized, this will never change, at least with this girl. I disappear for a month, ignore some phone calls, and she wants to "kinda" pull me back in. But not enough to be begging or pleading for me to come back to her. We end up getting semi-apprehensive toward each other, then I say goodbye before the wrath welling up in my chest came out over the phone.

She texts a few seconds later that she just "missed me and wanted to talk". I told her she should get back to studying. She said "yeah, have a nice break ****"

I said "you too.".

"See you in English class next semester" -ex
"Sure will" -Me

Guerilla tactics. Never leave yourself open to an attack.

A setback, albeit a minor one.

I am right in interpreting this, right? I would like a second opinion.

kctiger · Dec 16, 2008, 06:53 AM

Next time you should look at your phone before picking it up! I don't know how many times I hear that excuse... I just picked it up without looking at it... so she won that round. I think you handled it decently. Keep it short and quick, not rude but to the point, if you come up in this situation. Seems to me like you have done a lot of growing up and are actually healing well, as you know her usual tactics of pulling you back in, and you are not letting her ride on them. My advice, however, is next time, make sur you look at your phone. I could be in coma, wake up, and I will look at my phone before I pick it up. Carry on :)

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 07:22 AM

The very fact that you knew what was happening, and didn't fall for it, even though it was a surprise, shows you are thinking with facts, and not just feelings.

Very well done, acting in your own interest, and keeping your dignity, and self respect, in tact.

You made my day.

Romefalls19 · Dec 16, 2008, 07:36 AM

Nice job, you handled that very well! You should be proud of yourself and a minor setback or two will happen

Yosomoton213 · Dec 16, 2008, 08:34 AM

Yes sir. I plan on spending some quality time with friends and family over this winter holiday... away from my phone. It seems like the holidays are the season for "ex encounters".

I do have plans for a very wild new years with some very attractive ladies. And the usual gang of idiots. We'll see what happens. I'm doing all right.

My friends even made comments about how much more fun I was now that I wasn't dating the ex anymore. She is poison. Hisssss.

Yosomoton213 · Dec 16, 2008, 08:36 AM

In all honesty though, I look forward to the day where she finds someone else and leaves me alone. There's too much baggage in the relationship for us to even be friends.

kctiger · Dec 16, 2008, 08:37 AM

Well done man... you are a motivation for others. Keep on going, and have a great holiday

wikedjuggalo · Dec 16, 2008, 09:36 AM

Good work ! Sneaky but you didn't fall for it =D

roxypox · Dec 18, 2008, 03:41 PM

Yeah! Well done! It looks as if your doing pretty well in this situation and nothings better then that! :D I'm proud of you!

Handyman2007 · Dec 20, 2008, 02:40 PM

Dude... LET IT GO.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 9, 2009, 03:54 PM

Update: About 6-7-8 weeks after breakup.

Hey boys and girls. I'm just updating what has happened for the past 3 weeks. Overall, the weeks have been good. The ex-girlfriend kept pestering over winter break, and I finally gave in and picked her up from the airport when I got to school. She took me out to dinner, and things were going OK.

She tells me how much she wants to be with me and so forth... however I was extremely unhappy. She even begged. But I couldn't shake the thought of her breaking up with me many times previously in the year, and also that I was doing quite well on my own. However, I gave in again and gave it another go. It seemed that as soon as I started trying, everything shifted. Literally, within a matter of 7 days.

This was exactly one week ago. I myself was unsure of where this was going, and asked her to think on it, as I would as well. We called each other the following day (today). I said that I was unsure of our future together, and she said the same.

My points where that I probably couldn't ever trust her the same way, and that I would always think that she would split the relationship, like she had in the past. I also acknowledged that we had different value systems. Her value systems included carefree fun and things. She spends lots of money on personal items. I myself find that loyalty (friends, girlfriends, family, teammates) is the greatest value that I assess friends/lovers with, and that she hasn't really been dependable. I am also in a field of study where the big money isn't, but it is what I love to do.

Her points where that she was "afraid of breaking up in the future, and wouldn't continue the relationship if she thought it wouldn't work out.... because it hurt too much".

She was the one to break up with me... always.

Am I missing something? What was her point of trying to get back together?

I think that she saw me doing pretty well, and wanted to put her two cents worth. My friends say this "cycle" will never end if I don't stand up for myself and never let her back into my life. What do you all think?

This isn't really as "earth shattering" of an impact as the first breakup was. I was braced for the impact. I know I made a mistake. Any help from you all would be greatly accepted.

Yosomoton213 · Jan 9, 2009, 05:42 PM

She said she didn't exactly "think it through" when she wanted to get back together, and her attitude totally changed in a matter of 24 hours. On the phone, she was the coldest I have ever heard her, and she broke up with me 3 times before.

Someone give me a slap in the face.

ferrell_2006 · Jan 9, 2009, 10:57 PM

First of all I would definitely say move on... I myself am 20 and a female so let me give you my point of view and hopefully it will help

Number one it seems to be a bad habit of women to want a ex to always want her and it is very disturbing to thing they may have moved on... so for most not all but for most us females when we think you are doing fine without us or you begin to date again we want you back then when you come back we don't want you but we know your feelings are still strong it's a tease is all...

And the more you ignor her more then likely the more it is going to drive her up a wall... but she is definitely playing games after so many times of going back and forth she should honestly know whether she wants to be with you or not it doesn't take a million break ups to determine I don't think its going to work... forget her it seems your doing good so far but you don't have to avoid her juss know your limits to how long you can be around her being around her for 2 months straight... not good protect yourself she would do the same and good luck!

Yosomoton213 · Jan 10, 2009, 03:47 PM

That does make a lot of sense. But why would she try so hard to get me back? I didn't make it easy...

I set up a date for my semi formal long before she contacted me to get back together. Yea, I was kind of suckered in, but I could tell that she was jealous about me taking another girl to my semi-formal. I didn't rub it in her face or anything, just stated that matter-of-factly when she asked.

Anyhow, you're right. This was just one big game, and not even close to a relationship. However, I'm glad that she thought things over and saw that this wasn't going anywhere.

I have to admit, it still hurts, maybe even more so than it did before. Sometimes I think it would be easier to still be together, even though I really wasn't happy. But in the end, I know it's for the best. I didn't (after a long period of reflecting after the first breakup) see a future in us either.

As of now, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I am not ready for a relationship with anyone, including her. I just want to have fun, and excel in my studies. And make my momma and papa (and all you guys) proud.

Semi formal tonight. Puttin' on the drinkin' panties. (I'm not turning to alcohol, but c'mon, semi-formal is a once-a-year deal.)