[jmw0713]

Dpn't worry... I'm right there with you... sickness and all. I couldn't go out last night because I have bronchitis, or something. It sucks.

I was feeling pretty lonely last night, thinking back to the past few New Years I spent with my ex and what she is doing now. It was at that time that I vowed not to let her get me down anymore and try everything in my power to move on. I am going 100% NC from here on... because talking to her ever so often is holding me back and still hurts really bad.

South Park helped out a lot last night too.:D

[debdoes]

I'm going to try too... 100% NC. It's going to be hard! Hope you feel better!

[Homegirl 50]

I did want to talk to him, I needed (still need) closure, but he can't right now. "maybe sometime in the future" he said. The last time I tried to was a week and a half ago and that's when he said he has no feelings left for me anymore, I killed it. I probably did because I was actually really, really mean when I broke up with him, I put him down as much as I possibly could. Such a wrong thing to do, I still feel bad. And all the stuff I posted is true, however he is not as horrible as I made him seem. He was faithful and never said a mean word to me, just started to take advantage of me because, well, I probably let him. I like spoiling my men, and then it just becomes habit. I'm just really frustrated right now so I'm trying to tell myself he is a piece of s--t so I could hopefully stop thinking so highly of him. I'm trying to see things in him that I didn't like, because I know he isn't coming back. Terdball

He is who he is and he did what you allowed him to do. Instead of being angry and obsessing over him, you need to maybe reflect and try and figure out why you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. Why you feel the need to apparently buy affection.
Stay away from him. The only closure you really need will come from yourself. If he is all of these things why do you still allow him to control your thinking. Get yourself straight, then you will be "over" him.

[asking]

debdoes,
A++ rant! I had to read it out loud to myself and was laughing the whole time. You have great talent. :)

I am sympathetic too because this guy sounds exactly like my last boyfriend, minus the cigarettes and going out with the boys. He also needed to be driven everywhere and virtually never thanked me. He'd pathetically tell me he had no groceries, I'd take him shopping and the next day, he'd say he needed butter or something. (He also lived 45 minutes away, so it was a hassle to go take him shopping.) He didn't bother with trying to borrow hundreds of dollars though. His starting request was $5000! I said no, he acted hurt.

Often guys like this don't even ask for favors; they just put you in a position where it feels awkward not to do it because we think we are supposed to take care of people we love. And then because we did it without even really being asked, they don't say thank you ever.

You may have been enabling him by taking care of him, but he was a dependent child. I'm trying to learn to set better boundaries and to say no, and when not to offer things without feeling like I should. I'm also learning to ask for what I want, especially when I've repeatedly done someone favors.

I'm still hoping to find a grown up who is honest, faithful, and pays his own bills. I hope you do, too!

[starbuck8]

I'm sure you are not going to like what I have to say, but I'm only saying it to help you. I have also been in your shoes, and learned the hard way.

Exactly what good qualities did you see in this guy? You enabled him all the way through. Didn't he feel creeped out sleeping with his "mother?" That is what you were to him. You paid his bills, you fed him, you drove him around, you supplied the gas money, you gave him spending money and supported his friends, you paid his bar tabs, you let him walk all over you, and picked him up when he scraped his knee! Did you change his diaper, rock him to sleep while singing him a lullabye too?

What guy with no moral character or any redeeming qualities wouldn't go for that deal? He milked it for all it was worth! Then he threw temper tantrums and then threw things around and smashed things when baby didn't get his way! He pouted when "mommy" got angry with him, and then said he wanted to leave because "mommy" was too mean to him!

All along, you let him do this! He did not MAKE you fall in love with him. He didn't MAKE you do any of these things! You LET him! If you are even considering taking him back, you are responsible for allowing him to use you, and this will be your fault. He gave you fair warning, and has shown you what a pathetic irresponsible person he is. Do you want to wait around for it to get worse? Because it will, and you will be left with no one to blame but yourself. You will be the one at fault, NOT HIM!

Now, I'm sure you are mad as hell at me, and would like to take a swing at me if I was standing in front of you. I don't blame you. I was very harsh! Believe me, I wanted to knock the person out that said it to me!. until I realised she was absolutely right and I couldn't deny it! So please don't think I say this to you to hurt you. I'm just trying to put it to you in a different light. I'm sure all of the things you did for him were from your heart, but some people aren't worth a piece of your heart. Don't give pieces away to people who don't handle it with care.

Happy New Year to you!

[debdoes]

Starbuck, not mad at all. My first post was all about making him (or me) look like a complete loser. I'm trying to see the bad things in him so I could forget about him. Yeah, he did take advantage of me, and yes, I let him. I was never trying to "buy" anyone's affection. I have never been needy (until him) so it's not like I would try to get a boyfriend by "buying" him. I loved my single life before I met him. Calling me his mother? Haha, maybe, I am quite a bit older than him! And, there are 2 sides to every story. I could just imagine what he would have to say about me! I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, absolutely, but in reality, there were a lot of great qualities about him. But who cares now, it's done, it's over.
And yes, I know, it's up to me to get closure. Way easier said than done. I'm trying.

Asking: thanks! It was actually fun typing out that rant and all it's sarcasm! I'm way too generous when it comes to the men I date. I got to stop doing that.

[starbuck8]

I understand. I've written letters like that too, and thank God I never sent them. It wouldn't have made a difference. Nothing will penetrate cement! It was nice to write it out on paper and vent to friends though. Some people are givers, and some are takers. Unfortunately the takers are often master manipulators that scout out the givers.

Keep on reading what you wrote over and over, then write more. Read it everyday! Close your eyes and imagine the poor guy going skydiving, and realising his shoot won't open as he's headed into shark infested waters, while people are pointing and laughing! LOL!

It's like going into detox! Soon even the slightest dose of thinking of him will make you sick! You are so much better off without him! You might actually have enough money without him around, to go shopping for a hot designer dress, a pr. Of manola blonik shoes, and a gucci bag. Put the boy to shame when he sees you out having a great time and looking all "bow chicka bow wow!" ;)

[debdoes]

I hope you are right and I do get turned off thinking of him. One day... I hope! And that skydiving thing would be really nice!

[debdoes]

I deleted myself off Facebook just so I would STOP typing my ex's name in and seeing what new picture he had up. That lasted about a week. I signed up again and of course I had to look up his name again. There was a picture of him with some girl on his back. Of course I immediately panic. Then I look at the mutual friends we have. He had deleted one of my good friends and my sister. I start thinking, He is deleting these people so I won't know what he is up to. Then I called up one of my friends who is his friend on Facebook and have him snoop for me. As soon as he sees the picture he told me to relax, it is his sister. And his status still says single. So now I feel better. What is wrong with me?? I know it shouldn't matter, we are broken up! But I can't stop myself and looking at this stuff makes me feel worse! I don't know what to do. It's been 2 months and it is NOT getting better. I don't contact him (rarely, anyways), but I'm still obsessing about him. I have never been like this before and it's really frustrating and annoying! I just want to get over him and forget about him altogether, but I can't seem to. I know everyone's advice is going to be to forget about it and just not look him up. But I can't stop. When is this going to end and when am I going to stop being so obsessive? I don't want to be at all. I'm starting to think I'm crazy... am I? I don't think I'm being normal. I need to relax... but I can't!

[N0help4u]

Get on with your life. Yes you are obsessing and having an if I can't have him I don't want him to be happy with anybody else mentality.

[a la king]

Every time you check him out your at square one again.

Eventually you'll get tired of feeling like dirt and will begin recovering. How long do you want to make yourself feel bad for?

[debdoes]

That's exactly what I just said. I know I need to get on with my life and I really want to... the problem is, is that I can't. What do I do? Go on meds to calm myself? I really don't know what to do. Easy for you to say to move on, and for me to tell myself to move on. But I'm not. Is it because I need more time or am I insane?

[debdoes]

And no help, I do have that mentality that I don't want him to be happy. I know it's wrong, but it's true. I guess I'm selfish. I hope that feeling goes away

[a la king]

Oh, believe me it's not easy for me to tell you that. I got sh!tcanned after almost a decade a few months back. I know the struggles that are involved as I face them all day long in every aspect of my life.

I'm not one to advocate meds, ever. I honestly think you will hit a point where you are tired of feeling bad.

You need to soul search and really look deep to begin healing. If you are checking up on him- you're not searching deep enough. It's only been 2 months -- give it more time and give yourself more credit. It'll help.

[debdoes]

Hope your right and I do just need more time, this 2 months has DRAGGED by!
Going to hit the gym again starting Monday, hopefully that makes me feel a little better...

[a la king]

Heh.. I keep trying to hit the gym myself. I just can't get the motivation... not because I'm sad.. but because.. ugh... it's the GYM!
The worst part is I have a gym stacked with EVERYTHING in my condo.. I just need to go downstairs... so lazy.. maybe Monday I will try and finally go (I even bought fancy work out pants like 2 months ago)...

[debdoes]

Anyway, heading out to go get sh-tcanned! Lol look forward to all the responses or jabs at me. It's all good

[a la king]

Don't drunk text. Break your fingers before you go out!

[debdoes]

I hear you! I'm feeling pretty lazy and unmotivated as well. Especially working 6 or 7 days a week. My life is SO exciting right now

[debdoes]

Lol, I won't drunk text! I will throw my phone battery in the river again if I'm tempted. Wouldn't be the first, or second time!