[is this right]

Hi all,

I have been dating someone for the last 4 months, and things have moved on really well. When I am with this girl, everything is so good, I am calm relaxed and really enjoy myself, and so does she. We talk about 'us', and are open and honest about everything.

Having spent a week apart due to work etc, I realised when I came back that I was (falling)in Love with her, so I picked the appropriate time to tell her, and she said she had been feeling the same for a couple of weeks. So all good so far.

We have now just come back from 3 days holiday together, and again it was great spending time together having a real laugh etc etc, no worries at all, just good times and a lot of fun hanging out.

We are both back at work now, and I cannot stop thinking about her. I am anxious now, and most of the time when I am not with her, and start to think stupid thoughts, like, what happens if this doesn't work out between us etc. I see, to be getting ahead of myself, but cannot stop my brain running with these thoughts.

Somehow I need to concentrate on other things when I am not with her to take my mind off her, otherwise I am going to become clingy etc which could scare her off I guess...

What I am trying to say is that I do Love her, and that when I am not with her, while the feeling is great, it does hurt in a good way, and I start to think stupid things. Which then gets me down... why am I punishing myself like this?

I assume this is natural as I am feeling emotionally exposed?

Thoughts/help please?

[talaniman]

The secret is coping with these intense feelings in a positive rational way.

You are emotionally exposed as this must be a first in your life, for these intense feelings. You will learn, just don't get carried away, where you can't enjoy yourself.

Be patient you will learn.

[JBeaucaire]

Having fleeting thoughts of "what if" with both good and bad scenarios... that's normal.

Actually letting some of those "what if" thoughts stress you out and make you a nervous wreck... that's NOT normal.

Allow yourself to seriously consider "what ifs" and I promise it will affect your relationship, and it could cost you this wonderful girl. Don't stand for creepy crazy thoughts in your own head. Chase them out with extreme prejudice.

[nicola89]

I think you are just in love big time. But like you said don't become to clingy but that doesn't mean that you can't show her and tell her how you feel

[bigbird213]

Its good that your aware of these feelings and the dangers they bring. You don't want to become clingy or dependent as that is a one way trip back to being single. Try to calm down, think rationally and enjoy what you have. There is no reason to bring unfounded, and unneeded stress into a brand new relationship.

It takes active thinking and understanding that these thoughts are just your mind playing tricks...

[Pezhead37]

I wish I thought about those things when I was in my relationship. I didn't and now I'm sitting here alone and scared of what will happen. Take full advantage of those situations. You don't want to be deeply in love and then all of a sudden it ends. I guess maybe it just happens for some of us though. Haha I should probably not comment on this, I'm a wreck right now. Enjoy your new found love!

[is this right]

All good advice, I do need to slow down and just think rationally otherwise this whole thing is going to consume me when I am not with her.

I need to control my anxiety somehow by staying busy.

Plus I need to tell my ex that I have moved on as I think I owe it to her after 6 years together, and that may also be playing on my mind.

Guess it makes the ex officially an ex when one of us moves on!

Thanks for your thoughts appreciate it all

[liz28]

Wait, you in love with someone your been dating for 4 months and now you have to make your ex aware of this?

What type of relations was you having with this ex because if your are friends you shouldn't feel guilty and would've been informed her.

Your ex becomes your ex once the relationship is over not when you get involved with someone else.

[is this right]

I don't have to tell the ex that I am in love with someone else, just that I have started to see someone else etc.

I just wanted to know that this was a real relationship, before 'coming out', and now I know it is, I think I should maybe tell the ex, as I am sure she would want to hear it from me rather than through the grapevine!

[Romefalls19]

Why are you so concerned about how your ex feels? Worry about how this girl you claim to "love" will feel that you feel the need to tell your ex about who you are dating. I for one, would think that you are using me to make her jealous.

[kctiger]

Yeah, I don't think you need to tell your ex. I for one do not care to know ANYTHING about my ex. If you are this in love I cannot even imagine why you would be thinking about your ex.

[liz28]

[QUOTE=is this
Plus I need to tell my ex that I have moved on as I think I owe it to her after 6 years together, and that may also be playing on my mind.

Guess it makes the ex officially an ex when one of us moves on!
[/QUOTE]

I stated what I said based on this response. Your ex becomes your ex once the relationship is over not when you move on.

If you and your ex are friends you shouldn't feel guilty about telling her, at least, that you moved on. I am friends with my exes and they tell about their relationship and/or who their seeing and it doesn't bother me because I don't care. She must still have feelings for you because it shouldn't matter who she hears it from.

[is this right]

All very true. But my ex and I have many many of the same friends that are close to us both. I think they they might also feel weird about not knowing what to say if they meet the new girl and then get asked by the ex.

I thought about whether I would want to know if my ex found a new man, and I think I would, and I would also respect her for telling me. Not everything going on in her love life, but just the first time she finds someone and moves on.

There is no right and wrong I guess, just trying to be sympathetic, especially given that I called off the relationship with her!