[fireandice2007]

A few years ago I met this guy in a class I was taking. At the time, he was married and I was engaged, but there was an immediate attraction between both of us. Since we both are mature, faithful adults, we simply became friends. After the class ended, we only talked online once every couple of months.

Six months after I met this guy, I found out my fiancé had been cheating on me, and had gotten this other girl pregnant, and I broke off the engagement. The guy I had met in class, Kevin, talked to me online and he, along with many of my other friends, helped me through this very difficult time. He was still married, although he would tell me often of his problems in his marriage, asking advice and what not.

Three weeks ago, I got an instant message from him. I had not heard from him in six months, as he went active duty in the Army. We started catching up and he informed me that he and his wife had divorced last year. (the last time we had talked, I was starting a new relationship, and this was why he had not mentioned it before). I was single at the same time, and recently went through another really bad time with a guy, only this guy hurt me more financially than emotionally.

He was back in Utah and asked if I wanted to go to dinner and catch up some more. I agreed. He ended up bringing chinese take out over to my house and we just sat and talked all night. He informed me he was still active duty and that he was stationed in Texas until October, when he would be transferred back to a base in Utah.

He confessed to wanting to be with me since the day we met. And asked if we could see where things go with us. I agreed.

Based on his looks and his actions, I knew he was older than me, but I was under the impression that he was only maybe (MAYBE) ten years older than me, which is really not a big deal. I did some checking into it and found out he was eighteen years older than me, only a few years younger than my parents.

I have always said that age is just a number. But when I found out how much older than me he was, I started having some worries and some doubts. I am not concerned with what society says, I never have been one to conform to what others say is "normal". My main concerns are the fact that I am still young and want a family of my own. I realize if things work out, this is something that I will have to discuss with him. I am not sure if he would be willing to start a new family, and do it all again. (I know he has children, and I would guess his daughter is nearly my age by now). Also, if it turns into something long term, chance of him dying before me are greater because of the age difference.

I guess my question is this - should I let the age difference affect my decision in any way? Part of me wonders if I am just making excuses to not get close to someone because of my past mistakes and the pain I have suffered...

[Teresa51]

I personally don't feel like age is the issue you should be concerned about at all, but instead that this guy admitted to you that he has wanted to be with you since the day you guys met. He was married at the time and wanted someone else?? Although you say you guys stayed faithful to your respective partners, he was emotionally unfaithful to his wife by contacting you and discussing his marital problems. If he were a man of integrity, he would have completely finished his relationship with his wife before contemplating another relationship---that being you!

Being unfaithful to his wife (as I have described) apparently was okay with him. It will be okay with him again with you. He seems to have no core conviction in that area. I'd say drop him quick. You deserve better!

[TNChenault]

I so tried to send you an e-mail asking you to explain more about my question.. but then I saw yours. You are right age is just a number.. but there can be a bunch of differences b/t you guys. For instance he's been married and has children and knows the dedication that both jobs entale. Which can be good and can be bad. Personally I would try it out.. love is so crazy.. and it has to be because life is crazy. I mean just have fun with it.. if it works out and you find that yall's differences aren't that big then great.. if not than at least you can say you experienced it and you had fun doing it. :) The only thing I think you might need to prepare yourself for is the children.. especially if they are close to your age... b/c there might be some hostility there... and if it works out make sure you stay your own person don't walk only in his footsteps make your own. BUT HAVE FUN! Remember he's had 18 more years of experience in the bedroom.. it could turn out to be very rewarding :)