[dtrouble]

Hi
Briefly I was dating a guy for 6 months who began not making time for me and making excuses (although he text and called round about every 2 weeks! ) At one point after not hearing from him for weeks he gets in touch and tells me that he loves me and wants to be around me more etc. anyway I finally got wise to that and decided enough was enough. So I took time to myself and after months I met a man and talked on the phone every night, text and msn every day etc. we met up a few times - we both have kids and although we met on 2 occasions with the kids there it was very much a 'hand's off' meeting and kids were told we were just friends.
One day out of the blue he didn't text and so I got in touch with him just to see if he was OK. He then tells me that he can't work out how we can have a relationship because we have kids and that he had involved his son in previous relationships to early and his son had been v upset by this (his sons stays with him when he is home from work 3 days a week)- after few texts back and forth told him I'd get in touch following day and see where he was at. Next day he says about kids again then says he's confused and not sure if he wants to be with anyone right now and when he gets close to someone he runs but doesn't know why but he does really really like me - so I left it at that.

I left him alone but it was him who text me initially and told me he was thinking of me and said he'd done the wrong thing by ending it. He's since text me a few times (week or so apart) and tells me he hasn't forgotten me and thinks of me all the time etc. on one occasion I asked why we still weren't together then if we still liked each other and wanted to see if it would work long term (cutting the kids out all together) but he almost seems scared of something.

So I guess my question is what do you think I should do? I maintain a little contact text him occasionally to see how he is and he always texts back and he also texts me now and again so I don't know if he's just worried of feelings or being with someone?

Sorry this is so long! -- any suggestions? Cause I really want to spend more time with him and see if we would work longer term but don't know if I should just walk away! :)

[ylaira]

How long have you been "dating"?

[dtrouble]

About 2 months

[ylaira]

It still early so take things easy and slowly. Since he's the one who got "commitment problem", let him the one do all the contacts so you can gauge his interest. Expect less. Be occupied.

[talaniman]

I agree with ylaira, as its much to soon to be having visions of the future dancing in your head. Why not just date, and have fun getting to know each other a lot better, and go from there? Having high expectations of a stranger is not realistic, nor is it fair to either of you. You don't need a commitment to date and have a great time, do you??

[dtrouble]

Thanks Ylaira - I don't have visions of the future 'dancing' in my head - I like this man and I would like to get to know him better (as I am aware that I do not fully know him yet!) I am by no means planning my future with this man - I just know that I like him and I have been made to feel and told that he feels the same. I would love to just date him and see where it goes but as I have said he has pulled back and I find that confusing which was I suppose what I was trying to ask.
I just purely don't understand if he is just scared and if I should just back off and not contact him unless he contacts me - in the hope that he will work through whatever is going on with him or should I maintain contact with him - whether he wants that is another confusion! - I'm not really interested in playing games as I have been there in previous relationships/dating experiences. Thanxs

[ylaira]

You're welcome.

Its normal for us that when we like someone so much, we forget that our actions tends to be a little rush because of overwhelming excitement.

Let's go back to old times where men are the one who chases women. For now focus on getting to know him more. You'll find the answers along the way and his capacity to go further.

[snowballchap]

Hi
Briefly I was dating a guy for 6 months who began not making time for me and making excuses (although he txt and called round about every 2 weeks!!) At one point after not hearing from him for weeks he gets in touch and tells me that he loves me and wants to be around me more etc. anyway I finally got wise to that and decided enough was enough. So I took time to myself and after months I met a man and talked on the phone every night, txt and msn every day etc. we met up a few times - we both have kids and although we met on 2 occasions with the kids there it was very much a 'hand's off' meeting and kids were told we were just friends.
One day out of the blue he didn't txt and so I got in touch with him just to see if he was ok. He then tells me that he can't work out how we can have a relationship because we have kids and that he had involved his son in previous relationships to early and his son had been v upset by this (his sons stays with him when he is home from work 3 days a week)- after few txts back and forth told him I'd get in touch following day and see where he was at. Next day he says about kids again then says he's confused and not sure if he wants to be with anyone right now and when he gets close to someone he runs but doesn't know why but he does really really like me - so I left it at that.

I left him alone but it was him who text me initially and told me he was thinking of me and said he'd done the wrong thing by ending it. He's since txt me a few times (week or so apart) and tells me he hasn't forgotten me and thinks of me all the time etc. on one occasion I asked why we still weren't together then if we still liked each other and wanted to see if it would work long term (cutting the kids out all together) but he almost seems scared of something.

So I guess my question is what do you think I should do? I maintain a little contact txt him occasionally to see how he is and he always txts back and he also txts me now and again so I don't know if he's just worried of feelings or being with someone??

Sorry this is so long! -- any suggestions? cause I really want to spend more time with him and see if we would work longer term but don't know if i should just walk away!! :)

Too early to walk. Chill. Let him contact you. Don't worry about his feelings, has nothing to do with you right now. Let him work 'em out. If you push too much he'll walk. Sometimes if you show less interest it will perk up his... Don't totally ignore though. Just give him space.

[Gemini54]

I know that this is really hard when what you're yearning for in your heart is a meaningful relationship, but perhaps just being friends is a great way to start.

You've got a lot in common with the children and so on, why don't you use that to get to know each other? You could go on a picnic with the kids - or something like that, it's just a suggestion - and get to know each other.

The best relationships start with friendships and trust. Be a friend and don't put so much pressure on yourself or him for it to be more. As the other posters have said - take your time and get to know and enjoy him as a person.