Check out some similar questions!

hjpan · Aug 7, 2008, 08:51 PM

No. You cut the bills separately!

Seriously, set a deadline for her to pay the bills. Don't be passive about the situation.

bigdee · Aug 8, 2008, 04:00 PM

I'll do even better, I'll remove her from my account completely!

Stringer · Aug 8, 2008, 05:02 PM

Bigdee, yet another proud moment... good.

Stringer

Janmarie · Aug 8, 2008, 06:03 PM

Bigdee, like everyone who has given you such intelligent advice you yourself sound like a very intelligent man with a big, huge heart. Sometimes a person is taking advantage of someone without really realizing that they are and you gave her the opportunity to do that unintentionally. As long as you are giving her your hand to hold onto without requiring anything in return then she really isn't going to make an effort to come back to you as you had hoped in the beginning. Once you revoke your hand to her, she will truly be on her own and have to do it by herself. This could be very scary for her at this point since you have been the one who took care of that account that she uses.

The hardest thing to do is letting go but it is the most loving thing that you could do for this person. She's wanting to be without you [sorry] so you must let her take care of herself by herself.

hjpan · Aug 8, 2008, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by bigdee

I'll do even better, I'll remove her from my account completely!

Good!

bigdee · Aug 9, 2008, 09:14 AM

ARGH!! I am am trying to meet up with my ex to tell her about dropping the plan. She keeps postponing. First the weekday is bad because she is tired after work. Then the whole weekend is bad because she's stressed, tired, busy and a little sick. I beg her for 10 minutes this weekend. Since relents but Saturday is so busy for her so we made plans for Friday... which she cancels because she's tired but says she can do Saturday now.. that actually her weekend really isn't too busy. Today she calls and says she is feeling sick so maybe Sunday if she feels up for it!! I'm going nuts. She is indeed sick and stressed but I 'm frustrated. I call her (and leave a message as she usually never picks up) and tell her nicely to not to bother trying to meet me, that I will let her know what's up later. Maybe she really doesn't want to meet me even though she initiated the idea of meeting up in the beginning for a coffee and maybe give me some money. I'd like to tell her about dropping the joint account to her face-to-face as I think that is the proper way to do it but I think I'll have to do it over the phone! Then again she dumped me over the phone so maybe it is not a bad idea.

ARGH!!

Janmarie · Aug 9, 2008, 09:50 AM

She doesn't have any money for you. I believe that is the main reason of her avoidence. If the money she said she would give you at this point isn't a real big issue for you, maybe just go ahead and close the account or remove yourself off of it so it doesn't continue and meet up with her when it's more convenient for both of you about the money she owes you.

If compensation is an issue and you want her to pay you back for the last 3 months maybe a small claims court could be of assistance. But don't let her keep you in a constant state of suspension. Like the rednecks say, "Git'R Done." :-)

bigdee · Aug 9, 2008, 10:01 AM

Yeah the money is no big deal to me, just more the sense of lack of respect or appreciation. I know her financial situation isn't all that great, even with her starting a new career. The funny thing is that she is the one who offered to meet up this weekend in the first place. Maybe she had some money back then but then since spent it or something? I'll probably just tell her that I'll close the account by phone. Since I don't care about her giving me money and since it's probably best I keep NC, I won't bother trying to meet up with her again.

Oh she did return my call and leave a message saying she is sorry for all of this and that she really appreciates my patience and that she still wasn't to see me again sometime to hang out and give me some money, just that this weekend is bad.

Whatever... *sigh*

bigbird213 · Aug 9, 2008, 10:12 AM

Bigdee,

You need to just do it. I can see from your posts and the way you have been writing that you are making excuses for the way she is treating you. She is pushing you aside as a low priority/avoiding you. Your right, you don't deserve that, but why are you trying to change the attitude and actions of someone who isn't in your life anymore? She made her choice, now you have to make her live with it.

Stop making excuses for her actions and stop trying to change those actions. Both are futile... Cut the cord and move on buddy.

hjpan · Aug 9, 2008, 10:14 AM

Originally Posted by bigdee

Yeah the money is no big deal to me, just more the sense of lack of respect or appreciation. I know her financial situation isn't all that great, even with her starting a new career. The funny thing is that she is the one who offered to meet up this weekend in the first place. Maybe she had some money back then but then since spent it or something? I'll probably just tell her that I'll close the account by phone. Since I don't care about her giving me money and since it's probably best I keep NC, I won't bother trying to meet up with her again.

Oh she did return my call and leave a message saying she is sorry for all of this and that she really appreciates my patience and that she still wasn't to see me again sometime to hang out and give me some money, just that this weekend is bad.

Whatever... *sigh*

Call up the bill company and insist that there is a bill misplacement.
If she doesn't pay back, get the judge.

bigdee · Aug 9, 2008, 10:15 AM

I just wanted to send a big public "Thank You" for all the support I've gotten on this board. It has really helped me get through some rough stretches..

It must be frustrating to take the time to give excellent advice only to see me (or anyone else) say thanks and then not follow it (like breaking NC, etc) and then see the same rant/vent posted again only to have to give the same advice again. Even though I may have trouble following what I know is great advice, it is definitely very very appreciated...

Thanks!

bigdee · Sep 2, 2008, 05:32 PM

Well it's finally done. We met up to discuss the account and I told her what I wanted to do (end it). No argument from her as she pretty much agreed that it was for the best (and especially for me). I felt a little bad since she was going on about her financial pains but hey I got to do what's best for me. She went on about how she needs to pay me back and once she gets settled, she will give me something (which she has been saying for months). I told her to forget it and let's just move on. Later I ended the account officially and it felt good! Now it's finally over... the last tie! No more excuses to break NC now.

Been about 4 months since we ended it. Though NC was constantly broken, I felt pretty good since ending it. While I have a setback here and there (like today, hence the urge to visit this site again), for the most part I can now almost go a complete day without thinking of her as I've picked up other interests to occupy my time. And when I think of her it no longer brings me so down as it used to...

Let my experience serve as a lessons to other here struggling... best to cut all ties ASAP! And also... it DOES get better over time!

Janmarie · Sep 2, 2008, 09:09 PM

I am glad you are totally moving on with your own life now. No more toting around someone else's baggage. I wish for you the best and that real true love enters your life. You should go celebrate now. Celebrate the beginning of your new life.

talaniman · Sep 2, 2008, 11:30 PM

I am relieved, and glad for you my friend, now the new adventures can begin.

bigdee · Sep 3, 2008, 09:46 AM

Thanks to everyone for all the kind words! Looking forward to really moving on. I'm sure I'll hit some pitfalls here and there but I'm sure they will diminish over time...

Romefalls19 · Sep 3, 2008, 09:52 AM

Exactly! Way to have a positive outlook on the situation! Keep in touch

bigdee · Sep 12, 2008, 11:51 AM

Wish my ex a quick Happy Birthday via e-mail. For some reason I'd feel a little bad not doing so because I think it is a trivial thing to do so. We are on somewhat friendly terms though we don't keep in contact too much anymore.

Bad idea?

h0llister · Sep 12, 2008, 12:07 PM

How long have u guys been NC?

Romefalls19 · Sep 12, 2008, 12:23 PM

NO! If you are asking this question are aren't over your ex yet. I would highly advise against it unless you are completely over her

bigdee · Sep 12, 2008, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by h0llister

how long have u guys been NC?

It's complicated. We broke up over 4 months ago but we had small periodic contact during that time for various reasons (we had a joint account that we need to close, other logistics, etc... all mentioned in previous posts by me) which have since been ended so the actual NC has only been 2 weeks.