Threads merged into one.
WARNING: This post discusses the hot topic of abortion. If you feel strongly against abortion then I respectfully request that you decline reading and commenting on this post. Both participants discussed in this post have what some people would consider liberal views on abortion (though we take it very seriously) and live in an area where it is completely legal.
Hi,
Recently I have broke up with my girlfriend of 8 months and I am still very confused as how it all went down. We first met when my ex approached me and we hit it off right away. We were serious after a month and everything was near perfect. She kept saying how happy she was in the relationship and how happy I make her throughout the entire relationship. I did my best for her, supporting in any way I could. She moved ahead quickly and in fact the only issues that arose between us was when she perceived that I didn't take the relationship as seriously as she did. It got to the point where we were discussing marriage, our thoughts on kids, meeting each other's parents, and even house shopping together. Even I was amazed at the pace but I also started to believe this was "the one", never was I more comfortable with someone. And she kept saying how happy she was and how well I treated her and that she loved me... even on the last day I saw her. But there was a trigger that caused everything to tumble down. We had a "scare"... her period was late. She thought she was pregnant and we were both scared, but we were determined to stick together. Next she called and we talked about what to do and she said that she wanted to get an abortion (please I know this issue is a sensitive topic to many so if you have strong political issues against, please I'd like to not get in such a debate). I said I would support her decision on anything she wanted to do. She also told me that she needed time to reflect on things and needed to keep her distance from me for awhile... and that she also could not image being intimate with me for awhile because of this. I told her to take all the time she needs (though I was devastated). She was all scheduled for the procedure when she got her period and it turned out to be false alarm. We were releaved but she still said she wanted time alone to still reflect on her life. I said "sure". But I realized that included in the "time alone" request was to not consider us in a relationship. I got distraught and after a few days I confronted her via phone what is going on. She said needs more time and figure out what her heart is telling her. I told her that this state of limbo waiting to see if she gets back to me or not is torture and I told her to follow her heart and she said her heart is telling her that she should breakup with me and be single and move on. I asked why and her main response was that she thought she was in love with me because I treated her so nice but when she made the decision to not have the baby (even though it was a false alarm), it told her that she didn't love me otherwise she would have wanted to keep it. I told her that some couples make such hard choices even though they are in love for a variety of reasons. But I didn't get a response on that one. She says she is being as honest as she can be when she tells me that I did absolutely nothing wrong and I was so good to her. But now she is telling me that she is following her heart and moving on without me. She is starting a new career soon (just finishing up school) and wants to focus on that and not get wrapped up in other things (like a relationship). We are not young, we are in our 30's, I am very stable with a good job. She commented that she felt the relationship was unbalanced a bit as I supported her a bit (financially... but not too much as she was bothered by not being more self-reliant) while she was going through school but why is it an issue now when she is finishing school and starting her career? Anyway all I know is that things were rolling along perfect, just perfect, and now everything is completely derailed after a few days. I am crushed. We keep marginal contact via e-mails (she says she still loves me (just not in "that" way anymore) and probably wants to check up on me) but I'm not sure what to do anymore. I'd like to move on 'cause it sounds like she wants to, but I feel like this relationship was ended over reasons I can't full comprehend and I am thinking about fighting for it and saving this relationship if possible. Like I said I am not young and been through my share of relationships. In every one I could see where things were "wrong" even though I was hurt. In this one it was so smooth... so nice... I just don't fully understand it.
Any insight is greatly appreciated...