[hjpan]

She claimed that she found out about it during our relationship. That was a sickening day when she told me that. Because she followed that up with, "I have no idea who I could have gotten it from either." Showing that she was playing around a lot more before the two of us than I ever imagined. RED FLAG. RED FLAG. And I looked right through it. Lesson Learned.

If she did not inform you before sex, she's in trouble here.
You, sir, will be getting money from her back if you take it to court.
Are you going to do that? It's your choice. Regardless, HPV is incurable.

[FULLofRACQUET]

Well, I made the mistake of getting on Facebook today, and the first thing I see on the news feed is her new status "((Her Name) Hearts Him!). At first I was a little angry, but then I quickly logged out and came on here to read. After taking some time to re-gather my thoughts, I realized that I am maturing about this and that it doesn't really bother me. I had a good day! I went and played some basketball with my friends, I lifted some weights, I might have found a place to live. I even have my evening planned to spend some time with my friends.

I'm just wondering? Do you think she is saying those things intentionally to try to get to me since I haven't contacted her in over a week? It doesn't really matter, but I thought it would be beneficial for people to hear and discuss if somebody else is going through the same thing.

My opinion is that she is insecure, and that things aren't going as well as she says they are, and now she is just trying to put on a front to try to get a rise out of me. What she doesn't know though is that I have been on a great website (this one) discussing things out and moving on with my life without her.

So, what do you think? Is she attempting at jealousy or is she actually moving on (which I hope she is, and I hope she is beginning to find what she is looking for)?

[MDGadgetGuy]

Hi FullofRACQUET- It is difficult to say if she is moving on or not. Everyone copes differently. However, what is for certain is she is dealing with the situation at a child's level. She may not have the ability to transcend this so you should be prepared for more childish behavior. No problem with you checking out the FaceBook page. You are in the process of mourning and moving on with your life wich is a very positive thing. The fact that you can predict negative outcomes from visiting the site shows you that you are learning from your experiences. Give yourself some time to sort things out. Best not to be a fortune teller for her however. Focus on being the person you want others to respect you for being. Keep up the good work.

[FULLofRACQUET]

Focus on being the person you want others to respect you for being.

This should be posted on every board! What an uplifting statement!

[MDGadgetGuy]

Thanks for your vote of confidence FullofRACQUET! I am glad you are able to make use of my insight. Please don't hesitate to ask me anything. I fell into the Psych career path accidentally and am working on my second BA. I am starting to find a natural inclination so I will most likely end up going for a PhD. I really enjoy helping others and have my own unique counseling philosophy.

[Janmarie]

You have grown alot since you asked your first questions and recieved many valuable opinions and insights. You may not see a lot of changes in yourself but we can and you are doing a great job, you are focused, more confident and things in your life (like the possibility of a new place) are all coming together for you. Keep thinking those positive thoughts.....and in times when you feel like you are failing...come here and we will help support you back to center.

Keep reminding yourself that whatever you ask for you will recieve...ask for positive things.

Try not to focus to much on what she might be thinking or even why she does what she does. Detach yourself and think of happy visions of a life without her. Your new life.

[talaniman]

One thing that checking up on her online is, the questions it raises for which there are no answers, but it can be distracting, and hurtful. At least you left quickly, and got busy, and that's exactly what you should do.

Just stay off her Facebook, and keep doing what your doing. What she does, and the motives behind her actions is, IRRELEVANT to what your doing, so stay focused on what matters to you.

[Danap]

Wow, you had quite the worldwind didn't you. Your head must be spinning. You know, no matter what anyone tells you and how good and positive the advise is, you will only be able to shake her when you have absolutely had enough. You will decide one day that you no longer want to be put through the ringer by someone who is obviously not on the same page. When that happens you will feel so much lighter and so relieved. She was and still is blocking your view. Thank her for getting out of the way of a better mate in your life. Realize that we all have to go through some turmoil in order to really appreciate the peace that comes after.

[FULLofRACQUET]

CURVE BALL!

She called tonight.

I didn't answer, and she didn't leave a message.

I did notice that she finally picked up her bike at the bottom of my apartment stairs. So, I'm guessing that is all that it's about.

It was almost another road block though. Right when I noticed that it was her # on my phone, I started to think about what it could be. Even a little part of me wanted her to be calling to want me. Is that bad? I have no intentions of getting back together with her, but she keeps on doing this... why can't she just let things rest for a while?

[FULLofRACQUET]

20 minutes after my previous post, she texted me.

I forgot that I put a small thing in one of her bags. It was a gift that I got her about 2 weeks before she broke up with me, but I was saving it for her birthday. I threw it in there without trying to get a reaction, I even totally forgot about it. I just figured that I couldn't use it and I didn't know anybody else that would like it, so why not?

Well, she texted me telling me how much she liked it and then she thanked me.

I didn't respond.

1 Week and 2 days of NC!

[FULLofRACQUET]

UPDATE: Here is my original question:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-248629.html

Well, I had the first encounter with her exactly 2 weeks after I started NC. I was nice to her when I first saw her before our class. She ended up following me into the room and sitting right next to me. During class, it almost became a competition of who was happier. She was trying to joke with me and I would oblige. We surprisingly laughed a lot! I didn't want to make it seem like she has a negative effect on me. We even ended up discussing the Democratic National Convention and I told her my views. We are on opposite belief systems when it comes to politics. Well, after class I gave her another bag of her stuff that I accumulated while cleaning out my apartment. She dropped the bag on accident and broke everything anyway. Figures. She talked to me for a little longer and she was of course texting and checking her phone the whole time. We parted ways.

About 3 hours later she texts me and begins to bash my beliefs in politics. I didn't want to respond, but I have to stick up for my beliefs. I ended up getting into a political debate with her via text. She then tells me that my thoughts are good, unlike most people our age. I didn't respond back.

Yesterday, I had to stop at the store to pick up some ice cream for a party. I park my car, get out and I am instantly face to face with my ex's sister and her husband. Awesome! I made sure to be very nice to them and I talked to them with a smile on my face. I didn't bring up my ex once. I said bye, told them to take care, and walked away with a skip in my step and a smile on my face. Of course, my ex texts me asking if I saw her sister today. I didn't respond back.

After seeing her though for the first time after a while, I still felt feelings. I am having some trouble getting over her for some reason, mostly because of my dreams. Whenever I sleep, she is always in my dreams. It's driving me crazy. I'll wake up thinking about her because of these dreams.

I figure I would share this with you to get some feedback. Maybe some advice or insight.

[Ithappenstoall]

A little bump in the road, it happens. Just keep NC and go one with your life and ignore her texts and all. You acted very well in this situation and you have to be proud of yourself. Things will still remind you of her and you will unexpectedly run into her, just remember to keep your interactions short and polite and go on with your day and life, leave the past in the past as she doesn't deserve you thiking about her. The time you shared was great and you both enjoyed it, but do not let yourself g TC

[FULLofRACQUET]

What does g TC mean? Sorry, I'm not good with the lingo...

[BMI]

I believe it stands for too close.

You cannot control whom you see and where you see them. You did well when faced with both parties. I think it quite commonafter a break-up to re-visit the relationship after an encounter with anex or even family members, always trying to interpret what the other is doing.

Time will lessen all of this. If you can avoid her than do so, if you can't than NEVER let your feelings show or look to deeply into what is just an innocent meeting.

[talaniman]

Relax dude, you have just had some old feelings stirred up for a bit, but it will pass. It had only been two weeks, so it wasn't like those feelings were dead, and buried, and the same for the dreams, your still fresh from the break up, and the dust has yet to really settle. It will.

[Ithappenstoall]

What does g TC mean? Sorry, I'm not good with the lingo...

Sorry FullofRacquet I was writing go (forgot the o) and TC stands for take care lol

[FULLofRACQUET]

Somehow, when you think things are going great, things just need to snow ball. I have been trying to help a lot of you out lately, and now I'm afraid I might need some help. I hit a bump in the road.

Things were going great, but today I was extremely depressed. My ex is in my class, and I decided to sit on the other side of the room today next to some people I knew instead of sitting where I did last time when she sat next to me. She went straight for the seat she had last time, not expecting to see me on the other side of the room. I didn't talk to her or look at her once today. 2 hours without anything. This was the first time in almost a year of knowing her that I didn't talk to her while in the same room. It's tough, especially with all the history. I was of course joking around with my friends and laughing and paying attention to class. I didn't hear anything from her the entire class.

Well, afterwards I had a very strange and sickening feeling. I spent some time by myself and began to write. It was very depressing material.

Well, I got home and I checked e-mails, and then DUN DUN DUN!! I checked Facebook. She changed her profile pic and added photos. Of course I look... I couldn't restrain. Her and her new man... all over the place... all over each other... a camping trip... her in his t-shirt... I have tried to take advice from all of you wonderful people, but this hit me hard. I am so depressed right now, and I need some help. I was doing so well! Please tell me that I am getting close to the end of the hurt!

I just wish I had somebody to turn to, but everyone believes I'm over this situation. It's destroying me!! I just wish I could have had a head start like she did to find somebody else! I mean... this guy (28) is 8 years older than her, but he acts like a teenager. She told me that I was immature!! I'm 1/2 a year older than her. It looks like she is drinking, and smoking, and smoking pot again... everything that she quit and limited when with me. I care about her and worry about her because of her HPV. I know I shouldn't, but we did have an emotional connection one way or another. I know it's not my problem because it's her life, but it's so tough to sit back and watch! Why couldn't I have been more of a man during the relationship? Talked to her. Destroyed my jealousy and insecurities?

I just need to talk. I'm sorry.

[talaniman]

Keep ranting, its good for you. Ya think she knew how to get your goat? Of course she did, as how dare you move away and not pay her the attention she is due. Shame on you! Tsk, Tsk!!

[Ithappenstoall]

First off do not start questioning what you did in the relationship, if it was good enough or not enough. You did what you had to do and you both were happy for a while, and as you mature together sometimes people go and start thinking in different ways. In my opinion I think she needed to be "free" and have fun and try new things (a lot of girls her age act this way), and who knows she might regret it (especially if she is taking on all these bad habits again). So that s n1.
Secondly you should avoid Facebook as much as possble, if you still want to check it out might I suggest deleting her from your friends list for the moment as it clearly affects you (hey it sometimes still affects me but I try and be strong). I also feel that her being with someone else will help you, even though it hurts at first, it helps you move on quicker because if you still had any doubts about if you would get back together or what is she thinking now, well this clears everything. In helped me be better when I found out she was with someone kind off a few weeks after we broke up and when I knew they were together officially it really upset me but I think it was a blessing in disguise because now I could not care less about her.
Finally do not question who she is with, let her make own mistakes and let her live her own life now. You say this guy is not someone she should be with and is an idiot, hey let her be with her new idiot, if this is the guy she wants good for her, know that you have higher expectations in someone and keep on moving on (this is a lesson learnt) .
Remember that You do not have to give her anything, not even a single thought really after what has happened. I know it is hard but you need to make an effort and as soon as you start thinking about a good moment quickly stop and move to somehting else or remember the times you guys fought about a stupid issue and she drove you crazy.

It is good to come here an vent and don't worry you will have some ups and downs but eventually it will start coming together. After a while you also start to get annoyed always being in this situation and you realize that it is not worthit, that she is not worth it and you really start to feel better. I know this may be weird but have you ever tried doing a list of what you like and don't like after you guys broke up, I did that as soon as I broke up and I could really come up with a lot to put on the "bad" side, but guess what when I really started calming down and started thinking rationally again I had more negatives about the relationship. Think about it!!

Don't worry, everyone has a bump on the road. Just take care and stay strong, and come here to write and vent anytime.

[FULLofRACQUET]

Thanks guys! That is what I needed to hear. Yeah, I guess I shouldn't really give a sh** about her anymore. I guess it's going to take time for me to rebuild the holes that she has left in my life, I just have trouble with patience. I like outcomes as soon as possible.

It's tough though where we go to school because the guy to girl ratio is like 10 guys for every girl, and she is probably the most sought after girl. And I have been looking around, and I haven't been having much luck with the women. I am also currently just living around with friends because I lost my apartment and I can't move into this new one until this weekend. All of my stuff is in a storage unit. It's just been a tough month. Everything I wanted was there, and then within an instant it was all gone. Crazy.

I have been working harder on my career and my body, which has helped forget her a little bit. It's tough just knowing I am going to have to see her every week until December. Ugh.

I'm also assuming that it is tough for me just because this was my first attempt at a real relationship. The first girl I ever "loved". The manipulation just sucks. I remember before we started dating, I wasn't that interested in her, but it was almost like she tricked me into dating her, and then I end up falling for her. Then she leaves. Right before we started dating, I was pursuing this girl that was great, but I brushed her aside once I decided to take a chance on my ex. It's just funny how things work out.